Miscommunications & Misunderstandings
by JustMyLuckiness
Summary: Post 47 seconds. An unexpected guest throws Castle off and makes Beckett jealous. What does her appearance have to do with Kate's shooting? What does the mysterious murder of a fellow detective have to do with any of this? Angsty beginning, fluffy ending, and a roller coaster in the middle. Hang on tight, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Spoilers through 4.19, AU thereafter.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well, here's my first effort into the Castle fandom. Hopefully I can do this wonderful universe justice and keep the characters believable.  
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**Any of you who have read my other story on here will recognize the formula - take an angsty moment from canon, throw in a wild card, and see what the ripple effects are. There will be a happy ending for everyone, I promise, but we have a long way to go before that happens, so stick with me. **

**I haven't gotten completely through the fandom - still have 200 or more pages of stories to sift through, so if this resembles anyone's previous work on here, it was a total accident!  
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**It should go without saying that if I owned these characters or made any money off of them, I would be writing for the show :)  
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**Enjoy!  
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* * *

Miscommunications and Misunderstandings

* * *

"_I was shot in the chest and I remember _every_ second of it. So do you."_

* * *

Richard Castle was alone.

Alone not just in the literal sense – Alexis was at a sleepover and Martha was at some theater party – but also in the metaphorical sense. His only real companions at the moment were the tempting liquor from his cabinet and the burning pain between his shoulder blades. He tried relaxing in his office chair staring at his smart board, but leaning back in the comfortable chair only intensified the burning pain in his back, as odd as that was to think.

"You're a fool, Richard Castle," he muttered to himself as he turned his attention from the smart board to the blinking mockery of his cursor. Sorenson. Demming. Davidson._ Stay with me, Kate. I love you. I don't remember, Castle. _ _I remember every second of it. _The math only added up to one conclusion: she never wanted him. She was never interested. _I remember every second. _Her declaration in the interrogation room echoed through his brain like a broken record. He'd escaped the observation room just after hearing those words, muttering excuses to Esposito and Ryan, and stumbled home in a daze, gratefully finding his refuge empty. The torment currently coursing through his soul should never have an audience.

Very few people knew that the playboy author persona he projected to the world was actually a carefully devised construct, intended to appeal to various population segments for various reasons. Women were supposed to swoon when he flirted, thinking they could be the one to tame him. Men were supposed to envy his lifestyle. All of it added up to over two dozen bestsellers to date, so the formula worked. It just wasn't real. What almost no one knew – by last count only the trusted inner circle of his mother, daughter, and possibly Nikki Heat's inspiration – was that he was a deeply insecure man, always worried that the female attention was due to either his fame, money, or both instead of the man himself.

He'd grown up under the specter of perpetual teasing, first for being too short, then for being too tall, then for being too heavy. That kind of verbal bullying combined with the lack of a father figure and a semi-perpetually absent mother drove his need for female affirmation. Exhibit A: Kyra. She was probably the truest love he'd ever had, but he was nowhere near mature enough to appreciate what that was at the time. She was the one that got away, indeed. Exhibit B: Meredith. Crazy people make for world-rocking sex, as he told the guys once. Exhibit C: Gina, a successful businesswoman who found him attractive and desirable. The end result was inevitable. She provided enough approval and balm to his fragile ego that his infatuation with her status and success was easily mistaken for love.

Kate was supposed to be different. She was a cop. More than that, she was a grounded, pragmatic detective. She should have been able to discern who he really was instead of his public image. She'd seen the doting father, the generous philanthropist, and countless other facets of his personality that he'd showed almost no one else. There were times when he would have sworn under oath that he saw love in her eyes, but the deeper he sank into depression the more he convinced himself it was just his imagination. She never cared for him beyond being his partner.

The burning in his back intensified with every thought of Kate and his wasted efforts. He kept looking at his liquor cabinet before shaking his head and pushing down the temptation once more. The alcohol wouldn't help him solve anything. It would dull the pain for this night, but the morning would be worse, and Kate would still be gone. Kate never loved him. He was never good enough for her.

As his malaise intensified, his tortured psyche decided it was the perfect time to revisit all of his missteps with Kate. Early on in their association, he honestly couldn't fault her for dating Will Sorenson. Not only was the man an ex-boyfriend, they were together well before the book signing and even longer before Kate began to look beyond his public reputation. Will wasn't the cause of his troubles.

Her mother's case lay at the root of all of this, but despite the trouble it caused, he didn't regret telling Kate about what he found, either. She warned him off after he already got started, but after the damage had been done she forgave him. She told him as much after shooting Dick Coonan: she wanted him there helping her, pulling on her pigtails, and had grown accustomed to their relationship.

Castle rose and slowly walked around his study, strumming his fingers along the spines of his books, each representing months of soul-draining effort. The last two were currently the most painful. His Nikki Heat stories were at once the most professionally profitable and most personally rewarding of his works. In their research and writing he had grown up, learning what it was to live his work, rather than merely imagine it.

When he and Beckett randomly found a case involving Kyra Blaine, he saw a deeper shade of green in Kate's eyes. The surveillance shots of them kissing on the roof got her riled up, though she did a good job trying to hide those emotions. After rescuing Kate from her apartment bombing and giving her his house until she could find a new apartment, he thought they might be on the road to something, but Demming put a stop to that. Demming pushing his way onto the team and the miserable summer in the Hamptons was an unmitigated disaster. Thinking he could reconnect with Gina was another mistake – she left before the first week at his beach house was over– and though he never found out for sure, he still suspected Kate was trying to tell him something more than 'have a nice summer' before he left.

Castle cast his gaze down to his feet before walking out of the office, giving up on writing anything constructive in his current mood. He moped out to the living room and flopped lengthwise on the couch, willing oblivion to come for the evening. It was not to be, however. His tortured emotions kept dredging up painful memories.

Not long after getting back, Kate was dating someone else. No one ever bothered to tell him what happened to Demming. Truth be told, he was too focused on getting the death glares to stop to inquire too much into the robbery detective's whereabouts. That whole year was a gigantic roller coaster. One minute he and Kate seemed to be getting closer and closer – oddly brought on by nearly dying in each other's arms in a freezer, physically beating the hell out of people trying to shoot them, or staring down a dirty bomb before ripping all the cables out – but every time he seemed to make progress against Kate's defenses, Dr. Motorcycle Boy was there to reap the benefits.

Castle sneered to himself at the thought. Josh Davidson. Perfect on paper, even he could admit that he fell short when compared to the doctor-motorcycle rider-humanitarian. After nearly dying in each other's arms, rather than be able to comfort Kate himself, he had to step aside and let the doctor handle her.

When Montgomery and Kate's own father tried to get him to persuade her to back off of her mother's case, it was the lowest point of their relationship. The fight they had in her apartment led to her telling him they were over – again. Regardless, he promised her 'always' and meant it. Carrying her kicking and screaming away from near-certain death at the hands of a hit squad was just part and parcel of promising 'always'. He looked out his window, snorting at the thought. She could hate him forever if it really meant she would have that forever to hate him. Nothing was worth her life, not even the answer to who ordered her mother killed.

With a huge sigh, he heaved himself off his couch and aimlessly wandered around his loft. The emptiness would be something he would have to get used to, it seemed. Alexis would be in college soon, and with as often as his mother talked about living somewhere else, the nest would be empty. His contract with Black Pawn only extended to one more Nikki Heat book and with his notes from the last three years supporting his current mood, the book would practically write itself, most especially the ending. He could maintain friendships with Esposito and Ryan outside their jobs, although Lanie would probably be more problematic due to her close friendship with Kate, who had made it abundantly clear she had no interest in pursuing a romantic entanglement despite the last three years. He could gradually fade out from precinct life and no one would even notice.

As much as the pain of learning that Kate ignored his confession of love burned, he felt light, free almost. As cliché as it sounded to a writer, he was about to start a new chapter in his life, and going forward he could go anywhere and do anything. His phone buzzed. _Beckett._ A fresh stab of pain worked its way through his back to the muscle barely beating in his her name on his phone screen made him grimace before turning the phone off. Dealing with her was not a very good idea given his current mood. Maybe ignoring her calls would be the best way to start distancing himself. With barely a pause, he shut the phone off. _I'm sorry, Kate. I'll always be there for you, but I have to heal myself first. _As he tossed the phone still showing Kate's face onto the couch, there was a knock at his door.

Not expecting any visitors, he slowly approached the door, looking through the peephole. A tangled mess of brown curls was all that greeted him, as his visitor was looking at her feet. There was only one brunette he knew of that would visit him just then.

"Beckett, I really need to be alone right now. Can't you guys handle the case without..." he trained off as he swung the door open. When the curly head lifted up at his words, the rest of his comment got lost in his surprise.

"Well that's an interesting turn of events," his visitor commented with a wry smile.

* * *

After her interrogation, Kate went in search of her partner, but he was nowhere to be found. She wandered out to her part of the homicide bullpen, but the chair next to her desk – his chair and no one else's – was conspicuously empty. She'd never even let anyone sit in that chair when he was gone for the summer writing, on book tours, or deep in her doghouse. Slowly, the rest of the precinct came to understand that was Castle's chair and stopped trying to sit in it or take it for their own desks.

"Esposito, Ryan, have you seen Castle?" she asked her team, busy handling the stack of paperwork related to the latest case.

Javier looked up from the document but left his pen in place. "Yeah, he left while you were interrogating the guy, something about not being needed since you had your man," and went back to scribbling.

Ryan also stopped what he was doing and glanced at his superior, but didn't elaborate further and continued working.

Beckett's brow furrowed. "Hmm, ok. Thanks, guys."

They continued working on their paperwork as she sat heavily at her desk and looked at his empty chair. _It's really not like him to just up and leave that way. What happened? Is Alexis ok?_

"Hey, did he say anything about if he was worried about Martha or Alexis?" Beckett pressed.

"No, just what Esposito said," Ryan answered her this time, but kept his focus on the desk in front of him, "He just muttered something about not being needed and wanting to work some more on Nikki Heat."

Kate's heart sank. _There was no way he could have seen me, right? He wasn't in the observation room when I dragged that scumbag in there. Oh shit. What if he heard me? What if he knows I've been lying to him? _

"Where was he? Was he bugging the Captain again?" She threw out the question in a rush, trying to relieve her suddenly racing heart.

Esposito looked up in all innocence. "Nah, he was in the observation room with us, watching you take that guy apart." After that statement, he almost got up to make sure Kate didn't collapse, she turned so pale.

Her shot into her throat as her worst fears were realized. _Oh shit, oh crap, and oh shit! I wasn't ready for him to know. He shouldn't have found out that way. I was going to tell him that I love him, but I just had to get past my mother's case first. Oh shit, this is a disaster. I have to get over there and fix this. Maybe there's still a chance to fix us. God knows what he's doing now! _"It - It's not like him to just leave," she stuttered, "I'm going to head after him to…make sure he's ok. Can you guys handle the paperwork?" Beckett was already packing up her phone and purse, unconsciously feeling the bulge of her gun at her hip as she barely waited to hear Esposito and Ryan's acknowledgement of her hastily-contrived excuse.

This wasn't her night, it seemed. It took her longer than normal to dig her keys out of her purse and then she seemed to hit every single red light between the precinct and Castle's loft. The traffic lights got so bad that she was halfway tempted to put her gumball on the dash just to get going, but she couldn't bring herself to abuse her power like that.

Just as she got her car parked in front of his building, she looked at the front door, only to notice a somewhat familiar brunette walk in, but she couldn't place who it was or why the woman seemed familiar. She hurriedly grabbed her purse and locked the doors behind her as she raced in, but the woman was already in the elevators.

She ran to the doorman. "Who was that woman who just came in ahead of me?" she panted, catching her breath. _Stupid physical therapy. I wish I was back in my pre-shooting conditioning. _

The doorman looked at her sadly. He'd gotten to know Detective Beckett well over the last few years, and he knew who the first woman visiting Mr. Castle was. This wasn't going to end well.

* * *

She looked shyly at him, but with an unfathomable glint in her eyes. "Hi, Rick. Can I come in?"

Castle just gaped at his visitor, completely missing the duffel bag at her feet. "Kyra?"

* * *

**A/N 2: Well? Thoughts? Concerns? Reviews are always appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and responded to the first chapter! This is my first Castle story, so your warm responses were outstanding to read!**

**I present to you Chapter 2. More angst, but we're working toward our happy ending.  
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**As usual, I don't own the show or network and no profits are being made from this, so no lawyers suing me, please! **

**No beta, so all errors are my own.  
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M & M Chapter 2

From the sidewalk in front of Castle's loft, Kate watched her writer and his ex-whatever-she-was conversing for a while. Kyra's body language was everything she was afraid it would be. At first she maintained distance, but as the conversation went on the other woman got progressively closer, putting her hand on Rick's, stroking the back of his palm, and then finally putting her hand on his arm.

Just when it couldn't get any worse, Kate looked on in despair as Kyra leaned in for a tender kiss. The sight of the man she loved kissing another woman – with whom he had a substantial romantic history to boot – made her turn away as her stomach lurched. She barely made it back to her car before the tears came, overflowing her shattering self-control. She waited too long. Her one-and-done, always just there on the other side of her desk, was gone and she couldn't blame anyone but herself. It was a few minutes before she recovered enough to be able to drive home.

* * *

Taking his open-mouthed silence as tacit approval, Kyra reached down to grab her duffle bag and walked in to the luxurious loft with more confidence than she felt.

Castle shut the door behind her and turned to face his unexpected guest. "Wha – what are you doing here?"

"Wow, Rick. Used to be I didn't need a reason to come see you," she responded, setting her bag down behind the couch and allowing him to take her jacket.

After hanging it up, he looked at her with a cocked eyebrow. "That was years ago, before my daughter and two ex-wives, and yes that was in order of priority."

She sat down on the arm of the sofa and nodded, acknowledging the truth in what he said with a soft smile. "A lot has happened, even since the murder. I'd ask if you were busy, but from your comment opening the door, it doesn't really seem like it. What happened with your cop?"

Castle puffed out a sigh. "That's a really long story. Are you sure you have time? You never answered my question, by the way."

Kyra kicked at her duffle bag. "I'm not really sure. We were doing fine, and then all of a sudden he started acting really strange around me. First he withdrew physically to the point of sleeping in the guest bedroom, and then he started trying to hack my email. The last straw was when I got out of the shower tonight and saw him scanning my phone. When I confronted him, he showed me the surveillance shots of us kissing before the wedding. He said someone gave them to him, saying they were more recent. He thought we were having an affair! Bastard kicked me out, saying his lawyer would contact me." She put her head in her hands for a moment to collect herself before the gathering sobs could overflow.

His gaze softened and displayed such sympathy that Kyra's eyes started watering. "I'm so sorry, Kyra. That's terrible. You can stay in my guest room for as long as you need to," as he offered these condolences, he offered his arms to her, which she readily accepted, burying her head in the safety of his chest. There was something so soft, warm, and familiar about their embrace. _She still smells the same_, Castle noticed as she burrowed into the crook of his neck, chocolate locks tickling his nose.

"Thank you, Rick. You have no idea what it means to me. I really wasn't looking forward to going door-to-door at Manhattan's hotels in this mood."

Castle rubbed her back and buried his head on top of hers. "It's not a problem at all. I've been there myself, and I would have been really grateful for a place to escape, especially with a toddler."

She pulled away from the embrace, walking over to his couch for some distance and to re-center herself. Kyra also took the opportunity to look around the apartment for the first time. "Rick! This apartment is amazing! Do you live here by yourself?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, slightly uncomfortable with how to explain his life since college. "Um, no, actually. It's me, my daughter Alexis, and my mother Martha. Neither of them is here at the moment, so I was just wallowing solo."

"Wallowing? What about your detective? You never answered my question either," she challenged.

"Like I said, it's a long story. Would you like a glass of wine?" He was already uncorking a bottle of the Riesling she used to drink in college when she said she would.

With a raised eyebrow at Castle's lack of an accompanying glass, Kyra waited for him to get to his story.

Despite his misgivings, Kyra proved to be the perfect audience for that particular moment. They sat on opposite corners of his sofa as he started catching Kyra up on his life since her. She was outraged over the way Meredith treated him and Alexis but tender when she saw how Rick spoke of his daughter and their relationship. When he talked about the struggles of raising a child on his own while writing, she reached forward and laid her hand on his forearm for support.

Her eyes flashed angry fire when he talked about the brief marriage to his editor. The woman he hoped would provide a successful female role model for his daughter turned out to be another mistake of judgment. The same hyper-critical tendencies that made her a world-class editor made her a miserable woman to be around outside work.

Kyra leaned forward when he got up to the most recent involvement, some of which she knew already. "What about Detective…Beckett?" she asked, remembering the detective's name halfway through.

That brought a full-throated laugh out of Castle as he looked at his guest and friend, grateful for the physical distance. "I never thought I would say this, but that story's actually more complicated than Meredith or Gina. Beckett interrogated me four years ago when some guy was copycatting the Storm murders to hide the murder of his sister. I helped her solve the case, and aside from the fun I had helping take a killer off the streets, I was inspired by who she was. She was…she was…she was the first woman I'd met since making it as an author that wasn't impressed by the trappings. Money, fame, connections…nothing mattered to her other than getting at the truth behind the murders. She was extraordinary, even then. I had to learn more about her, so I was able to use my connections to the Mayor to get myself attached as kind of a consulting detective, shadowing Beckett around and helping her team."

Kyra knew from long ago that he would need to talk. He always needed to use his words when he was at his most emotional. Being an author came from a devotion to words – not just words written in ink on paper, but language and communication as a whole. She waited patiently as he described how poking his nose into Kate's mother's murder bit him in the ass, which she had no trouble believing. He always rushed into things that excited him without fully considering the consequences. She nodded in sympathy and understanding when he brought up his brief fling with the actress Ellie Monroe, and the disgust and self-loathing he felt when he learned she was just using him to get a part in his movie.

Her woman's intuition told her that Kate wouldn't take that well, and sure enough, that launched Castle into an explanation of Kate's relationship with another detective, though he was vague about how it ended. She could see the hurt and resignation behind his eyes when he talked about how affectionate she was at the precinct with her other detective, and how that gave him the impetus to be anywhere else for a few months. When he explained that he would rather Kate be happy than fight to try to break up an apparently solid relationship, her heart broke again for him. Still, the confusion in his face when he told her about Kate's strange, halting wishes that he have a wonderful summer when Gina met him at the precinct had her shaking her head.

"Anyway…Kate Beckett is probably the most private person I know. She's fiercely protective of her heart and soul. It took me years to show her I could be trusted with the most personal things about her. A few months ago, we were at the funeral for her captain…"

Kyra cut in, leaning forward with wide eyes, "I remember that! She was shot at the police funeral and the sniper escaped!"

He took a deep breath, using the every ounce of strength to not break down in the re-telling of his most harrowing moment. Kate Beckett dying in his arms from a sniper's bullet was even worse than the dirty bomb ticking down the seconds of their lives, because at least she was there by his side for the bomb. "Yeah…yeah. I was up on the dais with her during the eulogy, and even though I saw the glint from the scope, I didn't recognize it in time. I was about two seconds too late to knock her out of the way. She was dying in my arms. I had to do something to keep her awake as long as possible for the medics, and with her fading out, I told her the one thing I'd never said out loud before…" he trailed off, unable to finish.

Kyra reached out and took his hand and squeezed it gently to show her concern, tracing her thumb along the back of his palm. "You told her you loved her," she said quietly. She was the first of Castle's Women, and she evidently still knew him the best. They were friends before they were lovers, and even though they lost touch for so long, she could still see much of the young man she cared so deeply for in college.

He nodded wordlessly, casting his eyes down.

"What's wrong with that? You gave her the one thing she desperately needed to hear while she was fighting for her life. You gave her something to fight _for_!" From his recollection of life between her and Kate, she knew that even though he'd married two other women, she and Kate Beckett were probably the only two women who got to know Rick the man, not Castle the author. Rivals though they might be – she got the feeling his story wasn't over yet – they shared a kinship of sorts.

"Yeah, and I spent the next week living in her room at the ICU until she woke up and wanted to see her boyfriend the doctor. She told me she didn't really remember a lot of the day she got shot… 'fuzzy memories' or something like that is what she said. Then she told me she needed space and disappeared for three months. I told her I loved her and she just vanished. No words, no calls, no texts, no nothing. I had to spend the entire summer investigating her mother's murder and her shooting without her there, never knowing how she was doing."

"Like when you went to the beach house with your ex?" Kyra pointed out, not unkindly.

The anguished lines in his face made her regret her words as soon as they were out. "Yeah, I guess I deserved that," he admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry," she apologized with sincerity showing in her eyes, "Go on. You're in too much pain for that to be the end of the story."

"Yeah, um, tonight I kinda learned the truth. She was interrogating a suspect who had been shot and claimed to not remember anything about it. I was in the observation room, but she didn't know that, and she told the guy she remembered every second of her shooting. She lied to me. I told her I loved her, she lied to me, and then disappeared for a season before coming back and continuing the lie. Guess she never found the right way to let me down easily," he finished in a defeated tone.

Seeing the agony in the eyes she remembered almost constantly sparkling with delight when they were together broke her heart anew. In that moment, she remembered how close they used to be when they were much younger. Looking in his face, Kyra saw the hurt she must have caused him when she left. An impulse she later would be unable to fully explain struck her and she leaned forward to plant a warm kiss on his pain-wracked face.

The look on his face told her everything she needed to know. Surprise morphed into disappointment, which turned into resolve. He broke the kiss after a few seconds and put his hands on her forearms to hold her in place. "I just can't…I can't do that right now, Kyra. I've given her too much of myself...I have to get that back before I can give it to anyone. I might not ever get over her."

It was a tribute to Kyra's maturity that she took no offense to his statement, but wrapped him in a hug instead. "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm wounded too. It wasn't a come-on, Rick. It was just an impulse, a way to show you that there are people around you who do care."

He smiled, seeing no duplicity in her warm, chocolate-colored eyes. "Thank you," he responded sincerely.

She wove her fingers through his. "So what do you do now, Rick? Are you going to fight for her?"

That wiped the smile off of his face. Castle hesitated for one brief instant before responding, "No, I'm not. After four years, I think I'm done tilting at that particular windmill. I promised her always, and I will always be her friend, but I think I'm giving up on love."

That wasn't good enough for Kyra. She grabbed his jaw with one hand, forcing him to look at her. "Look me in the eye and tell me you're not in love with her."

Castle tried. God knows he tried to form the words, but after everything he and Kate had been through, after all the sides of her she'd allowed him to see, his mouth refused to utter the denial. "I can't. I'm hopelessly in love. Hopeless fool in a hopeless situation." Kyra saw the moment his resolve broke and wrapped her arms around him, putting his head against her chest and stroked his back and neck, murmuring soothing nonsense while he fought not to break down entirely.

The underlying tone of despondent resignation alarmed her. When he was calm enough, she pushed him back up and said, "Don't give up on her or any of us yet, Rick. Someone's going to see what an amazing…"

"Stop it, please. I'm sorry, Kyra, but I'm a little old for that speech. I loved you, and you left," at her embarrassed grimace, he held up a hand, "But that's water long under the bridge. Meredith only ever gave me one good thing – Alexis – before she took everything she could. Gina was a mistake from the start, and after Kate, I just don't believe in love anymore. I don't have anything else left to give another woman. From now on, it's just me and the books."

He saw her start to object and cut it off before it got started, "Come on. You've had a bad day too, and probably bored listening to me whine. Let's get you settled. I'll show you the guest room and set out some towels if you want to take another shower."

Kyra dropped the subject for the moment, but she wasn't done. As she got up to follow him, she responded, "Ok, but we're not done with this yet. Feel like ordering a pizza while I change? Maybe we can have a movie night after that?"

* * *

**SOS! Can you come over?**

After Lanie responded by saying she was on her way with two bottles of wine and ice cream, Kate threw her phone on the couch and sat down with her head firmly in her hands. To this point she could not honestly recall making the drive from Castle's loft back to her apartment. She'd been in such a state of shock her autopilot had kicked in. Until the minute she learned Castle had heard her statement in the interrogation room, she really believed they were on the road to each other. She had been making progress with her therapist, making progress on the case, and her goal was coming ever closer. One day when she would be able to feel comfortable starting something real with Rick, but it wouldn't happen until she closed her mother's case.

Every time she pushed him away, it cost her more. Her heart wanted to reach out to him, ached to open itself. Each cup of coffee brought just for her, each dinner out he paid for broke her resolve just a bit, but then looking at her murderboard brought her back to the case again._ When I'm ready, I said. But when is that going to be? Will I need time to figure out who I am even after we get my mom's killers?_

Something had to give.

Just then, a knock at her door broke through her reverie. When she opened it, Lanie was there. As if the wine and sugar weren't enough warning, the look on Beckett's face brought Lanie through the door without a word. As soon as the food was secured, she wrapped her friend in a firm, warm embrace.

The gesture broke Kate's resolve, and she was soon shaking with silent sobs as hot tears coursed down her face.

"Shhh, baby, shhh. It's ok." Lanie soothed, rubbing her hand up and down Kate's back in an attempt to calm her. After a while, it worked. Kate's sobs eventually gave way to sniffles, which then gave way to little snorts. Finally, she was able to sit down on the couch with some semblance of her self-control back.

Lanie spooned out a couple dishes of the ice cream and poured two glasses of wine before joining Kate on the opposite end of the couch. "Now, what happened?"

Kate took a deep breath. "Castle told me he loves me," she rushed out as one word before taking a tissue out of a box she kept on a nearby end table and dabbing at her eyes.

Lanie's eyes got huge as she translated. "That's great!" she squealed, "When? How did you respond? Why are you here sobbing with me instead of doing unspeakable things to that incredible piece of man-candy?"

"Woah, Lanie. It's not great, at least not right now. He, um, he told me when I got shot. It was the last thing I heard before I blacked out," Kate's eyes fell as she admitted it.

Her friend's smile lost its luster. "Ok, you need to walk me through this one," ice cream forgotten, Lanie sat back with the wine and waited for Kate to explain.

"Yeah, um, I couldn't really deal with that on top of everything else, so I told Castle I didn't remember anything about my shooting, and then…"

"You disappeared for the summer. Oh Katie," Lanie chided gently.

It was enough. Kate's head dropped in shame. "I know. I broke up with Josh, but Castle didn't know that until I ran into him again that fall."

"Did you ever tell him you knew?" Lanie questioned after another sip of the wine.

Kate started shredding her tissue before answering evasively, "Not…directly?"

The medical examiner didn't let her off the hook that easily. "Katherine Beckett! What did you do?"

"I…was interrogating a suspect who said he didn't remember something after he was shot in the leg. I didn't know Castle was in the observation room, and I guess he heard me challenge the punk when I said I was shot in the chest and remembered every second of it…"

"Oh Kate," Lanie breathed sympathetically as she drew her friend into another hug.

As they drew apart, Kate gave a watery smile. "Yeah. I went over to his loft to see if I could fix it, but someone else beat me there."

"Gina…Meredith…Natalie Rhodes?" Lanie threw out names, unable to figure out who would have gone over to Castle's that night.

"No, it was Kyra. You remember from the wedding case, his ex from college? He said she was his 'one that got away',"

If it was possible, Lanie's eyes got even wider. "What happened? Did you go up there and confront him?"

"How could I? She went up there, and I saw from the sidewalk they were getting _very _friendly. I left when they started kissing. I had to get out of there before they started ripping each other's clothes off," Kate's resolve cracked as she got to the last part, and a single tear slipped down her cheek.

After four years of watching their back-and-forth tribulations, Lanie had developed a detective-sense of her own when it came to Kate and Rick. "Who kissed whom? Did _she _kiss _him_ or did _he _kiss _her_?"

She had to think back, but after some effort, Kate grudgingly looked her friend in the eye and admitted, "She kissed him."

"Ok. Now, Castle's emotional, and his ex-sweetie showed up. You don't have any reason to believe he did anything else. How long has it been since that bimbo Ellie? Wasn't Gina his last fling? " Lanie didn't wait for Kate to answer before standing up and walking around as she made her points, "If he did that to you, wouldn't you be pissed off if he got mad at you for kissing someone else?"

Kate didn't want to admit the truth in Lanie's accusation, but the medical examiner's gaze was unwavering. "Fine. You're right. I'm being hypocritical. Happy now?"

With a soft grin, Lanie sat back down. "At least I got you to admit it. The question is: what are you going to do about it?"

At this challenge, Kate stood up and burned off some of her nervous energy by walking around the room. "There isn't anything I _can _do, Lanie! I'm nowhere near ready enough to be in a relationship with him! I wasn't ready for him to know I heard him at the cemetery, and now that he knows I've been lying to him for months…it's all just gone to hell so fast."

The warmth disappeared from Lanie's gaze as Kate looked. "So, you aren't ready to be in a relationship with Castle, but being with Doctor Motorcycle Boy was fine?"

"Those are totally different situations!" Kate responded with a flash of anger.

"Why? Because you didn't have to give anything real to Josh, but you would have to give Castle everything, right?" Lanie wasn't holding back. Tough love was the only thing that would get through to Kate right now.

It worked. Kate opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish, without words.

"Why can't you trust him? Hasn't he proven he's not going anywhere? Hasn't he shown you he's going to stick around and help you with your mom's case?"

"That's just it, Lanie! I have to focus on that! I can't let my mom down. I just can't." She had to get Lanie to understand this central part of her life.

Lanie just stared. She took both of Kate's hands in hers and looked directly in her friend's eyes before saying something she never thought she would have to say to Katherine Beckett. "So, you're going to make your mother proud of you by denying the love that wonderful man and his family keep trying to give you? You're going to live up to her memory by drowning yourself in a case that took her life, almost took your dad's, and very nearly your sanity, not to mention YOUR own life at Montgomery's funeral? Your mom's case will have destroyed your whole family, Kate!"

Beckett opened her mouth to challenge, but Lanie cut her off with a raised hand. "I am _not _done yet, and you _will_ listen to what I have to say. Do we understand each other?"

Kate nodded, shutting her mouth and waiting for Lanie's tirade to continue.

"Good! Now, as I was about to say, you've already lost a decade of happiness to this case, and after God only knows how many more years before its closed – _if _you survive it – you're going to wake up, look around, and have wasted the best years of your life! Look me in the eye and tell me that your mom would be happy to see that."

What could she say? "No, she wouldn't. She would have wanted me to be happy." Kate looked down at her hands.

"Good. Now, we have to figure out what you want. I know it, and you know it, but you have to say it out loud. Do you, Katherine Beckett, or do you not love Richard Castle?"

That was too direct. Kate stood up, twisting her fingers physically as she figuratively twisted to avoid the question. "It's not that simple, Lanie!"

"It IS that simple and you know it!" the medical examiner responded, "You wouldn't be this broken up now, and you wouldn't have put yourself through the last three years if you didn't! Now say it." She pronounced her ultimatum.

Cornered. She was cornered. Fight-or-flight kicked in, but running from her best female friend was ludicrous. Kate fought with herself, denying her love but unable to explain the burning ache in the center of her chest. Four years of running was too much. She finally gave in. "Yes! Yes, I love him. It's killing me that I've lost him, but I love Richard Castle."

"Hallelujah!" Lanie cried, "She has seen the light and it is good!"

Kate chuckled weakly. "What do I do, Lanie?"

Lanie walked over to the detective and pulled her into a hug. As she released, she looked Kate in the eye and dispensed her prescription, "You take tonight, get your head out of your ass, and then go fight for your man tomorrow. It's going to take some work, but you do whatever you have to do. If you have to grovel, you get down on your knees and beg. God knows you've made him beg a time or two. He's stuck around through a lot, but this time you need to make sure he stays," and as she turned to head out Kate's door, she threw over her shoulder, "And when you and Writer-Boy finally do the nasty, I want DETAILS!"

The closing door echoed the sound of Kate's first real laugh all day. It was weak, but she felt a flicker of hope.

Then she heard Lanie's phone ring in the hall, quickly followed by her own.

_Shit. This is so not the time I want to investigate a murder. Will Castle even answer if I call him?_

* * *

**A/N 2: Please don't hate me! What do you think? As always, reviews are very much appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much! The response to chapter 2 was overwhelming. I'm so grateful for everyone who reviewed, alerted, and favorited this story of mine, especially since it's my first Castle story ever.**

**There's just a little more angst in this chapter, but you have to look for it.  
**

******As per usual, I don't own Castle or any of the characters, so I'm not making any money. **

* * *

M & M Chapter 3

_Bzzzzzz….bzzzzzz….bzzzzzz…._

Castle's phone vibrated unnoticed on the breakfast bar as he and Kyra lost themselves in a marathon of _The Lord of the Rings. _She knew he would love the movies from the tattered and worn copies of the books he kept with him in college. Currently engrossed in the battle of Helm's Deep, Kyra subtly steered him toward these movies with the hope that the writer would subconsciously appreciate the subplot of reluctant heroes overcoming impossible odds for a happy ending.

**We have a body. Are you coming?**

The text from Kate Beckett went unanswered.

_Bzzzzzz….bzzzzzz….bzzzzzz…._

* * *

The silence was deafening.

Castle would surely roll his eyes and groan at the cliché, but it was true; even more so because the silence in question was his absence from Detective Kate Beckett's car. She almost fell out of her door in her haste to escape the silence.

Some quirk in the physics of the alley's construction dampened the sound, so while she could see the crime scene, she couldn't hear any of the activity. Still Castle's absence gnawed at her. The rapid-fire _click-click-click_ of Kate's heels impacting the pavement provided distraction from the oppressive quiet and resembled muted gunshots down the alley as she ducked under the crime scene tape and walked down the alley toward the victim. The staccato mimicked the rapidly firing thoughts shooting through her brain. She was exhausted from the protest bombing and extracting a confession. Adding the stress of the shitstorm facing her with Castle only wore her down further, and now another case – one that promised to be unusually complicated at that – only piled the tension on. Her usually-helpful large cup of coffee helped her barely hold things together. She was beginning to wish Starbucks offered a 7-11 Big Gulp size. That would probably be unhealthy, though.

The quiet in her department car was oppressive, but now that she was walking to a crime scene it became overwhelming. Four years of Castle almost constantly chattering in her ear started off incredibly annoying, but over time grew to be first a part of the atmosphere and then a crucial component to her daily existence. He kept things light and made a tough job more bearable. The man seemed to go out of his way to share her burden, and Kate felt adrift without his presence. She hadn't laid eyes on him since the interrogation when everything went wrong. Lying to him about hearing his declaration of love turned into a horrific mess, but she promised herself she would fix it. She owed it to him.

Lanie, arriving before her, sent her a warning text that the death was gruesome and highly unusual. The late-March weather had taken a warmer-than-normal turn, and while on the way over she was physically comfortable in her usual suit, something about the wind blowing through this alley sent a chill straight to her bones.

The size of the crowd in the alley told her as much as dispatch had about who the victim was. Easily triple the normal crowd of responding officers and technicians. Kate could see the tension in their postures. The death of a brother officer hit everyone hard. The techs worked feverishly, focused only on their own tasks and oblivious to their surroundings. The officers not assigned to perimeter security were in various poses of anger and frustration at their inability to help one of their own. She walked up to Ryan, Esposito, and the larger-than-normal crowd of uniforms surrounding the body, hearing whispered curses and mutters of disbelief. Lanie looked up from her examinations as Kate approached.

Ryan and Esposito looked at her with raised eyebrows and tiny steps back as she squatted down for a closer look. To anyone meeting her for the first time, Beckett was the picture of professionalism in her suit, nice shoes, and air of competency. To her teammates she was a mess. She had obviously skipped applying her makeup, her hair was pulled back in a simple ponytail, and she seemed to have trouble focusing. Castle's absence was another flashing warning sign. Something happened to her after Castle left the precinct, and it wasn't good, but she would tell them if she needed to. Until then, they would stand right behind her just like always.

"What do we have, Lanie?" she asked.

"Oh it's just up your alley, no pun intended. A Beckett Special, and a body unlike any I've seen before," her friend responded, "I have absolutely no idea what killed Detective Whitley here. There are no bruises that would indicate a struggle, no external wound, and the body's bloated like a balloon, which is highly unusual for such a fresh one. Usually the body wouldn't swell like this until a day or so had passed, but this guy hasn't been dead for more than a few hours. Some blood trickling out one corner of his mouth, "she indicated with a pen, "but no other indicators of any violence."

Beckett turned to Esposito. "Javier, have the neighbors reported any gunshots or noises of a fight?"

He looked at Ryan with a cocked eyebrow before giving his answer, unwilling to point out to his boss the lack of external wounds that her friend had just mentioned. "Um, no, Detective Beckett. He was found by a hobo just as he is now."

She shook her head as if to clear some cobwebs. "Right, sorry. Ok, I'll head back to the precinct to see if I can find anything from the recent cases Whitley was working. You two see if the local businesses or neighbors saw anything out of the ordinary, and Lanie, let me know when you get him back to the morgue if you find out what killed him."

The group nodded their assent and the machinery of crime-solving ground on as normal.

* * *

Alexis eased the door open to see sunlight shining in through the apartment's fully-open windows. She wasn't expecting anyone to be up and going so early in the morning – she left the sleepover early to spend some more time with her dad, since he seemed to be stressing out more than normal the past few days – so the clatter of silverware on plates was a surprise. She sniffed the air as she gently closed the door shut with a soft _click_. Pancakes. _Dad must be in a better mood today_, she mused.

Just as she started to head in the kitchen intending to sneak up on her dad, she heard a distinctly feminine voice followed by her father's, but the distance and low volume prevented her from hearing exactly what they were saying. _That is _so_ not Detective Beckett_, she realized with rapidly widening eyes, _who does he have over?_

Giving up the pretense of subtlety, Alexis started humming loudly as she rounded the corner and entered the kitchen. Her dad was standing at the breakfast bar, spraying whipped cream on a short stack of pancakes in front of a brunette woman Alexis had never met before who was rubbing his back with one hand. A similar short stack, already adorned with whipped cream and syrup lay before him, and a plate of extras stood off to the side, ready to go.

She didn't hear the full conversation, but the woman was finishing a sentence with, "…but don't worry, Rick. It'll work out. Everything will be ok," in a soft, soothing voice.

"Dad, hi!" she cried, wrapping her arms around her father.

"Hey, pumpkin! You're back early! Was the sleepover that boring?" he teased, forcing a smile bigger than he felt but at the same time genuinely glad to see his daughter given the events of the previous twenty-four hours.

Alexis didn't miss the effort. It was the lack of a twinkle in his eyes. The twinkle gave his real emotions away every time, and she learned early in life to read his real feelings by his eyes.

"Oh you know, nothing compared to being here! So, um, pancakes, and…" she trailed off, nodding obviously at their guest.

"I'm sorry! Where are my manners?" Castle wondered, "Alexis, meet Kyra…?" he questioned, realizing he never asked which name she was going by with the assumed divorce impending.

"Blaine, Kyra Blaine," she smiled, sensing the source of his confusion and extending her hand to Rick's daughter, "you must be Alexis. I'm so happy to meet you. Your dad has told me so much about you!"

"It's very nice to meet you, Ms. Blaine," Alexis greeted the newcomer properly with a smile and a warm handshake, "Dad, are you going to the precinct this morning? I have some follow-up paperwork from the school for Dr. Parrish to fill out for my internship grades."

The two adults looked at each other, trying to silently communicate an answer to the teenager's question. Predictably, Kyra recovered first. "Call me Kyra please, Alexis. Rick, I think I'll let you two catch up while I take a quick shower." She beat a hasty retreat to let him explain to his daughter the new situation. It wasn't her place to explain Rick's dating life to his daughter, after all.

"Ah, well, sweetheart…I'm not actually going in today, or probably for the foreseeable future," he managed to explain without his voice cracking after turning to face Alexis.

"What? Why? What happened?" she pressed, taking some pancakes for herself from the stack of surplus. _Probably something to do with whatever this Kyra was reassuring him about._

He sighed, trying to find the words. "Kate and I have come to the end of our rope, I guess would be the best way to describe it…and I don't know if I'll be shadowing her anymore. I have all the notes and experience I need for any number of Nikki Heat books, so there's no real reason for me to stay on there, and I know you weren't crazy about the danger so…it was an easy decision?"

"No way, Dad. You're not burying the lead with me. What happened with Detective Beckett?" Alexis wasn't going to be dissuaded. She saw her father almost give his life for this woman at the funeral, and if he was going to give up that easily, something major must have happened.

_She's not even in college yet. I know she's listened to a lot of the drama my dating has subjected her to, but Beckett brings a level of complicated she's never had to comprehend before. How can I explain this to her? _He wondered to himself. "You remember her shooting?" he asked.

Alexis' eye-roll was eerily reminiscent of Kate's usual reaction to his theories and for a moment he felt the familiar churning in his stomach. "How could I not?"

"Right, of course you do. Well, before the medics got there, I saw how bad it was, and in that moment, when I wasn't sure if she was going to live or die," he paused to collect himself, so overcome was he at the memory, "I knew I wouldn't ever forgive myself if I didn't tell her how I really felt about her," He had to pause to collect himself, so much did the memory affect him, "so I told her that she had to hang on because I loved her."

"Oh, Daddy," she whispered. Pancakes forgotten, Alexis opened her arms for another embrace. Seeing her father struggle with emotions the way the memory of Beckett's shooting was hitting him was a rare thing.

"Thank you, sweetie," his voice was muffled by her hair, "And after the shooting, she said her memories of the funeral were fuzzy, then disappeared to her father's cabin for a few months to re-center herself."

"I remember how much that upset last summer," Alexis responded quietly before taking a small bite of the – _wow these are way better than his usual! I wonder if Kyra taught him something new _– she mused – really good pancakes.

"The other day, I was watching Beckett interrogate a suspect. She didn't know I was in the observation room, and she told the guy that she remembered every second of her shooting," he said, looking to his own breakfast rather than face whatever emotions might show in his daughter's eyes.

A myriad of emotions crossed the girl's face. Shock quickly gave way to disbelief and disappointment, and in front of his eyes, his daughter's mien set into cold grimness.

"I can't believe Kate would do that," Alexis almost growled, "What are you going to do?" Her father and the detective were perpetually on different pages, but for Kate to lie about hearing a confession of love was stunning.

"I really don't know, baby bird. The chain of events seems to indicate she doesn't feel the same. I've learned how badly pushing her on anything personal can turn out, so I guess I can either show up like normal and keep pretending I don't love her, or I just slowly disengage, sticking around to keep an eye on things, but not putting myself through that kind of torture every day. I've already burned my hand on that stove before," Castle was still smarting, despite Kyra's encouragement the night before.

"If by some unbelievable chance she can't see that you two were clearly meant to be together, you have to know that. You two have been through too much to throw it all away. Something is going to happen here." Alexis insisted. There were few women she looked up to like Detective Katherine Beckett, and just spending time around the woman had convinced Alexis there was more than just casual affection on her part for her father. His friendship/partnership/whatever-they-had with Beckett made her dad happier and more fulfilled than any other woman he'd ever known, to the point where at the funeral he risked his life to save hers. Despite Alexis' misgivings, was willing to continue following the detective into danger.

He smiled wanly. "I know pop culture – all those romantic comedies you and Paige love to watch – perpetuates the notion of destiny helping star-crossed lovers, but that's just not reality, Pumpkin," _Oh I wish I didn't have to explain this to her for another few years. No one should have to grow up that early,_ he thought as he watched the determination on her face morph into something he couldn't entirely define, "People who seem to be perfectly matched can end up hating each other, and people you'd never believe would work can have a love for the ages. It's not destiny, or meant-to-be, it's work. Making romance work takes effort every single day. You have to make a conscious decision to want to be with someone and to want to make it work, otherwise little problems turn into deal-breakers. That's probably part of the reason why there are so many divorces – people just expect things to magically work out, and if the other person doesn't react exactly as they want, they just shrug and say 'Oh well. It wasn't meant to be," he finished the speech needing a short drink of the apple juice he'd poured before Alexis even got back.

Her eyes softened, filling with empathy for the pain her father must have been in the last twenty-four hours, but wanting to steer her wonderful, optimistic, cheerful father off this defeatist mindset. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sure you'll make the right decision about Kate," she switched tactics, hoping to cheer her father up again, "What about our guest? Who is she and why does her name sound familiar?"

It had her desired effect. Castle smiled, the twinkle returning to his eyes, albeit without the intensity she had seen over the past few years. "Kyra was my college sweetheart. I dedicated one of my first books to her."

"That's right! I remember her name now, but why is she here?" Alexis got worried. If his college sweetheart got here the same day he gave up on Kate, it could be disastrous for her nascent plans to get them back on the same page.

Unbeknownst to both Castles, Kyra had _not _gone to take a shower, but was standing just out of sight, listening to their conversation. Eavesdropping made her feel guilty, but seeing Rick in an entirely new way was worth the minor transgression. Rick in 'Dad-mode' was a revelation. She caught glimpses of the grown-up man during her wedding, but seeing his maturity full-force brought it all home. Kate Beckett was a fool to string him along. Mature enough to understand love, young-at-heart enough to have fun, enough money to live comfortably, and the decency to treat her well, combined with the parenting skills to raise that very impressive young woman… she sighed. Beckett helped find justice for her murdered friend and bridesmaid two years before, and Rick was even more in love with her now than he was then. _I really hope these two idiots figure this thing out soon, _she thought as Castle and his daughter resumed talking.

"Anyway, Kyra's husband got some…information that wrongly led him to believe she was cheating on him with me, so he kicked her out and is probably going to divorce her. I couldn't just turn her away, so I offered her our guest room as long as she'll need it," he explained to Alexis.

"Good. If you sent her to a hotel after that kind of a night, I think I would have borrowed Beckett's gun to shoot you, Dad," Alexis smiled to show her joke. _Kate's best friend is my old supervisor in the morgue_, she mused to herself,_ so maybe I can run the papers to the precinct myself and talk to Lanie. The two of us know these two better than anyone else, so maybe we can figure out what the hell is going on with them, _"Don't worry about my papers then, Dad. I'll just run them down to the precinct myself on the way to school."

"Are you sure? I can handle a trip there myself. I am a big boy, you know. The other day I even tied my own shoes," he mockingly declared.

"I'm sure. I'll handle it. You don't need to go down there today. The only thing you need to do is finish those pancakes," she gestured to his plate while facing her own again, "and call your friend back from around the corner to finish her own," Alexis looked up to see Kyra sheepishly come back.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have listened to your talk," she apologized.

"Don't worry, Kyra," Castle answered, "Now I don't have to tell you what I told Alexis."

The group chuckled and set about demolishing the truly wonderful breakfast in front of them.

* * *

The same sun illuminating the breakfast party at Castle's loft filtered through the windows at the twelfth precinct and warmed Kate Beckett as she cupped her mug of barely passable coffee. Try as she might, she just couldn't get it flavored as well as Castle could, though his machine alone made it better than the monkey-pee-in-battery-acid they used to have.

Esposito and Ryan had just arrived back after talking to the neighbors and businesses around the area where they found Detective Whitley. As expected, no one saw or heard anything. She was in the process of reviewing old case files that Whitley had worked to see if anything that jumped out at her. Thus far she had come up empty. Beckett tossed the latest file onto the desk with a frustrated sigh and vainly tried rubbing the tiredness out of her eyes just as her two boys came up to her desk. She inwardly smiled at their image of a united front. They knew something was wrong, but had allowed her the time to get her head on straight before confronting her.

"Beckett, can we have a word?" Ryan started.

"What's up, guys? Do you have anything new on Detective Whitley's case?" She deflected, unwilling to dive into Castle's absence. Every time she thought about why, her heart clenched and she felt sick to her stomach. Putting on her concealer and other makeup took long enough, but hiding the evidence of her near-breakdown was worth it. She couldn't afford to seem like a complete mess in the one area of her life where she still felt at least a little confident.

"Yeah, we have a few questions for you, starting off with why your boy isn't here for this. He loves the strange ones." Esposito clasped his hands behind his back and waited.

She cocked an eyebrow, waiting for the façade to crack. _Nothing. The boys are determined today. _"I don't know exactly why your buddy isn't in today. He just had something to deal with, I guess. Why? Do you miss braiding each other's hair already?" she challenged. _Deflect, deflect, deflect_. Just as they were about to respond, her phone rang. _Saved by the bell. Thank you, Lanie!_

"Sorry, guys," she said, hanging up after talking with Lanie, "I need to get downstairs. Lanie has something on Whitley. See if you can get anything more solid on anyone extra weird who may have been after him from his partner, family and friends."

* * *

Beckett arrived in the morgue, grateful for the relative calm of the elevator providing a chance to center herself and focus on the case and not her absent partner. A murdered police officer with what Lanie called a cause of death she'd never seen before? She unconsciously smiled at the crazy theories he would spin to explain that, cute childlike enthusiasm and creativity showing through his adorable blue eyes…_stop it! Focus on getting the cause of death first, and then figure out what to do about Castle and how to get his new girlfriend out of his life. _She sighed.

Hearing the sigh, Lanie looked up. A telltale softening of her gaze was the only external acknowledgement she gave for Castle's absence.

"You're going to love this one, Kate," she said, waving Beckett over to the body on the table.

_Bless you, Lanie. Thank you so much for making me focus on the case and not my pathetic excuse for a personal life. _"What do you have for me, Lanie?" she asked.

"I was right. This is like nothing I have ever seen before," she peeled back the incision on the now-much-less-bloated body, "Notice anything out of the ordinary?"

Beckett looked inside the cadaver without hesitation or squeamishness, long used to the gory sights that waited on the medical examiner's table. "You mean other than the lack of more than one of his vital organs?"

"Mm-hmm," Lanie agreed, "Whatever killed Officer Whitley nearly vaporized his stomach and a couple smaller organs nearby, leaving significant damage to the liver and kidneys. There's also a lot of damage to his spine and ribs. I'm going to have to run a complete chemical panel and tox screen to see what I can find that might have caused this."

"Ok, let me know what you find," Kate instructed needlessly. Lanie would tell her everything she needed to know without even being asked. She was just that good of a medical examiner.

"So, no Writer-Boy today?" Lanie asked, snapping her gloves off. She just couldn't leave her friend alone for any longer.

"No, he didn't come in. I texted him about the body, but he never answered," Kate's voice was smaller than Lanie had ever heard it.

"What are you going to do?" Lanie pressed as she washed her hands in the lab's sink.

Kate started pacing around the table not even heeding the body anymore. "I don't know, Lanie. I've never screwed up this badly before. Should I just go over there? What if _she _answers? What do I do then?"

Lanie finished washing up and turned to address the matter at hand. "You do what you have to do. You beg him to come help you with this case if you have to, and if he doesn't, if he needs space to come to terms, you give him some space and time, but not much of either. You let that man know you want to make things right, the way you let him make it up to you after the Hamptons disaster."

For the first time that morning, Beckett gave a full, genuine smile. "Thank you. I really don't know how I'd handle this without you helping me."

The medical examiner gave her friend a grim smile, "Any time, hun. Now go get your man and you work together to find the guy who did this." Kate's determined frown came back before she headed out to go back upstairs.

When the elevator _dinged _and opened, Kate was met with someone she absolutely was not prepared to see at that moment. Her mouth worked open and closed, but no words came out.

"Detective Beckett," Alexis greeted, voice cold enough to leave frost on the metal doors.

"Hi, Alexis," Kate almost whispered. She avoided any more conversation and slipped past the girl onto the elevator as she exited. When the doors were closed, she leaned back against the carriage walls and exhaled. _Apparently I have to try to fix things with more than just Big Castle,_ she mentally sighed, _I'm so sorry, Rick. I never meant for any of this to happen._

* * *

Lanie heard another set of footsteps approaching and looked up in surprise, unaccustomed to the level of traffic this early in the day. A flash of red hair greeted her as her new intern arrived, on her day off, no less.

"Alexis Castle, what are you doing here on your day off? Don't tell me you don't have better things to do!" Lanie chided gently.

The redhead grinned. She liked her new boss, which promised to make the internship that much more personally rewarding. "Sorry, Dr. Parrish. I just came to drop these forms off. The school needs them for some obscure record that no one with any sanity will ever look at again," she explained before seeing the corpse on the table, "whoa, what happened to him?"

"That's my job for today, and possibly yours tomorrow. It's Detective Beckett's case, so you'll probably hear about it at home too," the medical examiner outlined as she started collecting the scalpel and other tools necessary for the analysis of chemical signatures she'd told Kate would be necessary. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted it, but maybe not calling attention to the current rift between the girl's father and the detective – however temporary she wanted that rift to be – was a bad thing.

"Actually, that's the other reason I wanted to talk to you. You're Detective Beckett's best friend, right?" Alexis must have inherited her direct manner from her father, Lanie decided.

"Absolutely. Kate and I go way back. Since you're down here asking me that question, I think I can guess why. Is your dad pretty upset?"

"He was devastated the other night, but after his ex from college showed up, he started acting a little more normal. Not like he was when Beckett used to come over, but better, you know? I just wish I knew why Kate would do what she did," Alexis' frustration was evident as she flopped onto a chair in the lab.

"I know, I know. She's pretty broken up, too. Your dad has made his mistakes with her, but trust me, she knows she screwed up pretty bad," Lanie informed.

The teenager huffed in frustration. "He's being an ass about this, though. My dad always told me growing up that a simple, heartfelt apology would solve almost anything, but now he's not even willing to listen to her? He's the most stubborn guy I know! Lanie, you have no idea how good she's been for him. I know I was pretty young when they met, but I also know how he was before her. She grounds him, gives him a reason to be serious. Is there anything we can do to help them?"

"She's done a lot of growing herself in the last four years. Your dad helped her rediscover the girl she was before her mom's death," Lanie paused to think a brief minute, "How about you and I work behind the scenes? I'll keep it up with Kate, making sure she doesn't give up on trying making things right with your dad, and you work on softening him up towards her. What do you think?"

"I love it! We can just drop subtle hints, always talk about them, and keep their minds focused on the good things about on the other person and not trying to get over them," Alexis was gleeful at the prospect of helping her father and Kate, "You have my cell phone number from the internship paperwork, right?"

"Yup, and here's mine," the medical examiner agreed, writing hers down on a sticky note, "You're absolutely your father's daughter; you don't take no for an answer either. Let's get these two lovebirds singing the same tune again!"

* * *

Ryan and Esposito were having a hurried conversation in the break room while Beckett was in the morgue before she could get back to the bullpen and get them to work.

"No other way to explain it, man. Whitley worked with Raglan on a few cases, and chased down some of the boys in Lockwood's network too."

"What do you think? We have to tell Castle, don't we?" Ryan whispered.

"Nothing else we can do, man. He's got all the documents from both Kate's and Johanna's cases. Think we can sneak the files of Whitley's connection out of the precinct without Beckett seeing?" Esposito asked.

Seeing Ryan nod, Javier pulled out his cell phone and dialed Castle quickly.

"Hey Castle, we got something for you. I know you're out today, but we just caught a case with a dead cop that looks like it's tied to Beckett's shooting and maybe her mom's case too."

* * *

**A/N 2: Well there's chapter 3. Next up: investigations and confrontations.**

**Hope you liked it! As always, I appreciate any and all reviews. Please let me know what you thought!  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Once again, the comments and alerts for this story are completely overwhelming! Thank you all so very much for the warm welcome to this amazing fandom!**

**Here's chapter 4. We're still dealing with the fallout and beginning to see the details of the case emerge. **

**Does it even need to be said anymore that I don't own the series, characters, or much of anything? **

* * *

M & M Chapter 4

Castle opened his door at an ungodly early hour to see Ryan and Esposito waiting for him with a small stack of files. He nodded and gestured for them to enter.

"Hey guys. Thanks for bringing these over. Were you able to sneak out without Ka – Beckett seeing you?" he asked as he led them into the study.

Esposito took the answer after sharing a sideways glance with Ryan when they both caught the slip, "Yeah, we snuck them out, but we don't have too long to show you these until we have to get back."

Ryan handed the files to Castle as they sat down on the other side of his desk. Not for the first time did Castle bless his speed-reading ability. Within just a few minutes he was able to put every bit of information into the smart board, which immediately drew the indirect links from Whitely to Raglan via investigations into Lockwood and other cases they worked together.

"Son of a bitch," he whispered.

"There it is all right. The bastard was dirty," Ryan agreed.

Esposito remained silent, but the indication that Whitley was a corrupt cop made him grimace. Sworn officers not living up to their oaths was a thought he preferred to avoid contemplating usually, but in this case it was staring him in the face

"Whitley worked with Raglan, and was assigned to go after Lockwood's network at one point. He had plenty of chances to make the arrests, but all his reports were vague as to how Lockwood got away. He had to have been in on it. Whitley had to have been tipping Lockwood off so he could make his escapes. This is a huge problem. Beckett isn't going to give this case up when she learns about the connections," Castle murmured as he rubbed his face in frustration.

The two detectives shook their heads in agreement, knowing how single-minded Beckett got when any new bit of information about her mother's case surfaced.

Esposito broke his silence by turning to Castle with a menacing stare and asking, "I know you're going to say that it's between you and Beckett, but you gotta understand: she's like an older sister to both of us. Not only that, it affects how we handle this case. You want to tell us why you're not speaking to her?"

Castle looked down at his desk, thinking about how to structure his words without giving any of the private, gory details before quietly answering his friend, "It's between us, but I was wrong about her feelings for me and I found out in the worst possible way. I'm going to need a little while to get used to the whole 'just friends' thing, but I'll be back at the precinct and I will help with this case."

Esposito and Ryan looked at each other, a silent conversation taking place between partners used to communicating nonverbally.

"Ok," Ryan agreed, "We'll do our best to run interference and give you time to see what you can come up with here."

* * *

Dark brown liquid swirled into the decorative coffee mug on the breakfast bar as Alexis attempted to cut through the awkward feelings she had toward her father's guest. Her grandmother was still sleeping upstairs after getting in late the night before, so she was alone with Kyra as she poured the older woman a mug of coffee so they could have a chat. They were sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. From here she could easily hear that the laptop in the study was _click-clacking _away as it had been since early this morning as her father pounded the keys on another Nikki Heat scene, most likely a pretty angst-filled scene given his recent tribulations with Nikki's real-life counterpart.

While the presence of a guest for the last couple of days had ensured her dad didn't sink into a decanter of Scotch, she could tell he was suffering. His eyes were the dead giveaway. When he was happy, they turned up at the corners and the twinkle could light up a room. Ever since his fallout with Ka – Detective Beckett, she corrected herself – the corners were firmly turned down and his pupils were listless and dull. It made her heart ache for him, so she resolved to get to know and get along with Kyra as much as she possibly could to make things easier for them both.

"So, Kyra, you knew my dad in college?" she ventured

The brunette smiled softly as she stirred in some sweetener and creamer. "Yeah, I did. We were friends before we started dating. I really fell for him, but my parents weren't happy with us being together. My mother always thought he had no character," at the redhead's flashing eyes and opened mouth, she raised her hand, "I know, I know. She never saw in him what I did. My father was a lot more direct: he just said that a struggling author would never be able to support me. They put a lot of pressure on me to break it off, and in a moment I regretted for a long time, I gave in."

Alexis's eyes softened in sympathy at the pain in the older woman's eyes, dulled by time though it was. "That must have been really hard," she offered softly as she sipped at her own coffee.

"It was. I was too much of a coward to tell him to his face, so I just left him a note and that was that. I was really upset for a long time at how I ended things, but after a while I met Greg, and things got better."

"I remember Dad saying something about working a case involving your wedding. One of your bridesmaids was murdered, right?" Alexis asked as she set the mug down.

"Yeah. That was horrible, but I did get to reconnect with Ri – your dad – again. I would say getting married was the best thing that could happen out of that, but it seems like that's going south at the moment," Kyra cupped her mug with both hands, looking very small as she sat at the breakfast bar.

Alexis took a moment to gather herself for the delicate questions swirling in her brain. Kyra's presence in the house was totally understandable from her father's side; all her life, she'd never known the man to turn away a friend in need. She needed to know why Kyra was even there to begin with.

"Kyra, I wanted to ask you – that is, I was hoping you'd tell me…" she trailed off, unable to find the right words.

Fortunately, Kyra had sensed the girl's awkwardness and could guess the reasons. "You want to know why I'm here instead of at my parent's place, right?" she smiled.

Relieved of the burden of asking the uncomfortable questions, Alexis just nodded and grinned at the other woman's perceptiveness.

"Well, my parents were pretty uncomfortable with the way things happened before the wedding. At one point the police even thought Greg killed her because he was sleeping with her and wanted to keep it a secret. If I went home after this, my mother would be only too happy to remind me of the murder and how she still thinks Greg was sleeping with her. My father would just shake his head and talk about how the son of a bi – gun was never good enough for me anyway, and how this was the best way for things to end. Not to mention, my husband has access to their building. He would know where to find me, and things would get ugly fast. Here, I'm safe. I mean, he thinks I'm cheating on him with your dad – which is totally not true – but he can't get into this building and doesn't even know where it is. Rick has been so incredibly kind…I just feel safe here, you know?"

During Kyra's explanation, Alexis had grown progressively closer until her hand was on Kyra's forearm by the end. "I'm so sorry if I didn't make you feel welcome at first. It was just a surprise, and…"

Kyra took the girl's hand in her own as she interrupted, "Oh, no, Alexis. You were wonderful! This has been exactly what I needed – an escape to a safe refuge. I know it's going to be a mess to deal with, but I was hoping that with a few days it would blow over when my husband got his head out of his butt. I don't know if that's going to happen, though."

"Is that why you're using your maiden name?" Alexis asked tentatively.

"Exactly why. If he's going to divorce me over something that's not even real without listening to me about it, I don't even want to be reminded I'm married to him, you know?" Kyra took a sip of her coffee as she hoped Alexis would understand her meaning. Initially she had been worried that it would look like she was trying to make a play for Rick to his daughter, so she went to a lot of trouble to make the teenager understand that wasn't the case by any means.

Fortunately, Alexis grinned and nodded. "I totally understand. I've had a few messy breakups myself over the last couple years. I can't wait to get out of high school!"

"Oh, high school. I miss those years," Kyra sighed, and both women broke out into chuckles.

With the previous tension dissipated, Kyra looked at Alexis and risked adding some more by venturing a hesitant question, "Um, so, Alexis, I haven't asked yet, but I wanted to know…does me being here make things uncomfortable for you at all, knowing the history I have with your dad?"

To her credit, Alexis didn't look surprised by the question. "It's not really my business."

Kyra wouldn't let her get away with the deflection, though, and put her hand on the girl's to ensure she saw how serious she was. "I'm serious. I know it can't be the best situation for you."

Alexis looked up and saw the trust and concern in the older woman's eyes. "I just don't want my dad to get hurt again."

"Oh, don't worry," Kyra answered with a kind smile, "Even if I wanted to get involved with your dad again – which I don't, I promise – he's not in any position to give his heart to anyone. I don't even know if he has it back from her yet. He's still in love, even if he won't admit it."

Just then, Castle walked out of the study, smelling the coffee and earing he laughter. "Is there any coffee left for me, Pumpkin?"

Alexis saw the stress and weariness written in the new lines around her father's eyes and nose and hurried to pour him a cup as well.

Kyra looked over at Rick, noticed the same distress Alexis did, and in an effort to bring him out of his funk, asked "Morning Rick! Are we still on for dinner tonight?"

"Dinner?" Alexis asked, looking up from the coffee, suddenly interested.

"Yes Kyra, and yes Alexis. Kyra and I are going to one of our old hangouts to try and forget some of the crap we're both dealing with right now. You're going to hang out with Paige for most of the evening, right?" Rick accepted the coffee gratefully and took a test sip.

"That's right. Her boyfriend just dumped her, so it's ice cream, pizza, and Twilight movies all night," his daughter smiled. _Hmm…I wonder if I should mention this to Lanie?_

* * *

Beckett stared at her murderboard, willing the shapes to make sense. She was clutching an empty mug and wishing she could realistically justify another cup of coffee. With a grimace, she admitted to herself the truth was that if she had any more caffeine, she would probably twitch hard enough so that she couldn't write her paperwork legibly.

The unthinkable had happened. Four years ago, Castle had been an irritating inconvenience, a thorn in her side to be tolerated but ignored, with his crazy theories and incessant poking into her personal life. Somehow over the course of their time together, he had become friend, confidant, and trusted partner. She started looking forward to seeing how his unique insights would help them both make the right connections to piece ideas together for the case.

_Enough! _ She shook her head, attempting to clear the cobwebs thinking about Castle the man always seemed to bring recently. The disparate elements on her board in front of her refused to coalesce into a coherent picture without his input. She set her mug down on the desk with an impatient sigh. Castle wasn't going to come riding in on his white horse for this case. In her more self-reproachful moments, she told herself that she had gotten accustomed to Castle doing that once or twice too many times, from breaking down a door and running into her burning apartment to beating the pulp out of a trained assassin to putting up a hundred thousand dollars on the off-chance that it might shake some new information loose about her mother's case.

While her dating history was far from empty, none had affected her like the one man she had never actually dated. The one kiss they shared while under cover affected her more deeply than any other she could remember. She saw him at his worst when he freaked out over his near-perfect daughter and what trouble she might be getting in that his overactive imagination concocted. His best times made her heart race at what her life would be like if she could ever learn to let go of her doubts and worries and love. He was quite possibly the best father she had ever known, and Alexis was living proof.

The feelings she ignored at first, fought later, and denied last refused to be quieted. When he told her that he loved her in the cemetery, she tried with every atom of her being to respond, but the sniper's bullet halted any voluntary muscle movements, so the chance passed. Waking up in the hospital days later to the beep, whiz, and whir of the array of machines dedicated to keeping her alive threw whatever equilibrium she still had into the wind, and the hours upon hours of non-medicated sleep didn't help her get it back. When she was cleared to go home, she did what she always did when confronted with emotional upheaval: she ran. Escaping to the security of a cabin in the woods gave her the chance to re-center herself and find just barely enough self-control and self-assuredness to return to the city and try to take up her old life again. Severing all communications had been a regrettable, but necessary step. Only when she got back to New York and saw the hurt in Castle's eyes at the book signing did she realize the full extent of her absence.

It took weeks for them to regain their flow again, and months before she felt like she was making enough progress to reach out to him, tentatively testing to see if he really meant what he said or if it was merely a lifeline for her to hang onto in her most desperate hour.

Lying to him had been the easier choice at the time, but ultimately it looked like it was going to destroy everything. He was the writer; words always came more easily and eloquently to him, witness his exposition on the proper way to bid farewell at the end of a day. She had no clue what to say in the hospital room, so rather than face what he said and its implications for them both, she took the path of less resistance. The same problem was in front of her now: she needed to come up with an apology that would show him how sincerely she regretted what happened, and how much she wanted to make things right. Hopefully, she would be able to say the same words to him that he said to her. If she couldn't fix it, if he forgave her but refused to trust her again, she would have to accept that as the just punishment for her crime and try to find a way to live with it. Ever since that fateful night when she was 19, her life seemed to be an exercise in living with trauma of one kind or another. This would be the latest version, but potentially the most debilitating.

Her resolve broke, and she reached down for the phone. Hitting speed dial #2 (1 always seemed to be preprogrammed to dial voice mail, an annoying inconvenience) she held her breath, hoping against hope he would answer, that he wasn't lost to her forever. His phone went to voice mail after four rings, and she hung her head.

Forgiveness was going to be a long time coming.

She looked back up at her murderboard, once again willing the shapes and lines to somehow tell her the answer.

* * *

After finally escaping the precinct, Beckett drove to Castle's building before she could talk herself out of it. The entire drive over, she went back and forth in her own mind about what she could say to make things better, and preparing herself for almost anything. Everything from tearfully begging him to forgive her for the lie to angrily asking him when the last time he was shot through the chest by a sniper and given a confession of love as he lay dying and how he handled that particular situation coursed through her mind. When she nodded to the doorman and strode to the elevator, she realized she had no memory of the drive at all, so focused was she on wording her apology.

Heart hammering in her chest, still unsure of what she would say to him, Kate raised her hand and knocked on Castle's door. She heard footsteps, but they sounded much lighter than Castle's own should have. Her suspicions were confirmed when the door opened.

"Hi, Martha. Is Rick home?" she managed to ask without her voice breaking. One thing she hadn't counted on until arriving and remembering that awful night as she rushed over was whether or not Kyra would still be there. A tearful apology and confession of love she could handle if she was alone with Rick, but if Kyra was still rooming at the loft, she didn't think she could go through with it.

"Detective Beckett! So lovely to see you. Please come in," the older woman answered with neither tone nor word giving away anything of her true feelings. Kate was beginning to appreciate where Castle got some of his bullshitting skills. Having a dramatic actress for a mother probably gave him real insight into not only reading people's moods but also the ability to convince anyone of anything. She sighed and followed the older woman's gesture, stepping quickly inside the loft.

After taking Kate's coat and leading her to the couch, Martha took the seat opposite and started in, "No, my son isn't here, Detective. He's out to dinner with Ms. Blaine. It seems they each caught a bout of nostalgia earlier, and now they're trying to recreate some of their old memories from college," Martha finished with a flourish, though Kate caught the tone and connotation of the word 'bout' in the older woman's answer.

Kate's face fell at the way Martha was able to hint that Rick and Kyra were on a date without actually saying so. She rubbed her arms unconsciously, trying to come up with something to say to Castle's mother. "Did he – I mean, how has he been?" she hesitantly queried the older woman.

Martha raised an eyebrow at the detective's uncertainty. She had never seen the woman so flustered, and knowing the root cause, she wasn't willing to let her off the hook. Over the last three years, she would have affirmed any day of the week that the feelings her son had for the attractive detective were reciprocated in full. She wasn't sure if Kate knew that Rick knew about her slip in the interrogation room, but with the right kind of shove, Kate might actually 'woman up' and fight for her son and the relationship they could build. "He hasn't been well. Something happened the other day that really shook him up. I wasn't expecting Kyra to be here, but she's been good for him. She won't let him wallow, and despite her own troubles, they seem to be getting along better now than they have in the past."

That was the last thing Kate wanted to hear. Knowing Kyra was there was bad enough. The woman was married, but seeing her lay a kiss on Castle the other night, knowing their history in college and more recently when they kissed on the roof had her worried. Castle hearing her stupidly blurted confession from the box only exacerbated the problem. "Yeah, I kind of heard something about that," Kate paused, looking up through eyes suddenly misty and watched Martha's face lose some of its hardness and display some compassion, "Martha, I screwed up. This feels so weird to tell you, since you're his mother, but I really did. When I got shot, he told me that he loved me."

She looked down at her hands and felt the drop of a tear on one. When Martha saw that, she reached over and gave the hand a squeeze of encouragement. Kate smiled gratefully at the support. "I didn't react well. On top of Captain Montgomery's murder and me being shot, I broke up with my boyfriend in the hospital, and Castle – Rick telling me that he loved me was just one thing too many on my plate. I ran off to my father's cabin to regroup, and I didn't come back for three months. I knew it would be hard on him, but I had to deal with it on my own before I could put any of it on someone else. I'm sure you know that I disappeared, but you should know why I did that, too."

Martha nodded but lost the smile that had previously softened her features, "Kiddo, you have a lot to learn. When you're in love with someone, you want to take their burdens and help them carry the load. Love means wanting to do whatever you can to help. I did know you were gone for a few months, and Richard probably would have forgiven that, but I think that's not the real cause of all the current trouble, is it?" she prodded gently.

Kate took a deep breath. "No, it's not. When I got back into the city, I lied. I told him I didn't remember anything about my shooting. I still didn't think I was ready to handle that. The department had me see a therapist, but I kept going even when I was approved to go back to my job. Please understand, Martha. I love your son more than I have ever loved anyone else in my life, and I wanted to fix these gaping holes in my emotions. I wanted to be the best version of myself so that I could be the kind of woman he deserves, but doing that might have broken any chance we have. If I've lost his trust forever, I'll just have to live with it, but I need to make it right before he makes any decisions. Is he….are he and Kyra….together?" she finished, dread permeating her tone.

Throughout the speech, Martha kept her silence, drawing on all her years of acting experience to maintain an impassive face. Detective Beckett had never been as emotional in front of her as she was in that moment, but Detective Beckett wasn't here on her couch; this nearly-defeated but still-hopeful woman was all Kate. Seeing the emotion in her eyes, the willingness to do whatever she had to fix a problem of her own creation – though God knew Richard had his own share of blame too – she began to see the woman her son fell in love with. "It's not my place to say one way or another, dear, but I will tell you that you have more reason to hope than you think."

Kate smiled, feeling lighter now than she was when she arrived. After asking about Martha's acting school, then took her leave. She had to regroup, take her new knowledge, and come up with a plan of action.

Unbeknownst to them both, Alexis slipped quietly up the stairs when Kate left, armed with a much deeper knowledge of what happened. Seeing the events from Kate's perspective helped her understand her father more, but also gave her the determination to help the two stubborn fools see what was right in front of them.

Closing her bedroom door as silently as possible, she grabbed her phone to text Lanie.

* * *

The man in the expensive suit watched the writer and the brunette woman having dinner from an unobtrusive corner of the restaurant. They were obviously very close; at several points the woman took the writer's hands in her own and looked to be trying to console him or cheer him up. It was almost too bad, really, that his orders were what they were. In a previous life, he had been a fan of the writer's, and to cause Rick Castle as much pain as he would suffer when his mission was complete would indeed be a tragedy. Still, orders were orders, and his allegiance was clear. Rick Castle wasn't keeping him out of prison and paying him, after all. With that thought, he nodded to the waitress for the dessert menu.

Everything was in place.

* * *

The next morning at the precinct, Alexis checked computer printout after Lanie ran the tests on the tissue samples taken from Detective Whitley's body. She knew the case was a high priority, so as soon as the document finished printing she picked up the pages and not quite ran them over to the Medical Examiner

The medical examiner looked up and thanked her intern before scanning the pages. When she got to the chemicals found around the damaged area, her jaw dropped.

"What the hell is this?"

* * *

**A/N 2: I know, another dialogue-heavy chapter, but we're through most of the character development and now the real meat of the story is going to kick in!  
**

**As always, reviews, comments, and concerns are always appreciated!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you once again to everyone who reviewed, alerted, and favorited this story. The response has been wonderful!  
**

**My apologies for the technical difficulties last weekend when I posted Chapter 4. I guess there was a site-wide issue for posting new chapters that day. Hopefully this one won't have the same problems!**

**I should say a big thank-you to my silent beta, who has reviewed all of these chapters before posting, but wishes to remain anonymous. Without their help, these wouldn't be in the condition they are.**

**As usual, this is all for fun, not profit. The characters all belong to other people than me. I'm just taking them out for a spin. **

* * *

After Alexis went for a cup of coffee, Lanie picked up her phone and texted Kate.

**I got the test results on Whitley's cause of death back. You need to see this.**

When that went through, she went to her desk to start writing up her autopsy summary report. It wasn't long before Kate's heels announced her arrival.

"Hey Lanie, what do you have on the results?" Kate waited expectantly for whatever was important enough for the medical examiner to get her out of a first thing in the morning meeting with Gates.

For her part, Lanie forced herself to close her mouth. Kate's appearance was…nothing like she was used to seeing from her friend. The detective usually took enough time with her appearance that she could walk from the precinct into almost any modeling agency in the city and get a contract. Not so today; the dark circles under both eyes belied any attempt to apply concealer while the basic white turtleneck under a dark charcoal business suit gave her a stark, cold mien that made the normally beautiful and approachable woman seem aloof and frosty.

"Um, yeah…Kate? Are you…" she didn't finish as Kate cut her off.

"I'm fine, Lanie. Late night is all. What do you have on the cause of death?" Kate set her jaw and gave her best friend a determined stare.

Lanie decided that professionalism was the word of the day and reached for the test results before answering, "Well, the preliminary results came back negative for any explosive chemicals or acids. The most common element present was an overabundance of an alkali metal, but they didn't identify it. I ordered more detailed screens to figure out which alkali metal it was, and the lab came back with potassium. There's a thin layer of potassium covering almost all of Detective Whitley's internal organs."

"Potassium isn't an acid, so how could it make his organs disappear?" Kate looked incredulous.

"I know. I can't believe it either," Lanie responded as she handed over the manila envelope for her friend to confirm. She took no offense, after long time working together she knew that the detective almost always preferred to see the data for herself.

Kate scanned the sheets, noting the prevalence of potassium just as Lanie described. "How in the hell could he have been killed by ingesting potassium?" she mused.

"Sorry, Kate. This is all I could get from the results. The tox screen came back clean, as did every other test I ordered. Potassium was the COD, but I can't tell you why."

Grimacing, Kate looked at the medical examiner. "Thanks Lanie. I'll take this upstairs and see what the boys and I can come up with."

* * *

"Hello?" Castle answered his phone cautiously, not recognizing the number that popped up on the screen without any caller ID associated.

"You were warned," a mysterious voice told him, "You could have stopped this. Whatever happens now is on your head, Mr. Castle," then hung up.

He looked at the phone in his hands as it flashed back to the home screen.

_That can't be a good thing._

* * *

Getting back to her desk, she noticed that the Whitley files weren't where she left them the night before. _That's odd, _she thought, _the guys wouldn't just take files from my desk, so what happened?_ Kate spent twenty minutes searching around her desk for the files, but gave up with a frustrated sigh.

_Strange chemical explosions in a body with all test results coming back clean or negative, disappearing files, and Esposito and Ryan acting weird; this is exactly the kind of thing Castle usually wants to be here for_, Kate thought to herself as she sat back, watching the two detectives head off to follow up on Whitley's financials and phone records, _he'd have some crazy-ass theory about some shadowy secret society slipping weaponized potassium into Whitley's coffee because he learned their rituals or something. I need to go talk to him. I need him here. _She grimaced at the thought, but admitted its truth, needing Castle for far more than just theory-building on the mysterious murder of a brother detective.

Beckett looked at her phone while she wondered if it would even be worth calling him again. He hadn't answered any of her other calls, so maybe she needed to try the direct approach again. Seeing him in person would force him to listen to her, so maybe going to the loft would help resolve the tension following her disastrous confession. Already she missed looking over at the chair next to her desk and seeing his twinkling blue eyes as he handed her another cup of life-giving coffee or brought her lunch, determined to win her affection with sustenance that she usually ignored.

With a groan, she put her phone in her purse and slowly headed to the elevators. She had to get her partner back, whatever it took. If she had to beg his forgiveness and acknowledge that she had wasted her last chance at happiness with the only man who ever seriously made her think whether he was really her one-and-done, she would take it to get her partner and friend back by her side. Before she could talk herself out of it, Kate pressed the button for the parking garage and began her descent.

She walked through the darkened garage toward her department issue cruiser, unable to shake a feeling of unease about the day, but she chalked it up to the disarray her personal life found itself in after the bombing case. She slowly pulled out of the garage and headed toward Castle's loft.

At the first intersection, her eyes went wide as the brakes failed, and her foot went straight to the floor without the car slowing at all.

She never saw the gigantic black SUV that T-boned her.

* * *

One moment, Kate Beckett was driving to Castle's loft, intending on doing anything necessary to get her partner and friend back. The next, the world was spinning violently after a sickening metal crunch. When the airbags deployed, her lights went out, so she was not conscious for the resulting injuries.

The impact - just to the rear of her front passenger door, spun her around eight times and flung her own door open. By the time her upper body lolled to the side, hanging at an unnatural angle held in place only by her seat belt, she was feeling no pain.

A few people were alert enough to notice the SUV back up and gun its engine to drive away from the scene. One even pulled out his phone to call 911.

"911 dispatch, what is the nature of your emergency?" The dispatcher asked in a studiously professional voice as she hoped that this wasn't another teenage prank call.

The disembodied male voice came through with more than the usual hints of hysteria. "I need to report a car accident! There's a big car, it looks like a police car that was nailed by a huge SUV that just drove off! The passenger side is all crumpled in like a can of soda. It happened right outside the police station, so I think it's a cop or something! The driver is a woman, and you have to send some help right now! She's not moving!"

"Can you see which police station it is? That will help me send the ambulance to the accident."

Heavy breathing as the caller ran somewhere. "The sign says 12th precinct. You've gotta hurry with the ambulance! She really isn't moving."

"Ok. The ambulance is on its way to the 12th precinct, and there should be a ton of officers outside soon, so I'm going to need you to be ready to give a statement, ok?"

"Yeah, yeah that's fine. Should I be doing anything to help her?"

"Squat down. Do you see or smell any gas leaking under her car?"

A moment of rustling. "No, it's a greenish liquid, not clear like gas."

"Then don't do anything. She isn't in any danger of explosions or fire just yet, and the ambulance should be there soon."

They both heard the siren at the same time.

"That's the ambulance!"

The caller hung up as the paramedics started to do their job.

* * *

"Castle." He answered as he and Kyra returned from an early lunch. Three chapters of the last Nikki Heat book he was under contract for were on their way to Gina, so they felt the need to celebrate.

Kyra looked on in concern as his face paled.

"Ok, I understand. I'll be right there," He turned apologetically to Kyra, "Kate's been in a car accident, and she's on her way to surgery right now. I have to go to the hospital," the urgency of his tone picking up as he explained.

She nodded. "Go take care of her, Rick. She needs you," and gave him a hug and goodbye kiss on the right cheek before hailing a taxi to head back to the loft.

* * *

Castle rushed into the emergency department, looking frantically for the reception desk.

"Hi, I'm Rick Castle. I was called in for Detective Kate Beckett after her accident. Where is she?" he rushed out in one breath as he leaned over the computer screen.

The nurse looked over the monitor at him, somehow managing to make the look down her nose at the same time, "The police officer was only brought in a few minutes ago, sir. She'll still be in with the doctors. I need you to take a seat with this clipboard to fill out some forms for her insurance," and handed him the previously-mentioned clipboard with a thick stack of paperwork.

Thus denied, Castle had no other choice but to sit down and help Kate by making sure the hospital bureaucrats had their forms to file. His adrenaline didn't fade as quickly, as he was forced to hold the clipboard in one hand because his right knee was bouncing uncontrollably. With each new form, he wondered what he was doing there. Usually, the hospital paperwork was filled out by the patient themselves or the next-of-kin, so his presence working on Kate's documentation was mystifying.

As he worked, his guilt grew. Kate Beckett didn't get into random accidents. The anonymous call he received started tendrils of fear through his system, and when he got the word that Kate was in a car accident, he just knew. Somehow this was connected to his quiet poking and prodding into Johanna's murder and Kate's shooting. He thought he'd kept that hidden so well, too.

_I'm so sorry, Kate. This is my fault. Even if you don't love me and lied to me about hearing me, you didn't deserve this. _He saw her face after the shooting. Expending all possible effort just to stay alive, looking to hold on to something, anything, just for the hope that this wouldn't be the place she died; that she wouldn't die yet. The phone call told him that every pain she suffered in the wreck was his fault.

When the paperwork was sufficiently completed, he ran up to the desk and almost threw it to the nurse, then looked for the largest crowd of uniforms he could find. Seeing a cluster of five or six police officers crowded around an older man in a lab coat, he ran over.

"…luckily for her," Castle heard as he got to the group.

"Hi, I'm Rick Castle. I was called in for Detective Kate Beckett," he said, hoping someone in this group could tell him something.

The doctor looked at him in no small amount of surprise. "The Richard Castle? You're Detective Beckett's emergency contact?"

"I…guess?" he answered with a questioning inflection at the doctor's comment. Kate had never mentioning

"That's who she had listed on her forms," the doctor said after consulting his own clipboard, "Anyway, as I was just telling the officers here, she's very lucky. Whoever hit her came from the passenger side, so when the airbags deployed, she was largely spared any physical damage."

Castle blew out a relieved breath, willing the suddenly spinning room to go back to its normal state. "She's ok?" he was able to get out.

The doctor looked around at the crowd of officers before instructing, "Will you officers please excuse us? You can get Mr. Castle's statement after I update him on Detective Beckett's condition," after the uniforms dispersed to get coffee or radio back to the precinct, the doctor returned his attention to Castle and answered, "I didn't say she was fine; I said she was largely spared. The detective is still unconscious after what looks like a mild-to-middle range concussion. We did a quick examination and found a possibly fractured tibia, a sprained wrist, and a few decent bruises that will take a while to really heal," the doctor outlined.

"But she's ok?" Castle persisted.

"We're running tests on her right now. X-ray for the bones and CT scans for the concussion and checking her internal organs for damage, just so we know what we're dealing with, but everything we've seen from her so far indicates that she'll survive without life-threatening or even really serious injuries. She got incredibly lucky today," the doctor finally answered.

He rubbed his face in relief. Kate had cheated death again. _How many more of her nine lives does she have left? _he wondered to himself as he looked around the emergency department. He texted Esposito and Ryan, letting them know that Kate would be ok. When the precinct called them to let them know about Kate, they in turn had called Castle, but since he was already at the hospital, they settled for hearing the details from him. Now at least he could tell them she wasn't seriously hurt.

Rick settled in to wait, but his attention wasn't on his Angry Birds game, and his scores reflected it. Two more hours passed with the game and periodic text messages from the group wondering how Kate was doing before the doctor came back to the waiting room. "Beckett?" he called.

Several of the impartial observers around the waiting room snickered at the speed with which Castle shot to his feet and almost shouted, "Here! Right here!"

"She can have a visitor now," was all the man said as he held the door for Rick to head back.

* * *

Kate slowly floated back to consciousness.

The first thing she felt was pain. Her ribs protested as she tried to move, so she gave up the futile effort and rested back against the bed – _I'm in a bed? What the hell happened? – _to take stock of what else was wrong. She tried opening her eyes, but the lights shot sparks of agony through her skull, so she quickly squeezed them shut again, grateful for the brief respite.

Her lower right leg felt like it was on fire, but it responded to her commands, so at the very least it probably wasn't broken. Her head was the worst of all. There was a pounding ache on the left side above her ear that was worse than almost any headache she'd ever had. When she closed her eyes, she saw fractured cobwebs that refused to go away, the pain was so intense, but it was better than her aborted attempt to open them.

She tried sitting up again, only to feel warmth encasing her right hand that prevented her from moving anywhere. The warmth squeezed, and she forced herself to open her eyes and see what or who was holding her hand down. Fortunately, looking away from the lights immediately above her bed allowed her to manage the pain gradually.

_Castle. Why do we always seem to end up in hospital rooms? At least if one of us got hurt, I'm glad it's me. Seeing you in a bed like this might be too much for me to handle, especially after Doctor Burke's sessions. _She'd forgotten listing him as her emergency contact, but seeing him brought the memory back and she smiled to herself. _Maybe something good will come out of this. I was on my way to see him, now he's coming to see me. At least we'll get the chance to talk about something now._

Her movement roused him almost immediately. "Huh, wha?" he tried to ask as he shook the fog of a light, short nap from his head, "Kate? You're awake?"

With a wan smile, she returned his hand squeeze, forcing him to look her in the eyes. She saw concern and worry, but not the intensity she was used to. It wasn't Rick the man here with her then; it was Castle the author and shadow. Beckett sighed internally. A whole lot of groveling lay ahead of her if they were ever going to get back to what they could have had. "Hi, Castle. How are you doing?"

Hearing her ask about him while she lay in yet another hospital bed made him blow out a harsh laugh. "How am I? I wasn't the one who was T-boned by a monstrous SUV earlier. How are _you _doing? Do you need anything?"

She squeezed his hand again. "I have everything I need right here. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about making you my emergency contact. Did they get you from anything? I know it's been a couple days since we've seen each other, so I wasn't sure…" Kate trailed off, unsure exactly how to finish the thought but leaving it open to interpretation. It was an old interrogation trick: give someone a choice of answers and they'll unconsciously fill in their own gaps.

Touched by her concern, he started to wave it off, "I was just out for lunch with…Alexis," he finished lamely, unwilling to expose the identity of his guest and lead to a deeper Beckett interrogation. She'd given up her right to know that side of his personal life when she lied to him. Taking care of her in the hospital was the act of a friend, even if in his case it was partially motivated by the guilt of pursuing the case behind her back, keeping secrets, and possibly being the reason she was there in the first place. _Hopefully we can salvage at least that much out of the mess we've made._

She picked up on his lie immediately, but her interrogation was interrupted by the arrival of a doctor.

"Good afternoon, Detective Beckett," the same older man Castle had met in the waiting room greeted, "I'm glad to see you're awake. You had a really nasty accident. How are you feeling?"

"My head is the worst. This headache is worse than when I was shot last summer," she answered, "but my ribs hurt a bit and my right leg feels like it's on fire when it moves," with each new statement she gestured to the body part in question.

"Well that's to be expected. You were T-boned, but your guardian angel was working overtime, it seems. Whoever nailed you hit your passenger side, so you were spared any life-threatening injuries. The concussion could be nasty, and I'll be requiring you to have someone stay with you to wake you up every couple of hours for fifteen minutes."

Kate and Rick looked at each other, the implications of the instructions hitting each differently. Castle knew staying at his loft was out of the question with Kyra there too. Beckett herself knew that the guest room was currently occupied, so she would have rather walked naked into the precinct than add one more person to that living situation.

Luckily, the doctor continued with his rundown, oblivious to the subtext. "Your ribs were bruised a little, but they avoided any breaks or fractures. The leg itself is fine; you escaped with nothing more than a sprained knee and ankle. I'd recommend staying off it for a few days."

For his part, Castle sat through the recitation of Kate's latest round of injuries with a growing sense of guilt. The call he received earlier in the day ate at him anew as he heard each of Kate's injuries. At the time he learned about Mr. Smith and Montgomery's insurance file, protecting by keeping her in the dark was a no-brainer, but now he wasn't so sure. Walking away from her meant breaking his heart, but he never intended for her to get her body this broken. She was vulnerable again, in the hospital and needing help until she healed, but the hurt was too recent, too fresh, and too painful for him to risk getting destroyed again.

Kate looked at him, for once unable to read what was going on in his mind. She hadn't seen him since the bombing case, and it appeared that the distance gave him the ability to hide his feelings from her. That realization twisted her stomach painfully, in a way that none of the painkillers currently coursing through her veins could assuage. If she could ever get him to listen to her, his new ability to put a mask over his feelings would have her at a significant disadvantage. Talking to him seemed an almost insurmountable problem by itself, because not only had he stopped coming into the precinct, as long as he had Kyra Blaine-Murphy living at his loft, she wasn't going to be able to muster enough courage and dignity to make herself go to his apartment and talk.

With a start, she realized the doctor had stopped talking and was waiting for her to acknowledge his recommendations. "Oh, sorry. I drifted off a bit there. Yeah, I understand. I'll find someone who will be able to make sure I don't sleep too long."

Rick looked unsure for a moment, waiting for her to say his name, but when she didn't he sighed.

The doctor looked at them both, sensing a subtext he was missing but unwilling to press for details. "That's all we need to go over for now, Detective. The nurses will go over specific recovery protocols with you, and then you should be good to go."

* * *

The precinct had not been idle in the wake of Beckett's accident. Despite not being a part of traffic crimes, the homicide division took point on the investigation, especially since Esposito and Ryan suspected the accident was no accident, likely having ties to two ongoing murder investigations. No other cop in the precinct would dare take the case away from them anyway. With the accident happening just before lunch, an already long day turned into a very late night for the two remaining members of Beckett's team.

Gates called the two into her office around 7 to see what updates they had found during the course of the investigation.

"We came up empty on the traffic cams around the accident, Sir," Ryan started as he handed over a thick folder, "The SUV that nailed her had an obscuring plastic cover over its license plates, so none of the cameras around were able to get a good shot of it. The windows were tinted pretty dark, so no one was able to see the driver either."

Gates took the file folder of the printouts and looked for herself before grunting in disappointment.

Esposito took over. "About an hour ago, someone walking their dog saw an SUV with a damaged front end and called their local police office. The uniforms who showed up called in CSU, who were able to match the impact to Beckett's wreck. Unfortunately for us," he continued as he handed over a one-page report, "the VIN number was reported stolen an hour before the accident, and the interior wiped clean and whatever DNA might have been left behind was obliterated with ammonia. The car's a dead end."

Gates tossed the reports down on her desk and sat down behind it with a disgusted sigh. "So we have nothing?" she questioned.

The two detectives nodded wordlessly, unwilling to disclose the information related to the conspiracy behind not only Beckett's shooting but also the murders of Captain Montgomery and Johanna Beckett as well to anyone but Castle himself.

Since she closed the door after the two detectives left, neither Ryan nor Esposito noticed her pick up her phone and make a call.

* * *

Several hours after being taken to the emergency room, Kate was allowed to leave, grateful and nervous at the same time that she would spend time with Castle in a closed space. It would be just the two of them without any interruptions, finally giving her the chance to start making things right. The entire way down from her temporary room, he had stayed on her right side, dropping behind the nurse wheeling her out only when the doors or hallways precluded walking next to her. The gesture gave Kate hope that all was not lost, despite what she saw the night the bombing case wrapped up.

When she wasn't marveling at how he still stood by her side after the way she'd broken them, she was revisiting the things she kept meaning to say to him, first when she drove over and ended up talking with Martha and then that very day before her accident. The spark usually found in his eyes wasn't there, but the smiles he kept giving her whenever the doctors and nurses told them something hopeful bolstered her desires to put it back herself.

His car service was waiting for them at the hospital's main entrance with a thankfully lower than normal limo. The nurse who wheeled her out stood aside while Castle took her right elbow and wrapped his left arm around her waist, giving her the support she needed to ease into the passenger side of the Lincoln. She eased back into the car, marveling at how he must have requested the softest, most plush interior the service had available.

Castle's mind was feverishly working on the way out of the hospital as well. He would never turn Kate away in her condition, but having Kyra at his house would make things incredibly awkward. _Or maybe not,_ he reasoned, _it's not as if Kate actually has any feelings for me. Maybe I should invite her to stay. I told Mother that I should be able to work by her side and not have any real feelings, so I can still be her friend, keep my promises, and take care of her. _The unkind part of his psyche that had been so dominant in recent days chose that moment to flash back to her interrogation of Bobby. _I remember every second. _He sighed. _Maybe I'm a fool, but I can't kick her out with these injuries. She'd probably be most comfortable at the loft._

He jumped slightly when he realized that his train of thought took the entire walk out to the car to pull into that particular station. When the nurse stood aside, he rushed around to open the door, then grab Kate's elbow and support her around the waist to help her ease in. He heard her sigh of relief when she felt the interior's cushioning. _Good. They listened when I said I would be transporting a wounded NYPD detective. _

Kate didn't need to look over at the rear driver's side door to know when Castle opened it and got into his own seat. The car pulled out when his seat belt clicked into place, and she took a deep breath. _Here goes nothing. Time to apologize and beg him to understand your fear, Katie, _she thought. Even after well over a decade, she still heard her inner conscience talk with her mother's voice. She took a deep breath and prepared to dive in with the words he tried to use to start a conversation before they'd gone off to take down Bobby. _At least I know now why he said it wasn't important after that. _

"Castle, this is really nice of you to do, but you didn't have to go to this much trouble," she started.

He looked over at her out of the corner of his eye. "It's no trouble, Kate. You can always count on me when you need a friend." _Please don't make a big deal out of this. I don't have enough strength to keep you out right now, not after hearing you in the box._

_When you need a friend,_ Beckett replayed in her mind _but what if I want more than a friend? How can I convince you of that, Rick?_ "Where have you been the last few days, anyway? You kind of disappeared after the plaza bombing, and I haven't seen much of you since then," _start obliquely, go at the problem from an angle he won't be expecting, and maybe I can slip inside his own defenses, _she thought, inwardly grimacing at the hurt caused by the idea of Castle having defenses against her that she now had to try to get inside.

She watched out of partially-closed eyes as he rubbed the back of his head, still without looking over at her. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I've had a lot of meetings with Gina and the other empty suits at Black Pawn, and with the case being over…" he ended lamely, willing her to not push him. _I can't do this anymore. I would have given you everything, and I'm not sure I didn't give you my heart. I need it back if I'm ever going to come to peace with just being your friend._

_That's a lie, Castle, and we both know it. You just don't know that I know it too. I'm so sorry, but it's time to start making it right and fixing us. _Kate screwed up her courage to lay her heart on the line for him to either take or break. She wasn't sure if the pounding in her ears was from the headache, the medications, or the thudding of her heart as she got ready to confess her lie and pray that he would forgive her.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about something…" she started, but trailed off, looking over at him and noticing a reddish smudge on his right cheek. She remembered the entire time in the hospital room and then down out the door she'd only seen his left profile, as he'd stayed on her right. Now the sides were flipped and she saw a mark. Unsure why her heart started hammering in her chest and a heavy ball of dread settled into her stomach, she looked closer before continuing her question.

_Lipstick. He had her lipstick on his face the whole time he was in my hospital room. _Her mind showed her a memory of Kyra kissing Rick in his loft before conjuring up all kinds of gut-wrenching ways she could have left that mark on his cheek. She remembered the wedding case when she learned about their history and how well-suited they really were and saw the grainy surveillance shots of them kissing on his roof. In that moment when her heart sank, Kate Beckett realized that Kyra Blaine-Murphy was a much bigger threat to her hopes of winning Castle back than a random fling with a blonde flight attendant.

He looked over, from her tone unclear about the turmoil swirling inside his friend and partner, but seeing the troubling emotions in her eyes he realized that she was starting an important conversation. "Yeah, Kate? What do you need?"

Faced with risking herself again with someone who looked more and more like he was getting over her, Kate retreated into familiar patterns and ran from the open emotion of the question she had been about to ask. "Can you drop me off at Lanie's? I don't want to burden you with taking care of me again, and since she's a doctor…" she didn't finish the thought, praying that he wouldn't press the issue.

Castle noticed the sudden change of emotion, but ascribed the difference to the lingering aftereffects of her pain medication. He fought a sudden surge of disappointment, feeling that was another moment they'd let slip past them, but let her take the lead in whatever new form their relationship was going to take and nodded in response before instructing the driver to head to a new address.

* * *

**A/N 2: Well, there's Chapter 5. Please let me know what you think! **

**I've noticed over the last couple chapters that views have gone through the roof, but the reviews for each one have gotten fewer and fewer. I'm not sure if there's a connection, or if it means something in the story is off, but since this is my first Castle story, if I'm not hitting the right tone, please let me know! I want to make sure I'm getting everything down as accurately as possible. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: ****The reviews for this story have been so incredible and heartwarming. Thank you so very much to everyone who took the time to let me know what you thought! **

**As usual, I don't own any of the characters, settings, or plot. Just taking them out for a spin. You'll recognize the dialogue from _Always_ here in this chapter. It fit too perfectly to leave it out. **

**Thanks of course to my silent beta. Without their help, this wouldn't be anywhere near readable. **

* * *

Chapter 6

* * *

In a dark office, a man in a darker suit clicked off of a call on his cell phone. He exhaled deeply, thinking about the various courses of action available to him. After a pause, he brought up the contacts folder on his phone and looked for one labeled 'CM'.

Two rings later and the man on the other end answered, "Maddox. Do the fine people of New York require my services so soon, Your Honor?"

"I told you never to use anything that could identify me in any way on the phone," the man in the suit growled, "but yes. I have three jobs for you, as a matter of fact."

"You know it will be triple my normal rate," Maddox said without a trace of smugness. He knew when he had the tiger by the balls, and was willing to allow this particular tiger to save some face.

"Double. One of the jobs is finishing up the one you messed up at Montgomery's funeral," Maddox snarled at the insult, but it was at the memory of that particular failure, not his caller, "As for the other two, I'll send you the information. All you need to know now is that one is another detective, and one is in the apartment of the man who foiled the Beckett job."

Each man hung up, not completely satisfied with the state of affairs, but seeing the possibilities for the future.

* * *

"Katherine Houghton Beckett!"

"Lipstick! He had _lipstick_ on his face, Lanie! What was I supposed to do? Kiss it off of him and leave my own mark?" Beckett would have been pacing around the medical examiner's living room if her right leg allowed the movement, but since she was currently occupying the couch, she settled for waving her hands in the air for emphasis.

"If that's what it would have taken to get his attention, yes! Katherine Beckett, you are the most infuriating best friend I've ever had," Lanie shook her head. Getting Kate to fight for love was enough of a full-time job that she was considering sending her friend a bill for the counseling time, especially since this particular session took place literally on her couch.

Kate just sighed. "I couldn't have done that, and you know it. Things are just too delicate right now. I need him to forgive me before I can make any kind of a move in that direction, you know?"

"What I know is that my friend is too chicken-shit to fight for her rightful man!" Lanie declared. Kate's prevarication had gotten very old, and she was increasingly frustrated with how much her friend fought to stay behind her self-imposed walls, "Do you honestly think he would sleep with a married woman?"

"N – no, I don't," Kate admitted quietly, knowing the truth as she spoke it.

"So you're better off with Kyra there than some random bimbo, aren't you?" Lanie persisted, knowing she had to open Kate's heart to the truth little by little.

"Probably," she finally allowed.

"Probably! Probably, she says," Lanie grumbled as she fell back in her chair, "This is a man who walked through a burning apartment for you, held you in his arms to protect your life in a freezer, and still walked away gracefully when you were with someone else, right? What more does he have to do to prove himself?"

"Yeah, he walked away gracefully all the way to the Hamptons with his ex-wife, in case you forgot that part," Kate muttered, unwilling to assume all of the blame for her predicament.

Lanie conceded the point with a nod. "He did that too, but you've said before it wasn't entirely his fault, and no ex-wives are in the picture right now, are they?"

Beckett looked askance at her friend. "Did he hire you to give this speech? You're cheerleading for Team Castle so hard you might as well have a miniskirt and pom-poms."

A microsecond later, Kate realized that was the wrong thing to say to her friend, as the medical examiner drew herself up and said in a steely-firm tone that crackled with frost, "The only team I'm on, my friend, is the one that ends up with you happier than you've ever been in your life. Since that team just happens to be Rick Castle's, then yes, I'm on that team _pro bono_."

Beckett had the grace to look ashamed. "I'm sorry, Lanie, you're right. You've done nothing but try to help me with this, and I shouldn't have said that. I know I could be really happy with him."

"Then do you want to explain to me why you're stretched out on my couch instead of in what must be the most comfortable bed on God's earth in the arms of the man you love?"

_Wow, Lanie's not holding back today, _Kate thought. "Because if he's really over me, or if he's trying to, and I put myself out there only to get shot down, I don't think I'd survive it, Lanie. I've been dumped before, but never by someone I felt this strongly for. I really messed this up, and I've only got one shot to fix it. I can't screw it up again."

"But you're going to at least try, right?" Lanie looked across the coffee table for assurance that her friend wasn't giving up anymore.

"I promise, Lanie. I'm tired of running. I'm going to fight, but I have to choose the ground. If I look too desperate, it will never work."

Lanie sat back, satisfied. When Kate's eyes finally closed and her breathing evened out, she quickly sent a text to Alexis, telling her what happened and preparing her for the coming confrontation.

* * *

"Look, all I know is that Mr. Smith calls me. I don't have any way to contact him, sir!" Castle told the phone, just as frustrated at his caller as Beckett was with Lanie, but for entirely different reasons. Just after returning to his loft from dropping Kate off, his cell phone rang with a call from someone he really wasn't up to dealing with at that particular moment, but it had to be done.

"No, she's ok. She's with Lanie right now. The doctor said just a few days off her feet and the sprains should be fine….yeah, she got very lucky to get away without any lasting injuries... I asked her to stay with me, and she was about to say something, but then she changed her mind and said to take her to Lanie's apartment…Yes, I know how much trouble this has caused, but I can't do anything about it right now!" he shouted as he paced through his study.

"I know how much trouble this is causing but believe me, I just need a little bit longer so I can put the pieces together and figure out who the Dragon is."

"It's not time yet!"

* * *

_One week later_

A week of not seeing him. A week of not talking to him. A week of mentally preparing herself, and she finally felt like she was ready. Lanie's ever-present assurances that Castle wasn't the kind of guy to steal another man's wife – especially since he hadn't even tried to go after Kate herself when she was with Demming – helped her finally steel herself enough. One workday to get through, and then she was headed over to Castle's loft fully prepared for an emotional conversation that would involve tears, pleas for forgiveness, and explanations. She just hoped he was ready to listen.

Kate walked into the precinct at 7:31 AM, glad that the limp that had plagued her in the first few days since her return disappeared the day before, leaving her fully physically capable again. Her continued attendance at sessions with Dr. Burke took care of any requisite psych exam, so she didn't even consider that on her list of things to get done.

The first thing she always did when entering her team's area of the bullpen was to check her desk on the way to the break room for her first caffeine boost of the day. Seeing the size of the pile of whatever had rolled downhill from the Captain's office since she was there last gave her an idea of what awaited her. Today there was no pile, just a bouquet of something she couldn't discern from this distance. Seeing the gift put a soft smile on her face. Kate knew she was valued around the precinct, but such a visible token reaffirmed her worth.

Upon closer examination, the purple glass vase held a very unusual bouquet. From a distance, it looked like a bunch of peonies, but when she got to her desk, Kate noticed one white carnation, one red tulip, and one Star of Bethlehem. Whomever had these delivered for her had gone to a lot of trouble to get a very specific message down; one of the things her mother taught her when she was a teenager was that there was always a meaning to flowers. Red roses meant romantic love, of course, but different colors and different blooms were for different messages. The bouquet as a whole could have been a coincidence, but when she finally found the card, she knew it wasn't. _Castle._ The card itself was somewhat banal with a generic get well soon message, but it was his cryptic handwritten note that got her furiously thinking.

_KB, _

_I hope you have everything you need to feel better._

_RC_

"He hopes I have everything I need?" she muttered.

Nothing Castle did was ever on a whim. _At least, nothing he does as far as I'm concerned is a coincidence. Whatever he does has a clear purpose and reason._ Her mother taught her well, but the specific meanings behind the flowers Castle chose was too obscure for 7:30 AM before the first coffee of the day. Google would have to save the day here. Kate situated her keyboard and mouse and after clicking to the search engine, typed in 'meanings of flowers'. Thirty seconds later, her head was in her hands as a fresh wave of guilt-ridden nausea coursed through her. She had her answer: peonies represented health, so they were the get well soon portion of Castle's message, while the carnation stood for remembrance; the red tulip signified a declaration of love; and the Star of Bethlehem meant hope. Only Castle would tell her that he knew she lied about hearing his declaration of love hidden in the guise of a get well soon bouquet of flowers after a car accident. Only Castle would be that subtle. Only Rick would include the final note of hope.

Passing by Esposito's and Ryan's desks, she noticed the Whitley files for the first time. Her two detectives usually arrived half an hour later than she did, and she purposefully kept the date of her return secret so they would make less of a big deal about it. The same case files that she couldn't find before her accident – despite her being the lead detective – were laying around for anyone to see. Swirling a glance around the bullpen, Kate saw she was alone. She grabbed the files and headed into the break room so that if the boys came in, they wouldn't see her reading them over. As soon as she got settled, the ridiculousness of the situation hit her. She was the lead detective on the case, yet she was sneaking around, worried that her own team would see her reading the files. Kate shook her head with a snort as she started to read.

Several pages into the file, her hands started shaking. Whitley was tied to the ever-expanding web that was her mother's case and her own shooting. The connection wasn't explicit, but over a decade of investigating the conspiracy behind the events had disabused her of any belief in coincidences. _No matter how much I hope or try, this case will never leave me alone,_ she thought as the magnitude of the events hit her. It wouldn't be a far stretch of her imagination to believe that her recent car accident was tied to the Whitley investigation, and thus, to her shooting and the other murders as well. Her shaking hands only got worse until she dropped the files altogether.

A quick glance at her watch told her the boys were due to arrive for the day at any moment. Kate dropped to the floor and threw the papers back into the folders and walked as quick as possible to Esposito's desk, depositing the folder and dashing back to the break room for the forgotten cup of coffee just as she heard the boys approaching. Ryan was quiet, but Javier was saying something that didn't seem directed at his partner. "Yeah, we have the files here still. Don't worry, Castle. Beckett hasn't been back yet…no, we got this here. You just stay around the loft and work the murderboard."

_CASTLE! They've been working with Castle on this case while I've been spinning my wheels and getting T-boned in the street?! _She fumed. That was the cherry on top of her decision. She was headed over to Castle's as soon as she could gracefully leave the precinct.

When they entered the break room and saw her, Esposito practically threw his phone into his pocket after cancelling the call. "Morning, Beckett! Didn't expect to see you in today. How's the leg?"

A raised eyebrow was his only response, but he wasn't budging. Seeing that neither of her official teammates would give anything up, she relented with a sigh and spun a tale that would get her plausibly out of the precinct. "I was just on my way to the doctor's for a final check and stopped in to see how big the paperwork pile on my desk was. Thanks for keeping it clean, guys."

The two partners looked askance at each other as Kate pushed through them and walked out of the precinct without looking back, conscious that any sign of weakness or indecision would drive suspicion in their minds and get them to warn Castle before she could arrive.

* * *

Half an hour later, she knocked on Castle's door balancing a tray of coffee and a bag of bear claws. For four years he had taken it upon himself to make sure she was eating breakfast and drinking premium coffee. It was a caring gesture repeated every single day as a subtle way to show his devotion, and over time it had become their thing. Her days always seemed to go worse when she didn't get her "Castle coffee". The first step she had to take to start to win him back was to reciprocate bringing him their daily shared meal.

After a few seconds, the door opened, and Kate's heart started racing, but it fell off just as quickly when she saw Alexis inside. Determined not to repeat her frightened mouse retreat to the elevators from a few weeks before, she took a deep breath and smiled. "Hi, Alexis. Is Rick here?"

She waited as the teenager set her jaw and looked coldly determined for the briefest of instants before she noticed the tray of coffee and paper bag.

The ice broke and Alexis smiled warmly as she stepped aside and gestured for Kate to enter. "He's still asleep, but it's way past when he should be up. I'll go get him. Oh, and don't worry about waking anyone else up. Grams is on a theater tour." She deliberately left out their guest, figuring that if Kate was determined to make things right, running into a former flame of her dad's would stand a chance of spurring the detective on.

Kate assured the girl that she would, and set the food on the breakfast bar as Alexis went to her father's bedroom. She saw two mugs of steaming coffee on the counter and guessed that Little Castle must have been having coffee with Kyra. Not much had changed around the loft, and while she preferred to wait for Castle in the living room or dining area, the chance of running into the user of the second mug was too great, so Kate found herself wandering into Castle's study. The first thing that caught her eye was the endless staircase image he kept behind his desk. Every time she'd been in the loft, it always managed to call her attention. She traced her fingertips reverently over the desk where her favorite author wrote his best novels. For a fleeting instant she had the urge to lean over and softly kiss the wood, but then it was gone.

She noticed the smart board next. He had been like a kid with a new toy – more so – when he got it. He made a point of extolling its virtues and features, but she had a hard time letting go of the trusty whiteboard that served so well over her years as a detective. Kate noticed the status light in one corner was amber. _It's still on. Whatever he was working on last should still be active. Maybe if I test this system out I can see for myself why he's so nuts over it…_

* * *

Alexis let herself in with a soft tap on her father's door. He stirred, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Kate". With the way Detective Beckett had showed up with breakfast – on a work day no less – and the way her dad's subconscious belied his real feelings, it looked like this might be the morning they start to get on the same page.

She walked over carefully and gently shook her dad's shoulder. "Dad? Dad, you need to wake up."

He stirred more before finally blinking his eyes and yawning. "Alexis? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Dad. It's just getting late. I have to get going and you have a visitor."

"I do? Who's here so early in the morning?" he asked as he tried to shake the sleep from his brain.

"Detective Beckett, actually. She brought coffee and breakfast," Alexis answered.

"Beckett's here?" Rick felt a strange surge of hope. S_he brought coffee? She's making the first step? Maybe we haven't lost our way that badly at all. _

"Yeah, that's what I just said," she grinned, "Wow, you really do need that coffee."

He stretched a little bit. "Oh boy that felt good. Did Kate say why she was here?"

"Nope, just showed up with coffee and what looked like a bag of pastries," she said, moving to head out of his room.

"Is she waiting down in the dining room or the kitchen or something then?" he said as he put his feet on the floor.

"I guess. She didn't say anything about where she would be," Alexis replied.

Just as Alexis finished answering, a shriek echoed throughout the loft.

_**"RICHARD CASTLE! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"**_

Alexis turned back to her father, dismay written all over her previously smiling face. "Oh no, Dad! What did you do?"

He put his face in his hands and tried to speak through them. "Crap. I know where she is."

Alexis ducked her head and tried to give one last piece of advice. "Sounds like you'd better hold onto that thought about needing forgiveness, Dad," she whispered as she ducked out of his room.

* * *

Kate blinked through the wave of anguish causing the odd stinging sensation behind her eyelids as she took in the details on Castle's smart board. He never mentioned this Mr. Smith, or how he fit into the whole thing. The notation under his name was bad enough: 'Keep her off the investigation'. Her blood boiled. The partner she'd spent the past year trying to make herself a better person for, so she could be whole enough for him, had not only kept details about her shooting and her mother's case from her, he'd actively encouraged her to walk away from the case as well. _Deep breaths, Kate. See what he has to say for himself first. Then shoot him._

He hadn't even bothered to think about what he was wearing, Kate thought as she took in the state of his pajamas. Still, that notion was a fleeting aside, and she focused all her attention on his eyes. With an accusing finger pointed squarely at the smart board, she growled out one word. "Explain."

One look at the strange mix of anger, betrayal, and pain shooting at him from her eyes broke any pretenses he had about spinning a story. He took a deep breath and started his own confession. "Before Montgomery went into that hangar, he sent a package to someone, someone, he trusted. It contained information damaging to the person behind all this. Montgomery was trying to protect you, but the package didn't arrive until after you'd been shot. Montgomery's friend struck a deal with them. If they left you alone, the package and the information inside would never see the light of day, but they made one condition: you had to back off. That's the reason you're alive, Kate, because you stopped."

The incredulity on her face only grew during his speech, and she refused to sit still. Fidgeting with her fingers, walking back and forth in front of his board, she couldn't remain calm while her world crashed down around her for the second time in a year, only now she felt like she was losing much more than a mentor. "How do you know this?"

His eyes told her how much anguish these events had caused him. "In order for the deal to work, someone had to make sure you weren't pursuing it."

_Time to know the truth. Despite what I've seen and heard, there still has to be a way out. Please, please don't give me an affirmative answer here, Castle. Don't do this to me, don't do this to us._ She took a deep breath and voiced her deepest fear. "Are you a part of this?"

He knew this was the moment. When Alexis told him that Kate was there with breakfast, his heart didn't feel the dread, the need to escape and keep itself whole. For the first time since watching her browbeat Bobby in the box, he finally felt ready to hear her side of the events and see if there was a way they both could survive. This wasn't in his plans, and he felt the tremendous weight of dread settle in his stomach. This would break her. His only hope was the strength of their relationship built over the past year since her shooting. "I was just trying to keep you safe."

"By lying to me about the most important thing in my life?" _Oh Castle. I can't believe you did this. I thought I broke us, but you shattered us._

"That lie was the only thing that was protecting you." He put as much sincerity in his expression as he possibly could, willing her to see the position he was in. When he got the information, she lay in a hospital bed, the array of machines and tubes being the only things keeping her alive after the sniper's bullet. Getting knowledge of information that could keep her alive and safe after those events made his choice – fraught with peril that currently was blowing up in front of him – easy at the time.

_Focus on the case, Kate. Get as much detail out of him as you can before this gets too emotional. _ "Castle I didn't need protection, I needed a lead, and you sat on it for a _year_. Now who is this person? How do I find him?"

Thrown by her sudden shift from Kate to Detective Beckett, he could do nothing but stammer out an answer. "He's a- a voice on the phone; he's a shadow in a parking garage."

Kate stared at him, disbelief growing with every new revelation. "You met with him? How do you know that he's not behind my mom's murder? How do you know that he's not involved, and how the hell could you do this?"

_Time to play an ace, Ricky old boy. _"Because I love you. But you already know that, don't you? You've known for about a year."

"Are you kidding me? You're actually bringing this up now, after you told me that you just betrayed me?" _He really did it. He really tried to guilt me into this. Oh Castle. Is this how far we've fallen in four years? Maybe you had the right idea and it's time to move on._ Kate's emotions swirled in a confusing mess, with anger, self-doubt, and betrayal the most prominent.

"Kate, listen to me…" His eyes pleaded with her even more than his voice, begging her to see how he wasn't patronizing her, that he really wanted to keep her safe.

"Listen to you? Why should I listen to you? How am I even supposed to trust anything that you say?" Anger won over. Anger was easier. Anger she could deal with. Any other emotion would involve admitting her own mistakes, and seeing the lengths Castle was willing to go to keep her in the dark about the single biggest event in her life drove her anger at the man she once admitted loving.

"How are you – Because of everything that we've been through together! Four years I've been right here! Four years just waiting for you to just open your eyes to see that I'm right here, and I am more than a partner! Every morning I bring you a cup of coffee just so I can see a smile on your face because I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I have ever met. And I love you Kate, and if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all, just don't do this!" _The last try. If this doesn't move her, nothing will. It was easier to forgive her for lying about remembering what I said than I expected. All she had to do was make the first step. This – this is much worse._

Kate blinked a few times at his onslaught of emotion. It almost broke her and won her over, but just as she was wavering, she looked around the room – anything to get her gaze away from those endless pools of baby blue – and saw the murderboard again. Seeing the evidence of his deceit staring her in the face hardened her heart again. "If I care about you, Castle? You cut a deal for my life like I was some kind of a child. My life. _Mine!_ You don't get to decide."

It was done. He'd played his best cards and came up empty. All he could do now was appeal to her sensed of self-preservation. "You keep going like this, they're going to decide. They're going to come for you, Kate."

"Let them come. They sent Coonan, and he is dead. They sent Lockwood, and he is dead, and I am still here, Castle, and I am ready." She leaned back against his desk, marshaling her strength and staring him down.

_Don't do this, Kate. Don't run right at them. Don't get yourself killed. _"Ready for what? To die for your cause? This isn't a murder investigation anymore Kate. They turned it into a war." Castle was calling on every rhetorical device and turn of phrase that a lifetime as the son of a dramatic actress and a professional writer had given him.

"If they want a war, then I will bring them a war. Straight to their doorsteps," she folded her arms across her chest and set her jaw, the picture of steadfast determination. _I used to think he understood how serious this was for me, but I guess not. Maybe he really was doing all those sweet things – the scholarship, paying a hundred thousand dollars to see if he could smoke out Coonan – to get into my pants. _

_I got nothing else. I can't turn her away from this. She's going to die, and it might kill more than one other person if it happens. _"Well I guess there's just nothing I can say, is there? Ok, um, yeah, you're right Kate, it's your life. You can throw it away if you want, but I'm not going to stick around and watch, so this is over. I'm done."

_So this is what it feels like to lose hope. He just doesn't understand that I have to do this. I swore to my mom I would find out who killed her. _Kate stared disbelievingly at him for a beat before turning around wordlessly and emailing herself the file from the murderboard. As soon as her phone chimed the email's arrival, she swiped her finger to the recycle bin, deleting it from Castle's board. With a steadfast death glare fixing him in place, she silently walked past him out of the study before grabbing her coffee from the tray and slamming the front door behind her on her way out.

* * *

Castle usually wasn't a crier. Alexis was the only woman who could get him to tear up regularly. Thus the single tear track down his stoic face belied his emotion as Alexis and Kyra – having heard the emotional tone of the conversation if not the actual words – joined him at the breakfast bar. Alexis wrapped him in a hug while Kyra gave a sad smile.

After a few minutes of supportive silence, Alexis quietly reminded her father of her obligations for the internship. "I'm sorry Dad, but I have to get going. Dr. Parrish is going to be expecting me."

"Go ahead, sweetheart. Have a good day, and if you run into Kate, don't let what happened this morning affect your reactions. She's still one of the best detectives the NYPD has."

"Rick, are you going to be ok today?" Kyra asked after Alexis closed the door behind her. "I have to get to my lawyer's. He has the divorce papers."

Castle looked at her, grateful for the diversion from his own misery. "You're really going to sign them?"

The sad smile remained. "I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of dragging me through court. I have enough money on my own, so I won't contest it."

Reaching out for her hand to give a reassuring squeeze. Castle looked at his watch. "Want to meet for lunch?"

Kyra nodded with a bigger smile. "Chinese ok?"

"Perfect," Castle agreed, "I'll head to the park so I don't wallow around here. Call me when you're done with the sharks."

* * *

After Detective Beckett stormed out of the loft, Maddox trained his scope on the remaining occupants. His tactical radio crackled in his ear. "Well? Will you be able to snatch the girl?"

He growled. "I told you already. I'm not kidnapping the girl. If I did, the kind of hell that would rain down on me would just make it easier for me to give up the information on who ordered me to take her, and you don't want that, do you?"

"Fine. Take the other one."

"Affirmative."

An hour later, when Kyra left the loft, she wasn't expecting the rough shove that sent her into the waiting door of the black SUV that drove off immediately afterward.

* * *

"Where's Castle?" Esposito wondered when Kate stomped back into the bullpen, her face a thunderstorm of anger. Usually when she looked that mad, he and Ryan stayed out of her way, but since they both knew where Kate had gone, he figured it was best to get everything out into the open so the three remaining team members could deal with the situation.

"He's off the team. His choice. Thanks for keeping me in the dark and him in the loop, guys. When were you planning on interviewing Whitley's last partner? Think maybe he might have a clue what was going on?" her biting tone had Ryan and Esposito grimacing, but she offered no apologies.

Ryan got the file off his desk and flipped through to find the details. "Pamela Brown, 35, partnered with our boy Whitley for almost four years now. No new partner yet, so they have her on desk duty."

Kate gave a quick nod. "Good. Find her. Tell her we walk to talk about her former partner."

During the interview, Brown repeatedly declared she knew nothing about Whitley's prior activities with Raglan, investigations into Lockwood's network, or anything he'd done before they were partnered. Esposito and Ryan tried every tactic they knew to get her to accidentally let something slip, but she deftly avoided all their traps. Brown was even good enough to make it look as if she wasn't trying to avoid anything, but years of interrogations showed Beckett, who stayed largely silent, that she was most definitely evading key specifics.

When Brown left, Kate closed the door behind her. "She's hiding something."

Esposito grunted his acknowledgment. "Yeah, She was definitely skirting around some things."

"Put a watch on her apartment?" Ryan asked.

Kate nodded. "Exactly."

* * *

**A/N 2: Please don't hate me! This is the low point of the story, I promise! Things start gradually getting better from here on ou****t. There's just too much bad history, poor decisions, and general fear to overcome by waving a magic wand. **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello again all! Real life intruded in a big way this week, but I was able to get this chapter done at the eleventh hour - literally! **

**Thank you to everyone who has left reviews, alerted, or added this story to your favorites. Your support means the world! I know Chapter 6 was a tough one, but it was the low point, and this chapter starts the climb back toward the happy ending. Yay! :)  
**

**As usual, I don't own any of this, just playing in the sandbox. **

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

MM Chapter 7

* * *

_0730 the next day._

Kate got a few odd looks as she walked through the precinct lobby, but attributed it to the scowl she knew was on her face. When she got to the elevator and saw her reflection in the polished steel of the inside of the doors, however, she saw the reason for the glances: she looked like a steaming pile of death. Dark circles under her eyes told everyone how little sleep she had the night before, and the rat's nest on her head told everyone who saw her how little she cared about it that morning.

Once she had a coffee made from the needlessly complex espresso machine Castle had thoughtfully helped her master after her shooting, Kate sat down at her desk to start piecing the new information together. She opened up the chart she'd emailed herself from Castle's murderboard. The information wasn't as much as she would have hoped. A 'Mr. Smith' and a few sentences about cryptic things he'd mentioned to Castle were the only new bits to add to her own mental murderboard.

She was making notations of the information from the emailed file when a shadow fell across her left side. "You got rid of my chair pretty fast, Detective," a familiar voice accused.

Looking up, she saw haunted blue eyes. "You said you were done. I didn't think I had any reason to keep it there." Closer inspection showed her circles under his eyes dark enough to match her own and more worry lines than she remembered. His hair was combed, but not nearly styled to the degree he normally preferred. While she had seen him dressed casually in the past, he always took care to look professional at the precinct. Not so that morning; he was wearing jeans and a dark button-down.

_Is he here to apologize? I can't believe he would think this was the appropriate place for that. If he's not here to say he's sorry, why is he here at the precinct far earlier than he has almost ever been in before?_

Castle started down at the turmoil in her eyes betraying the determined set of her jaw. "Fine."

The detective and the writer looked at each other for a beat before Beckett broke the silence. "What are you doing here, Castle? I thought you were done."

Castle sighed. _Fighting with her isn't going to get Kyra back safely any sooner. _"Kyra Blaine-Murphy has been staying with me for a couple weeks while her husband started divorce proceedings. Yesterday she was kidnapped right after leaving my building, and the ransom message just came through."

_That explains how…disheveled he looks. He was probably up the whole night worried about her. _Kate rolled her eyes to hide her concern at his pain. "So you want the New York Police Department's Homicide division to get your married girlfriend back? Missing Persons is downstairs and at the other end of the building. You should have more than enough money for the ransom. Just write another bestseller about someone else's life." It took almost everything she had not to clap her hands over her mouth at the pettiness and sarcasm she heard in her own voice. Losing someone you cared about, even temporarily, never deserved that kind of a response, no matter how she felt about the person standing in front of her. Still, she held her ground._ Maybe if I ignore him, he'll let me be miserable alone. _

She made to turn back to her desk, but Castle was too fast, grabbing the arm of her chair and turning her around before she made it fully back.

"Are you seriously blowing me off, _Detective_ Beckett?" he growled, scorn and derision emphasizing her title, "She was kidnapped because of the same gigantic mess that made you walk away from me last night. They don't want money; they want the files Mr. Smith has, or Kyra will die."

She stared at him with wavering resolve before the memory of the betrayal she felt upon seeing the evidence of his lies firmly hardened her heart, "You are a private citizen now, Mister Castle. By your own choice, your access to these resources has been cut off. Missing Persons will help you with her kidnapping," and finally turning back to her desk.

Castle saw red. He grabbed Kate under the arm and unceremoniously dragged her to the fortunately unoccupied break room, slamming the door behind them.

* * *

Captain Victoria Gates emerged from her office, drawn by the sound of two people shouting at each other and slamming things on hard surfaces. She eyed the break room through the blinds as Katherine Beckett, often called one of the NYPD's finest and most dedicated detectives; and Richard Castle, a celebrated novelist with almost three dozen best sellers, screamed at each other like schoolchildren. Beckett's face was red as she vented her anger, and a vein in Castle's neck throbbed at a dangerously fast pace.

She noticed Esposito and Ryan among the crowd watching the verbal altercation from their desks in the homicide bullpen and made her way over to the partners. "Do either of you know what that's about?" she asked, gesturing to the fracas in the break room, cringing when a tray of ceramic coffee cups shattered against the floor.

"No, sir," Ryan answered while Esposito shook his head.

"So if I ordered you to go in and break that up, is there any chance you'd actually do it?" she asked.

Esposito folded his arms behind his back before answering, "You know my training, sir?"

Gates nodded, waiting for him to continue, barely flinching as a glass coffee pot shattered against the window.

"I've stared death down dozens of times in situations that would make most men wet their pants, but there is no way I am going in there and getting between those two."

Just as Gates was about to officially order her subordinates to break up the fight, Castle and Beckett stormed out on their own. The detective was livid as she turned back to her erstwhile partner. "Fine. I will help you get your girlfriend back, but after this, we are done. Do you hear me, Castle? _We are finished. _Is your writer's vocabulary enough to understand that concept?" she sneered bitterly.

"Help me find Kyra, and I will never bother you again, Detective Beckett. Trust me when I say that after the last few weeks, I won't want to," Castle's growl could be felt, rather than heard, so tightly was he channeling his anger at her intransigence into the force of his own voice.

With a heavy sigh, Gates looked at Esposito and Ryan again, taking in their matching expressions of dismay and apprehension. "You two know it's going to be up to you to keep them functioning as a partnership long enough to do…whatever the hell it is they're talking about, right?"

"Yes, sir," the two junior detectives replied with weary nods.

She gave them a look before nodding and addressing the quarreling pair. "Beckett, Castle: my office, immediately."

They tried to get out of it, offering a myriad of excuses in low voices at the same time, but she stood unmoved. "I do apologize. Did 'my office, immediately' sound like a request?"

"No, sir," Beckett replied, covering a lower mumble of Castle's.

Standing aside to allow the two feuding partners to enter her office, Gates closed the door behind them all. She moved behind her desk, but stood just as they stood, facing each other across the furniture. "Now, would either of you like to explain why you were just screaming at each other like children in the break room of a New York City police station?"

Silence greeted her opening salvo.

"Detective Beckett? Mister Castle? That wasn't rhetorical," she growled.

Beckett was the first to speak. "Castle has a…friend," she almost spat the word, "who has been kidnapped. He came in to see if we could help him find her."

Gates stared. "I see. That certainly seems to be an acceptable reason to shout at each other and break quite a lot of ceramic and glass in the break room," her tone dripped sarcasm.

"No, sir, you're right," Castle admitted, deciding to take the high road if it would get them out of Gates' office and back onto finding Kyra faster, "We've been going through a bit of a disagreement in our personal lives that spilled over. For my part, I'm sorry it happened here."

His ready acceptance of fault shamed Kate into a similar apology. "I'm sorry too, Captain. It won't happen again."

Gates kept her arms crossed, but her expression softened minutely. "See that it doesn't. You two have the best closure rate of any partnership in this precinct, and it's among the highest in the city. This woman's safety depends on you to work together. Mister Castle, don't make any hasty decisions regarding your status here. I wasn't eager for it initially, but I've seen how well this team functions and it would be a shame to break it up."

"I'm not sure how things will play out, Captain Gates, but after Kyra's safely back, we'll see where we stand," he replied.

Kate looked at him with a curious expression. There were undertones to Castle's words she wasn't fully understanding; something more was at play here than just Castle's status at the 12th.

With a short nod of her head, Gates dismissed them both. Kate was out the door first, but before Castle could leave, she called out, "Oh and Castle?"

He turned back, a question written on his face.

She gave him a level stare that brooked no disagreement. "Once your friend is back, it's time."

* * *

The reassembled four team members clustered around the murderboard. It would have felt like any other case if it wasn't for the nearly visible tension between the senior detective and the writer.

Castle brought in the recording of Kyra's ransom message. Whoever had kidnapped her sent a USB drive with one video file. They hooked it up to Beckett's computer and crowded around.

She was duct-taped to a metal folding chair with a blindfold over her eyes and that day's copy of the New York Times sitting on her lap as a makeshift timestamp. "Rick? Rick, if you see this, please do what they want! I don't know what's going on, but they said they'll kill me if you don't get them some files a Mr. Smith has by Friday at noon."

Ryan grabbed the drive. "I'll see if there's anything about this that can be traced," he said before heading over to his own desk.

Kate turned to Castle as the video cut out, noticing his shallow, quick breathing and white knuckles on the arms of his chair. "Was there anything else that came with the drive?" she asked gently. Bitchiness while his…friend?...girlfriend?...was in danger would be over the top, even if he deserved it.

He frowned, reaching into his pockets for a slip of paper. "Yeah, this has an address where I'm supposed to take the files."

Kate looked at the paper before plugging the address into a mapping program. "It's an abandoned building on the Lower East Side," she noted.

Esposito wrote down the name and address. "I'll start working on the name and building, see if I can come up with something."

Temporarily with nothing to do, Kate looked at the man she once considered a closer friend than even Lanie, and saw the pain in his eyes. His anguish drove her natural urge to take away as much pain as she could, so she reached over and put her hand on his to reassure him. "Hey, Castle, it's going to be ok, I promise. There are three days left. We're going to help you get her back." The relief in his expression as he looked up to her made her own heart sink, though she hid it valiantly. _Maybe he really doesn't want to wait for me anymore. Maybe I did blow my chances. Maybe this is it. _

Castle was about to reply to the resignation he saw in her eyes when Ryan came running up. "Guys, you need to see this."

When they followed him over, they saw he had several windows open on his screen. "The IP address of the computer that recorded that file came from a building in Midtown …" he trailed off as Castle interrupted.

"So Kyra's being held in Midtown? Where? Do you know what building?" he asked in a rush.

"No, and yes," Ryan replied, "She's not necessarily at this building. All I was able to figure out was that the computer that put the video file onto the drive was in Midtown. The video itself could have been shot anywhere in the city, but that's not the most interesting part…" He was interrupted again when a uniform came hurrying up.

"Detective Beckett?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yes?" she asked, looking up from the screen.

"I'm really sorry, but Detective Brown's gone. She slipped our surveillance sometime last night."

Beckett nodded without an expression on her face, sending the uniform on his way. Safely out of earshot, she slammed her palm down on the desk. "Dammit!"

Rick looked up for the first time. "Who's Detective Brown?"

"Whitley's partner. We interviewed her, but something was off, so I ordered a watch on her apartment," Beckett answered as one hand combed through her hair while the other rested on her hip.

"Fat lot of good that did," Castle grumbled petulantly.

Kate was about to take his head off when Ryan cut in, averting the disaster, "Uh guys, I wasn't even to the best part about the video file yet."

It worked. Castle and Beckett turned their attention from their mutual anger to Ryan, waiting to see what he found.

"You see the address of the building where the video was transferred?" he gestured to the screen. They both nodded. "Anything about that address seem familiar to you, Beckett?"

She looked harder at it before shaking her head. "Something, but I can't place it. Why?"

Ryan brought up another window. "Detective Brown's apartment is in the same building."

Beckett and Castle stared at each other. "It can't be a coincidence," Castle said.

Kate nodded before turning back to Ryan. "I'll get what we need settled here. You go suit up," she looked at Castle as they headed back to her desk, "You stay here, Castle. This is way too dangerous."

"More dangerous than a dirty bomb, tiger, or bank robbery? Nice try, _Detective_, but I'm going," he rumbled defiantly.

* * *

Down in the preparation room, Castle and Beckett got into their tactical equipment silently, each embroiled with thoughts of the familiarity juxtaposed with the tension between them. Rick was remembering her tenderness when she tried to reassure him that they would find Kyra and puzzling over the reasons behind it.

Kate was wrestling with her own dueling emotions. Castle was so dedicated to getting Kyra back that the insecure, self-loathing part of her psyche wondered if he really was sleeping with her. The larger part of herself fought back, remembering everything he'd done to show her how important she was to him. Words like _'Always' _and _'Extraordinary' _repeated themselves over and over in her mind.

* * *

With Ryan driving the heavy SUV and Rick and Kate in the back, the easiest way to resolve their internal emotional crises on the ride to the suspect building turned out to be taking them out on each other. Kate kept finding ways to point out to Castle that he wasn't qualified to go on an assault, vest or no. Rick constantly snarked at her in return, suggesting she was only going on the rescue mission because of its wider implications. After that comment, Ryan gave them a glare through the rearview mirror which silenced the bickering.

When they arrived at the building, Castle followed Kate and Ryan up the flights of stairs to the fourth floor, noting how precisely they covered each other and every landing. When they arrived at the right door, Ryan took his position to one side and let Beckett take the lead.

"Castle, stay behind me and Ryan. We don't know what's going to be in there. Let the pros handle this," she urged before turning to kick the door in.

"Like hell," he growled, "It's my fault she's in there in the first place. I'm going in first," and he reached for the doorknob, wrenching it open and stepping inside.

Beckett's frantic shout of "No!" was almost in time.

* * *

The second Castle opened the unlocked door, there was a blinding blast of light and an ear-splitting roar as a flash grenade went off. He screamed and clapped his hands over his face as the glare seared his eyes. Kate's training kicked in and she reacted purely on instinct. Without scanning the room, she dove in and threw her body across Castle's. As the ringing from the blast faded, she registered Ryan rushing into the room, followed by his shouts of 'Clear!' and 'Room secure!' as he went through each room in the apartment.

She rolled off of her moaning partner and grabbed his shoulders, easing him into a seated position before wrapping her arms around his upper body and burying his face into her neck. "Shhh, Castle. Come on, try to calm down. I know it hurts, but it will go away. Just relax. Shhh," she soothed, rubbing circles on his back and cooing more nonsense syllables.

Slowly, Castle started breathing more evenly and shaking his head free of the cobwebs. When he was able to open his eyes without pain shooting through his head, he blinked a few times and looked around. The first thing he saw was the concern etched across Kate's face. Her eyes were shining as they peered at him, searching to see just how extensive the damage was. Almost involuntarily, she brought her hand up and started caressing his face. The move broke through the icy shield he'd formed around his heart in the wake of hearing her confession in the interrogation room, and he found himself leaning into the touch. "Kate," he whispered.

"How are you? Do you have any pain? Any ringing in your ears?" she asked, trying to catalog any possible injuries.

"I'm fine now," Castle replied with a small grin as he reached up for her hand.

"Good," she answered before taking the hand that had been caressing his face and smacking the back of his head, "What were you thinking going through the door first?"

"Ouch! Holy crap, Beckett! Was that really necessary?" he whined, rubbing the back of his suddenly aching head.

"Trust me, it was. What if there was someone with a gun back there, or even a real grenade? What do you think that would do to m – your family? You want Alexis to have to live without her father?" she started off intending to be mildly scolding, but the implications of his action sunk in, and her emotions started running away with her mouth.

Rick, catching the near-slip, looked at her again and saw something more than anger behind her gaze. She was genuinely worried, and he really had freaked her out by barging into the apartment first. He opened his mouth to start to apologize when the moment was rudely broken.

"Hey Beckett," Ryan called, "you'll want to see this!"

Kate looked at Rick. "Are you ok to come with me?" she asked more gently than a few moments previous.

He nodded after a beat, confident that he could at least get up and follow her. She extended her hand and helped him to his feet. Rick needed a minute to clear the remaining fog from his brain, but after a minute, they followed their teammate into a bedroom. A laptop precariously balanced on a fragile wooden chair was playing a video clip on a continuous loop, showing Kyra blindfolded, gagged, and duct-taped to a chair with that day's issue of the New York Times balanced on her lap.

A voice from off-screen started taunting them, "Oh no, Detective Beckett and Mr. Castle, you really didn't think it would be that easy, did you? You have forty-eight hours to get me the files, or your pretty little friend here will find out exactly how twisted my imagination can get."

Kyra started sobbing through the gag. The camera was just good enough to show tear tracks down her cheeks below the blindfold.

"Shit," Kate breathed.

Castle said nothing, but his posture radiated impotent, guilty rage. They were no closer to finding Kyra, and he continued to blame himself that she was taken.

* * *

On the way back to the precinct, Kate took the wheel from Ryan and called Esposito, putting him on speaker when he answered. "It was a setup. Nothing was there except a laptop with a video clip. Javier, we have got to find Pamela Brown. What have you been able to dig up so far?"

"Roger that, boss. I went through all her financials and her official records as quietly as I could. You're never going to believe what I found."

Kate growled as she shifted lanes and put her lights on, to get around traffic and back to the precinct faster. "Don't really have time for guessing games, Esposito. Talk to me."

His voice came back through the phone much more seriously. "Right. Brown was her married name. Husband was killed in a robbery gone wrong about six years ago. They never found the guy. Her maiden name was Pamela McCallister."

"You've got to be kidding me," Castle marveled aloud.

"Wish I was, Castle. She was his niece."

"Son of a bitch!" Kate shouted as she pounded the steering wheel.

They drove back to the precinct in silence, each preoccupied with their own thoughts on the case. Ryan started worrying how often they were pursuing this case without going through official channels. The more they went off the reservation, the higher the probability something would go very wrong. _If something happens to me, what would Jenny do?_

Kate focused on the road, trying to ignore the swirling emotions threatening to choke her off completely. _Every time I make headway on this case, something comes up to smack me back down. Am I ever going to be free of it? _

For his part, Castle realized Gates was right. It was time to put all his cards on the table. _I have to tell them all. I just hope they don't hate me too much when all is said and done._

* * *

Esposito, Ryan, and Castle were seated at a table in one of the precinct's conference rooms with the door carefully closed, lest prying eyes and ears get an idea of what they were talking about. Beckett stood at the whiteboard, creating a makeshift version of her own venerable murderboard.

"Ok, so the techs were able to comb through the cameras in Brown's building and pulled this shot," she used a magnet clip to stick a grainy image of a man entering the missing detective's apartment, "of a man going into her residence. What else do we have?"

Ryan took over, giving his seat to Kate and standing in front of the room. "External traffic cameras were able to follow the same man to this car parked out front," he copied Beckett's previous action, sticking an image of a grey sedan to the board, "which we traced to a rental agency. They were able to give us this ID: Cole Maddox. It's probably a fake, but the image matches the shot from the building's hallway."

Esposito followed Ryan to the board, allowing his partner to sit at the table again. "I was able to link Maddox to Brown and Whitley through various wire transfers into her account over the past few months. Bank records as well as the rental agency confirm he's living at this apartment," he used four small magnets to stick up a zoomed in shot of a five-block radius around one structure, along with a detailed blueprint of the apartment building itself, "where he's been living for six months, with another six left on his lease."

"He's living here full time, cleaning up the loose ends," Beckett breathed.

Esposito nodded. "If he was ordered to clean up Whitley and Brown, there's a decent chance he's the same guy who put a bullet in your heart."

Everyone took a moment to breathe and let the implications of that thought sink in.

"Shit," Kate whispered. The mere thought of getting so close to a key part of the puzzle of her mother's case and her own shooting was sending waves of adrenaline through her system.

Ryan and Esposito immediately started planning how to attack the building, noting possible exits, distances to neighboring buildings, and roof access.

Beckett sat back, allowing her boys to plan and only speaking to correct something that she wanted attacked in a different way. Between the three of them, they were able to cover every entrance of the building, but its dimensions precluded any of them supporting any other. Once the doors were breached, they were on their own.

Castle watched helplessly as they planned a full assault on an entire apartment building with just four people. After they sat back and looked at the board, he took a minute to try and throw some metaphorical cold water on the group, "Wait a minute. This guy – if he really is the same one – disappeared into thin air after he shot Kate. Now, we have a target, yes, but the four of us – three of us, really since I'll have to follow Beckett – are going to be spread really thin. Shouldn't we get backup of some kind?"

Kate looked at him with a mixture of dismay and determination. When she spoke, her voice sounded patronizing, even to her. "Castle, this whole thing got started because of a couple of corrupt cops. What's to say there aren't any more of them out there? We have to do this with just the four of us, because these are the only people we can trust." The other two nodded in support.

Taken aback at how she spoke, Castle opened and closed his mouth once before setting his jaw. "There's where you're wrong." As they looked at him, a mixture of stunned expressions prominent on their faces, he took his phone out and tapped a few icons on the screen under the table.

They were still looking at him like he was crazy when there was a soft knock at the door ten seconds later.

* * *

**A/N 2: Yes, it's another cliffhanger :) Please let me know what you thought! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I know I start every chapter this way, but I really want to thank each and every single person who has taken the time to leave a review, alert, or favorite this little story of mine. It means the world that I've been able to find such a wonderful audience in a new fandom. **

**Big-time thanks as always to my silent beta for giving me the sanity check I needed to make this ready for your viewing.**

**The reference to 'demented ninja attack ferrets' is a nod to muppet47's truly hilarious "The Waiting Game", which I would advise any Castle fan to read. **

**Some suspension of disbelief will help with this chapter, but I'll discuss that more specifically at the end.**

**As usual, I make nothing off of this - all characters and settings are owned by other more successful people than me. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

M & M Chapter 8

* * *

_Previously on Miscommunications and Misunderstandings: _

_Kate looked at him with a mixture of dismay and determination. When she spoke, her voice sounded patronizing, even to her. "Castle, this whole thing got started because of a couple of corrupt cops. What's to say there aren't any more of them out there? We have to do this with just the four of us, because these are the only people we can trust." The other two nodded in support._

_Taken aback at how she spoke, Castle opened and closed his mouth once before setting his jaw. "There's where you're wrong." As they looked at him, a mixture of stunned expressions prominent on their faces, he took his phone out and tapped a few icons on the screen under the table._

_They were still looking at him like he was crazy when there was a soft knock at the door ten seconds later._

* * *

When she was still a uniform early in her career, Kate Beckett saw a lot of things that left her shaking her head in disbelief. The police report of her particular favorite author 'borrowing' a horse and riding it through Central Park nude; various and sundry homeless people – with enough alcohol on their breath to knock over the fully-grown police horse – telling her that various and sundry shadowy organizations were stealing their thoughts; and even tales from her own department about demented ninja attack ferrets were all part and parcel of being a uniformed police officer in New York City all made their way through the department grapevine.

None of those jaw-dropping moments left her quite as speechless as did the sight of Captain Victoria 'Iron' Gates walking into their supposedly secret operational planning session after Castle made his declaration. As one, the three professional detectives turned to face their civilian consultant, jaws collectively scraping the floor.

* * *

Oblivious to the drama unfolding upstairs, Lanie and Alexis were taking another crack at figuring out Detective Whitley's cause of death.

The medical examiner had been going over the toxicology and chemical screens again, along with every other report written about Detective Whitley. For the first time, her intern was available to look over the documents to see if there was something she'd missed. Previously, Alexis had been tied up in administrative duties or assigned to other projects, but now she was free, and Lanie needed another set of eyes.

The teenager pored over the documents with a single-minded focus the older woman had rarely seen even from adults. While Alexis studied the reports, Lanie busied herself with a medical text, searching once more for a possible way an excess of potassium could have killed someone. The usually quiet morgue was dead silent as intern and medical examiner tried to find the answer.

"Did you see anything yet, Alexis?" Lanie asked absently. When she heard no answer, she turned and saw how intensely the teenager was examining the reports. With a smile, she walked over and gently shook her shoulder. "Alexis?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Dr. Parrish," Alexis apologized as she started out of her reverie, "I guess I got a little too engrossed in the information."

"No problem. Did you find anything?" Lanie asked, looking over the girl's shoulder at reports she'd already examined too many times to remember.

"Maybe," Alexis started hesitantly, "the only real anomaly was the level of potassium, and his organs were almost vaporized like he swallowed a grenade or something, right?"

"That's right," the medical examiner nodded, "Does that mean anything to you?"

"It almost seems like…no, you won't even take me seriously," Alexis tried to drop the subject and go back to the reports.

"Oh no, Alexis, if you have something that might explain what happened to the man, I need to hear about it. We haven't been able to figure anything, no matter how many different tests we've run," Lanie pressed for whatever occurred to the girl.

Alexis heaved a sigh, and turned to fully face her supervisor. "It's just that I remembered something from chemistry class last year. Alkali metals, like potassium and sodium, react violently in the presence of specific other elements. Sodium reacts with chlorine to make salt, but the chemical reaction looks like an explosion. That's the one we tested, but it was with really, really small blocks of sodium so it just flashed a little. The teacher showed us a clip on YouTube of some scientists dropping a huge chunk of potassium in water, or something, and it exploded like a grenade," as she finished the explanation, Alexis turned to the closest computer and brought up the video clip.

Lanie's eyes got wide as she saw the reaction. Before the clip was even finished, she had her cell phone out and was calling Beckett.

* * *

Ignoring the obvious questions his partners were not asking him very loudly, Castle turned to the new arrival. "Captain Gates, we have a delicate question related to the Whitley case that needs your expertise."

Fully expecting the Captain to throw Castle out on his ear for the impertinence of summoning her to a meeting, Beckett, Esposito, and Ryan only had their shock deepen when she actually smiled at him. "It's about damn time, Richard Castle. I hate dirty cops in my precinct. What do you need my help with?"

Castle returned the smile, albeit grimly. "We know where the sniper who almost killed Kate is staying. He's the same one who kidnapped my friend, and I think the odds are decent he's behind Whitley's murder and the disappearance of Detective Brown. It looks more and more like he's the Dragon's clean-up man."

"I see," Gates said, but left the ending hanging for Castle to continue.

"We know that Whitley was dirty, and it looks like Brown was too: they're both tied to this Cole Maddox through financial transactions, and Esposito found out that Brown was related to McAllister, one of the original three cops that started the whole mess. We've had experiences with officers involved in this conspiracy before, and with your background in IA, I was hoping you could quietly identify enough clean cops to fill out a tactical assault squad to take the bastard down," he finished in a rush.

"Let me get this straight, Rick," she responded, crossing her arms as behind Castle, the room's other three occupants felt their eyes go even wider at the familiarity, "you want me to authorize a power takedown of a conspiracy that has continued for well over a decade now? With a target that has sources inside this building?"

"That's not necessary, sir," Beckett jumped in as soon as she felt able to speak through her shock, "we know the building and we drew up a plan. The four of us can handle it without any outside involvement."

"You don't really think he's that dumb, do you Kate?" Castle responded for Gates, "This guy vanished into thin air after shooting you, despite the hundreds of cops at Montgomery's funeral. No one saw him, no one saw the car he left in, and no one found any physical traces he left behind. All of a sudden, we have a face, we have an address, and we have a car? This has to be a trap. He left those traces on purpose."

"Then we'll spring the trap. Four against one is good enough odds for anyone," Beckett answered him back, tilting her chin to show her determination.

Castle stared at her with dismay evident in his expression before quietly asking, "This guy isn't even the end-game here, Kate. Are you really willing to risk all four of us just on the off chance that we can capture him alive and convince him to talk? Has anyone ever connected to this ever talked? The only leads we've had have been murdered. Take the support! The Captain can find us enough for a squad, and then we'll be able to isolate him," he pleaded with her.

As Beckett opened her mouth to dispute him again, Gates stepped in, "I'm not wasting any more time on this. Here's my compromise: I can give you a skeleton crew, Rick. As far as the bureaucracy is concerned, you'll be on a training mission so that if you continue shadowing Detective Beckett, you'll be more prepared. That should give you cover to take an extra four officers on the assault for support. Once you're inside the building, they can move in as backup as needed. That's all I can do. I'll make sure they're clean and set up the paperwork. In the meantime, redraw your plans for the support and do whatever you can to tie this Maddox to Whitley's murder. I don't want him wriggling free if we catch him." When Castle nodded his acceptance, Gates turned and left the room as suddenly as she entered.

Silence reigned for a prolonged period after the Captain's departure. The three detectives openly gaped at Castle, not caring how dumbfounded their faces looked for once.

Kate was the first to recover. "Castle, what the f…," she started to ask, but the blaring of her phone cut her off.

"Beckett," she answered with a barely-restrained sigh, cupping her free hand on her forehead, "Ok, we'll be right down.

"That was Lanie," she said to the group, "There's been a breakthrough on Whitley's cause of death. Ryan and Esposito, can you update the assault plan to accommodate the extra people while Castle and I see what the new information is?"

* * *

The whole ride down to the elevator, Beckett and Castle stood next to each other in the back of the elevator, trying to avoid directly looking at each other out of the corners of their eyes without directly seeing each other.

Kate was upset over his involvement of Gates and getting the tactical squad, even a stripped-down version, assigned to the mission. _If there's anything this case has taught us, it's that we can't trust the NYPD itself. The Dragon has corrupted too many of us, starting with Montgomery, McAllister, and Raglan. _

Castle tried not to think of what Beckett's inevitable reaction would be when she decided to press him on his obvious familiarity with Gates. She was thankfully quiet now, but it wouldn't last. _Damn. She still smells like cherries. _His promise to his mother that he would be able to flip his love off like a switch was serious, but what she didn't know was that he intended it as a pledge. The bravado he felt at the time would stand him in good stead while he worked to forget his feelings for Kate.

It failed. While he was successful for a short time, the way she protected him at the apartment building after the flash grenade was his first step back. Smelling the cherry-scented perfume she used brought it all back. He had to believe there was something else behind her recent actions. It almost seemed like jealousy when she started complaining about Kyra. There had been an extra green tint to her usually hazel eyes that had his hopes fluttering, no matter how silly it seemed at the time.

When the elevator dinged their arrival and the doors slid open, he turned to Kate for the first time. "I know it won't make any difference," he started, "but I just thought you should know: she's not my girlfriend, and we're not sleeping together. She needed a safe place to run, and I protected her." Then he walked out, leaving her heart throbbing in her chest.

When they walked into the morgue, they saw Lanie standing by an open laptop and Alexis looking like she was about to burst with excitement.

"What do you have on Whitley's cause of death, Lanie?" Kate asked.

Throwing a sideways smirk to her intern, Lanie faced the two partners and answered, "Actually, this one was all Alexis, so I'll let her handle this."

Castle turned surprised but proud eyes to his daughter, and Kate looked at the smaller Castle with an expectant smile of her own.

"Ok well, Dr. Parrish said the only anomaly with Detective Whitley was the presence of potassium coating his internal organs, or what was left of them. That got me thinking back to chemistry, and potassium's properties. I remember learning that alkali metals like potassium are extremely reactive, and I found this clip on YouTube of what happens when you drop a gram of potassium in water," she showed the short video, after which Kate was shaking her head and Castle was nodding appreciatively.

"I'm not sure, Alexis. Do you think this could really be turned into a weapon?" Kate wondered.

Castle jumped to his daughter's defense. "It wouldn't really have to be weaponized, Beckett. What if someone just turned it into a capsule or something that looked like a pill with a quick-dissolving coating? Whitley could have swallowed it thinking it was just about anything. The water he used to swallow it would have melted the first layer and then the potassium itself could have reacted like the video showed."

Try as she could, Kate couldn't find as much fault with that theory as she wanted to. "Ok Castle, but even if that theory does hold up, it doesn't definitely link our guy to Whitley's death. It just gives us a really elaborate signature."

"True," he nodded, "but at least now we know what killed Whitley. Someone must have wanted him to suffer pretty badly to kill him this way."

"Maybe he slept with Maddox's sister. Well, that's one mystery solved. Thanks Lanie. Nice work Alexis," Kate complimented as she led Castle back upstairs.

* * *

Upstairs, the boys were just putting the finishing touches on the expanded plan when Beckett and Castle returned. Kate looked the details over and approved the new outline. She wanted to start the assault right away, but Castle argued in favor of taking time.

"We still have 36 hours, Kate. He knows we'll find him. He knows we'll come for him. This is a guy who, if you're all right about him being the same one who shot you, disappeared without a trace after that, but now he's clumsy enough to let us identify his face, his rental car, and his apartment? I don't buy it. He let us see him and get a location on purpose," Castle reiterated his previous argument in an attempt to get Kate to step back and look at the larger picture.

Kate stood her ground, her desire to catch the guy who shot her along with a chance to find the Dragon's identity overriding every other impulse. "Every minute we spend here is another minute he gets closer to killing Kyra and vanishing again! We know where he is; we know where we can hit him. We need to move now."

As she moved to reach for her phone to order the SWAT team to get ready, Castle put his hand on her forearms, stilling the action and meeting her irate gaze with a pleading expression. "Listen to me, Kate. _He knows you're coming._ I want her back and this guy in cuffs more than anyone else, but if you move now, you'll put nine people at risk on the off-chance one will slip through and take this guy alive. Give it a day. Let's do some more research, get surveillance in place, and learn as much as we can before charging in blindly. He'll still be there tomorrow, and we're still within his deadline."

To her shock, Ryan and Esposito moved behind Castle. Javier nodded. "A few more hours won't make a difference, boss. Let's get some people watching the building and one or two with thermal imagers on his apartment. That way we'll be able to know where he is inside so we're not charging blind."

Looking at her boys, Kate wavered for a brief moment before giving in. "Fine. Make the call to set up the surveillance, Esposito. Find people you know we can trust and put thermals on his apartment, long-distance scopes from every angle, and plain-clothes watching all exits. Don't tell them anything – make it a training mission if you have to, but keep it quiet. We wait until tomorrow morning, but that's all. As soon as we have an idea, we hit them with everything we have. What else do we know right now?"

As Esposito stood off in a corner to start making phone calls, Castle walked to their makeshift murder board searching for anything that would give him the link that tied the whole puzzle together. Kate joined him, silently knocking her shoulder into his. The familiarity of the gesture brought small smiles to both their faces, though they stayed facing the board. She stared at the timeline for a few moments before an apparent coincidence jumped out at her.

"Castle?" she murmured in the quiet, focused voice she unconsciously used whenever she had an idea.

"Yes, Kate?" he replied, knowing that tone.

"Why exactly was Kyra's husband divorcing her?" Beckett asked.

After a brief pause, he remembered, "Somehow, he got his hands on the surveillance photos of the two of us kissing from the bridesmaid murder case. He thinks we've been sleeping together for their whole marriage."

Kate stood up straighter and turned to look closer at him. "You don't know how he got them?"

"No, she just said that he had the shots waiting for her when she got home one night," Castle answered slowly, starting to see where she was going.

Turning to Ryan, she requested, "Hey Kev, can you pull up the records for who signed out any evidence from the bridesmaid murder?"

"Sure thing, Beckett. What do you need?" he asked as he moved over to a computer.

"See who took out the photos of Castle and Kyra on the roof," Kate clarified as she moved to look over his shoulder.

Rick stayed where he was, but the answer clicked in his mind at the same time as Kate and Ryan found the record. "Brown!" they said as one.

After a quick call to Judge Markaway, Ryan took the still-drying warrant to Kyra's building and got a copy of the building's security cameras for the day Kyra showed up at Castle's loft.

"Alakazam, jackass," Kate breathed as they saw none other than Detective Whitley deliver a package to Kyra's husband, knowing Castle would get the joke in her quote of herself.

It worked. He let out a low chuckle before running his hand through his hair and blowing out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Ok, so we know Brown and Whitley were working together, but why? Why would they break up Kyra's marriage over something that never even happened?"

The look of realization on Kate's face was so blatant he could almost see the light bulb clicking on over her head. "Scandal!" she exclaimed, with a surprising amount of anger in her eyes following the statement.

The three men looked at her curiously.

"Scandal," she repeated, "Castle, do you remember the case with the mayor a few months ago?"

"How could I forget?" he said, "someone tried to frame the mayor to remove the one person keeping me at the precinct…" he trailed off as the answer finally hit him too.

Kate's eyes had the specific gleam only seen when she was about to wring a confession out of a suspect. "Exactly! The scandal of Kyra cheating with you gets splashed all over the tabloids. The resulting blowup not only breaks up her marriage, the rumors fly, and I get mad because I think you slept with her too," she stopped with a wince when she realized that she had done exactly that, and promised herself she would apologize at the first chance, "Then our partnership is over and you're out of the precinct, leaving me free to investigate the shooting and my mom's case. Mr. Smith's leverage is gone, so I can be a target again."

"Wait, wait, back up," Esposito interjected, "how does whatever you and Castle had or didn't have play into this?"

"Two detectives from this precinct are bound to have heard rumors about whether Kate and I were dating, so they could have reported that up to the Dragon and he could use that as another lever to get me out of the precinct," Castle answered.

"No, whoever this Dragon is probably keeps everything separate for security, but even if they didn't have any direct contact they could have told Maddox," Kate reasoned, "which would leave them free to get the evidence they needed to manipulate us apart." As she fleshed out the logic, Castle saw a flash of pain crossing Kate's face. Something about using their supposed feelings for each other against them to drive the partners apart hurt her. _Now that's an interesting thought. Maybe all isn't really lost here?_

"And it almost worked," he said quietly, "but it ultimately failed. Now we have a much better idea of what the hell happened the last few weeks."

Javier's phone rang. After a quiet conversation, he rejoined the group. "Surveillance is in place on Maddox's place. Early thermal imagery shows just two guys walking around and one stationary subject, who is probably Kyra. They'll call every hour with updates and let me know immediately if something changes."

Kate nodded. "Good. Now, how can the four of us move on this guy's apartment without being seen?"

Castle stood up straight and smiled. "I think I know just the way."

* * *

After Castle explained his plan and everyone agreed – with more than a littl convincing – they broke for the night to get some much needed rest. Esposito and Ryan were the first out while Kate and Rick lagged behind, each seemingly unwilling to abandon the other's company for the first time in a few weeks. The elevator ride down from Homicide was completely silent. Castle wanted to let Kate make the first move with the events of their planning session still fresh in his mind. The wounds left over from their bitter fight in the bullpen were still raw, but the flashes he'd seen of regret and contrition as they figured out how the Dragon manipulated them made him think all was not lost.

Kate spent the trip out of the precinct with Castle frantically trying to figure out the words she needed to use to apologize. Ever since the bombing – or her shooting, if she was being brutally honest – she'd treated him horrendously. The man did nothing but try to be there for her and when she wasn't lying to him or using her mother's case as an excuse to not begin a relationship, she was hiding the true extent of her feelings with exceedingly subtle gestures that he may or may not have understood. That careful state of tension wasn't bad, though. They were friends cautiously making their way to something more, but since he found out about her lie and she saw Kyra in his apartment, things went from bad to worse. In her jealousy, she accused him of sleeping with a married woman and lying to her about it, then refused to help him when his friend was kidnapped.

Figuring out the extent of their manipulation, and correspondingly the depths of her betrayal of Castle's trust, took the floor out from under her. For the rest of the planning session, when Castle revealed his plan, which she had to credit was insane but probably so crazy it would work, she was so mortified at her behavior she couldn't meet his gaze. Now, however, they were leaving the precinct, seemingly to go their separate ways. With the operation the next morning, this would likely be her last chance to make things right. One year before, Castle confessed his love at what he thought was his last chance as she bled out in a cemetery. She couldn't dishonor that memory by letting the same opportunity pass.

When Rick turned to wish her a goodnight, she cut him off with a flustered, "Rick, I'm sorry."

His eyes grew wide and he closed his mouth. After a moment, he furrowed his brow and nodded, gesturing for her to continue.

Kate folded her hands in front of her and looked down at the tips of her shoes before setting her jaw and meeting his gaze again. "About Kyra, I mean. I said some really awful things that you didn't deserve, and I'm sorry I acted the way I did. You were just being a good friend to her."

Castle smiled sadly and gave her a nod of his own. "Thank you, Kate," he accepted with a suddenly raspy voice, "Until tomorrow," and turned to head home.

He didn't see her mouth open to continue, but with his action her courage failed and she let him walk away.

* * *

"Castle," he answered his phone that night after taking a long, hot shower that ultimately failed to completely soothe either his nerves or his heart and collapsing into his ridiculously soft bed.

"It's Kate. We found Pamela Brown," even through the phone, Beckett's wavering voice belied her emotional state. Bad news was coming.

"Oh? Where was she hiding out?" he asked through a yawn.

Kate took a deep breath, "She wasn't hiding anywhere. She was found in an alley, bound with duct tape and shot…two gunshots to the back of the head."

That made Castle's eyes pop open. "She was executed. He's cleaning it all up."

"Yep. Get some sleep, Castle. Tomorrow's going to be a hell of a day."

* * *

**A/N:Please let me know what you thought! I really appreciate all the feedback! It really helps!**

**Ok, I'm neither a doctor nor a scientist. I have no idea if it's even possible to use pure potassium to kill Whitley the way he died in this story. Please don't send me PMs or leave reviews saying it's not possible. A little suspension of disbelief is all I ask :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Well, here we are again. Thank you to everyone who left those wonderful reviews for Chapter 8. That one had to be one of my personal favorites, so I'm really glad everyone seemed to enjoy it.**

**As usual, I don't own any of these characters or settings, so no profit is there to be made here. **

**This chapter was a tough one to write. I don't know if I handled the action well, so if it seems off, my apologies. **

* * *

M & M Chapter 9

* * *

_Previously on Miscommunications and Misunderstandings…_

"_It's Kate. We found Pamela Brown," even through the phone, Beckett's wavering voice belied her emotional state. Bad news was coming. _

"_Oh? Where was she hiding out?" he asked through a yawn._

_Kate took a deep breath, "She wasn't hiding anywhere. She was found in an alley, bound with duct tape and shot…two gunshots to the back of the head."_

_That made Castle's eyes pop open. "She was executed. He's cleaning it all up."_

"_Yep. Get some sleep, Castle. Tomorrow's going to be a hell of a day."_

* * *

_The next morning…_

The nondescript square apartment building looked like any other apartment building in New York. Ornate stone carvings adorned the roof ledge looking down on the streets ten stories below. People entered and left as they went about their daily lives, oblivious to the drama that was about to unfold.

The man in the 9th floor apartment sat back on his couch and looked at various camera feeds on his laptop. Building management was unaware of his actions, but years of experience and training had enabled him to hack into every security camera – both internal and external – as well as several on the street itself. Any approach to the building was visible within a 100-yard radius. Precious cargo needed to be adequately protected, especially to ensure that the opposition was still playing the game by his rules.

At precisely 0900, a black and white car belonging to a personal technology repair service rolled up to the rear of the building and parked across the alley, blocking one exit. Two technicians got out and retrieved their large, heavy tool bags from the back before entering. Their black and white hats prevented any of the surveillance cameras in the area from seeing their faces. One of the building's few interior cameras showed one of the two technicians approach the security desk and remove something from one of his bags before disappearing into thin air. Unfortunately for the man on the 9th floor, he was looking elsewhere and missed the transition.

At 0912, a brown delivery van parked across the same alley in the front and a woman went into the building with several large boxes on a dolly. She smiled at a kind resident that held the door open for her entrance. Her tan hat obscured her face from any angle above.

At 0925, a pizza delivery truck arrived despite the early hour and blocked the alley on the other side of the building. The delivery man took a large insulated bag obviously loaded down with cheesy goodness and walked through the front doors. Like all the previous delivery and technical people to arrive, he also wore a hat that blocked his face from casual view.

All four went to different floors, but after wandering the halls, made their way to various service elevators and stairwells to assemble in the main stair just below the 9th floor.

Removing her tan hat, Kate Beckett looked at one of the computer technicians. "Good job getting the interior cameras looped, Ryan."

He grinned in response as he removed his own cap. "Thanks, Beckett. Javier did a great job blocking the alley off, didn't he?"

The other computer tech grunted as he removed part of his own disguise. "Let's just suit up and go get this bastard. This tech nerd costume is ridiculous."

Beckett looked over at the pizza man. "Esposito's right; I feel like an idiot dressed like this. Can we go over the plan one more time, Castle?"

* * *

As the team opened their various packages and withdrew their weapons, Beckett cut open the boxes on her dolly and distributed tactical communication radios and body armor. She took a long look at her partner before reaching once more into the box and handing him a loaded pistol. "Only in self-defense or protecting her, Castle."

He looked at the weapon for a moment before nodding silently and taking the grip. Checking to make sure the safety was set, he flipped it off and slipped into the back of his waistband.

When they were all armored and armed, they moved down the hall toward apartment 912, where Maddox's address was listed.

Beckett's radio crackled, "_Overwatch to Detective Beckett, we have thermal imagery on the subjects inside. Just like before, one is stationary in a bedroom to the back and right of the entrance. Target One is in the same room walking around slowly. Target 2 is moving around in the living room, immediate left of the entry."_

"Roger that, Overwatch," she growled into her mouthpiece as the team gathered around her. Kate stood to the right of the doorway and gestured for Esposito to prepare to kick the door down. Ryan and Castle crouched on the left side of the door. When Kate nodded once, Esposito stood up and kicked once. The door flew open without resistance.

He rushed in first, according to the attack plan they'd drawn up the night before, with his heavy shotgun elevated. "NYPD, drop your weapon!" he shouted at the enormous bald guy in the living room – not Maddox – catching him by surprise. With a growl, the goon threw his pistol on the couch and put his hands on the back of his head before Esposito cuffed him.

Beckett and Ryan moved to the bedroom, while Castle trailed behind with his temporary pistol. With the secondary target incapacitated, Maddox would be the primary. It only made sense that he would be the one with physical control over Kyra.

The two detectives stood on either side of the door before Ryan repeated Esposito's maneuver from the front door and kicked the door in. The younger, blonde man guarding the blindfolded, bound, and gagged woman on a bed made the mistake of going for his weapon when they burst into the room. Beckett wasn't in a mood to take chances, and before the guy could even reach his weapon, she landed a devastating blow to his face. It stunned him, but only temporarily. Castle took a position guarding Kyra as Kate and Ryan engaged the younger thug in a fight.

It was a testament to the man's training that the fight was remotely even. He engaged Ryan first, who took a few blows to the face and ribs before the man's attention diverted to Kate in to his other side. While she blocked a few shots and landed one or two to his gut, Ryan was able to get to his feet, move behind the struggle and put the man in a lock. The maneuver freed Kate to grab one of his hands and put a cuff on it before twisting it painfully around to link it with the other. Ryan led the handcuffed suspect out the living room to sit next to his conspirator on the couch.

Kate stood guard, breathing heavily and watching as Castle untied Kyra and took her blindfold and gag off. She blinked in the light, obviously having been blindfolded for an extended period of time, before looking around at her rescuers and sobbing in relief. She threw herself into Rick's arms and he rubbed her back gently and buried his head into her hair, whispering "It's ok. We have you; you're safe," over and over.

Kate took advantage of the breather to look around the apartment for the first time, noticing something off. She walked from one bedroom to the other before heading out to the living room and kitchen. No closet remained unsearched; no space behind any door remained uninvestigated. Maddox, their primary target and at least nominal tenant of the apartment, was absent. She joined Ryan and Esposito watching the suspects and keyed her radio. "Overwatch, Detective Beckett. Two suspects immobilized, subject safe. Primary suspect is NOT here. I repeat: the primary suspect is NOT here."

"_Roger that, Detective Beckett. Do you require support?"_

"Affirmative, Overwatch. The apartment is secure, but we have two suspects to escort, plus we need medical for the hostage." She looked around again, hoping to notice something she missed before, but only confirmed her earlier inspection. The place was empty.

"_Your crew is on the way, Detective Beckett. Sit tight."_

She walked back into the living room, staring at the two suspects in custody. Castle remained in the bedroom comforting Kyra. "Something's wrong about all of this," she declared to Ryan and Esposito.

"Why do you say that?" Ryan replied as he frisked the larger of the two suspects, making sure the men were fully disarmed.

"Maddox isn't here. Everything we had said he would be here, but it's just these two thugs," Kate answered, her frustration coloring her tone, "Castle! Can you bring Kyra in here?"

"You got it, Beckett!" he called before guiding Kyra slowly into the living room, making sure she knew he was placing his body between her and her captors.

Kate's face softened at the other woman's obvious fear. Just as she started to ask Kyra if she knew where Maddox might have been, the support crew arrived to take custody of the goons. It took all four men to handle the recalcitrant pair, but they made it work.

Before she could finish her question, there was a huge explosion from the bedroom where Kyra had been kept. Bullets started pinging off various pieces of furniture throughout the apartment. Castle threw his body in front of Kyra as Ryan screamed and went down, clutching his shin.

"Espo, you take Kyra and get the hell out of here! Send the bus for Ryan." Kate shouted as she ran over to Ryan and started applying first aid.

Castle started to protest, but Kate shouted him down. "He's got heavier weapons and has been trained in this, Castle. Let him do his job. You stay here and help me."

She could see the conflict written on his face as he was torn between personally helping his friend and letting the professional do his job, but the insistence on her face won out and he grudgingly gave way. Esposito ran to the front door with Kyra right behind. After scanning the hall, he led her to the stairwell and out.

* * *

Kate and Castle took up positions in front of Ryan as the bullets continued to ping through. After a harrowing few moments, the four members of their backup arrived. Castle joined Kate in laying down a covering fire while the backup dragged Ryan into the hallway to wait for medical support.

After Ryan was evacuated, Beckett reassessed the situation. Bullets were still ricocheting through the blast hole. They were down half their team, and backup was guarding Ryan and Kyra outside. She turned to look at her partner, "Castle, we can't stay here. You move out into the hallway and try to kick the door in like Ryan and Esposito did earlier. I'll see if I can force an entry through the back. If you can hold his attention long enough, I can take him by surprise."

Castle turned incredulous eyes toward her. "Are you serious? You're going to, what, float over the gap between the balconies or something?"

"If I have to, yes!" she turned to fire a few more shots to keep their assailant busy.

He started to argue, but she cut him off fiercely. "We don't have time to argue on this, Castle! If we try to hit him from both sides, we might catch him off-guard and that gives us the advantage."

"Fine," he growled, "But if you can't make the jump, don't try! Just start shooting the glass out to distract him, and then run through the front."

She nodded wordlessly before diving across the fire zone and running to the balcony.

Castle waited for her to leave before dashing out the front door and heading into the hallway. "Ok, I just saw Esposito and Ryan do this. I can totally do it too," he said as he stood to the right side of the door. Lifting his right leg, he kicked the door as hard as he could.

It didn't budge.

Suddenly, there were bullets tearing through the drywall to the left of the door before cutting off abruptly. "Shit!" _At least I guessed lucky and stood to the right, _he thought. Still, the shots gave him new strength from adrenaline, and his next kick was much stronger, splintering the frame and sending it inward with a satisfying crash.

Silence.

* * *

Making her way out to the balcony, Kate took a very cautious defensive position, inching her way forward just in case Maddox could see her balcony through his sliding glass door. No shots came, so when she made it to the railing, she checked the distance. It couldn't have been more than a few feet, so it was easily within her jumping distance. She positioned herself and after a short moment when she willed herself not to look down at the fall, Kate jumped.

The impact of her landing against the balcony railing drove the breath out of her chest with an explosive gasp. She quickly clambered over and took a position scanning the interior, but she didn't see Maddox or Castle. The fear of seeing him unconscious or bleeding on the floor drove her to try to open the sliding glass door, but it was locked.

As she struggled with the door, a sound from inside made her insides freeze. Thumping, bumping, and crashing all started her heart pounding. Unwilling to wait for the door to open, she took her pistol and shattered the glass with the butt, carefully avoided the shards of glass as she reached through, and opened the door from the inside. She raised her gun as she walked to the sounds of the struggle.

* * *

After the door splintered and flung itself inward, Castle cautiously peered inside. Not seeing the shooter, he held up his own gun and moved quietly on the balls of his feet in an imitation of the way Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito moved when they were clearing rooms. First he inched down the front hallway and peeked around the corner of the kitchen. Not seeing anyone there, he backed up against the wall and inched along, waiting for an ambush.

As soon as his weapon cleared the corner by the living room, two hands reached over, grabbed the gun, and whipped it out of his own. Caught by surprise, it was all he could do to maintain his balance. Cole Maddox whipped back around and took a fighting stance. Castle leveled his own glare and moved into his own stance.

Maddox – weaponless, Castle noted; _He must have run out of bullets_ – started with a flurry of punches, quickly following right with left, jabs with feints and crosses. Initially, Castle could do little more than block the attacks. After the first charge, he started noticing a pattern. Maddox always alternated right with left, so when he blocked a right hook, before Maddox could follow with the left, he slid slightly to the side and lashed out with a body blow. It was enough to knock some air out of Maddox's lungs, which gave him enough of an opening to grab the man's jacket and start slamming him repeatedly into the walls, breaking picture frames and a mirror in the effort to knock his assailant unconscious.

It was only partially successful. Maddox appeared dazed, but was definitely still conscious as he fought to break the hold. Eventually, the other man got enough of his head back to slam his fists down on Castle's elbows, loosening the grip. That gave him enough of an opening that he was able to wrench one arm painfully behind Castle's body, which gave Maddox leverage to swing Castle around the wall and into the living room. Using the extra space, he drove Castle across the room and slammed his head straight into the TV, shattering the glass and causing the set to fall over on top of Castle's prone body.

Kate saw it all.

Seeing her partner being flung into the television, only to fall onto the floor and not move as the device landed on him, she screamed "NO!"

That got Maddox's attention. He looked at the detective with the raised weapon, calculated his odds, and dove for the cover of the hallway as Kate started firing after him. Maddox got up but remained in a crouch as he ran down the hall and out the shattered front door, Kate's bullets peppering the drywall behind him as she gave chase. She looked at Castle's supine form, only now starting to moan and move, and decided he was alive and physically unhurt enough for her to chase Maddox.

She dashed out the door, seeing the stairwell door slam shut behind him. Pulse pounding in her ears, Beckett ran to the stairwell and flung the door open, covering all angles with her weapon. She ran up each flight with her gun pointing up, willing Maddox to present enough of a target for her.

The chase led to the roof where he disappeared behind some of the air conditioners and other machinery used in the operation of an apartment building. Kate followed warily, watching for any movement and listening for any sound. Turning one corner, Maddox ambushed her in much the same way as he did Castle.

* * *

Castle regained consciousness with a moan. As soon as he was aware enough to realize he was lying under a television, he hoisted the set off of his upper body and gingerly got to his feet. The blow he took to the head left him groaning in throbbing pain with every movement, but the urgency of helping Kate drove his actions. With a start, he realized there was one key difference in the apartment he woke up in versus the apartment where he lost consciousness: he was alone.

_Oh God. Kate's gone. What the hell happened? Kate!_

As soon as he realized his situation, he ran out into the hallway and frantically looked around for a sign of where Kate and Maddox had gone. The hall was empty, but he saw the door to the stairwell hanging open. Running to the stairs he glanced up and down, both looking and listening for signs of a struggle. Light filtered down from an obviously open door above, so ignoring the pain in his skull and ache in his ribs, he ran up the stairs as fast as he could.

_Kate! Where are you? Please don't let there be a blood trail. Please God don't let there be a blood trail. _

Castle burst out into the sunlight, grunting in pain as his headache refused to go away. He desperately scanned the roof, but the area he could see was empty. He started to run to his right, intending to look behind a structure of some kind when he heard a woman's shout behind him. Whirling around, he didn't see anyone, but after responding "Beckett?" he distinctly heard the voice shout again, "Help!"

"Beckett!" he yelled as he started running to the edge of the roof.

He heard an answering "Castle! I'm here!" in response.

"No! Oh, God! Castle!" her voice echoed in his ears as he ran, feet pounding on the asphalt of the roof.

His injuries protested the effort, but Castle refused to listen to his body's weakness and he pushed harder. The combination of not seeing her and hearing the fear and desperation in her voice drove him beyond what he thought his physical limits were. "Beckett! Hang on!"

"Castle!" she pleaded again for him to save her life.

"Beckett!" Looking over the roof's ledge, he saw her barely hanging on by her fingertips. Her fingers slipped just as he leaned over, but he reached out and grabbed her hand just as she fell. With a grunt, he reached down and grabbed her arm with his other hand and drew her back up.

They collapsed into each other's arms, him hissing from the pain in his ribs and head, but ignoring it as she shook in sobs of relief, hot tears spilling from her eyes onto his neck. For once she wasn't trying to hide her emotional reaction. The nearness of her brush with death drove all pretenses away and she just gave in.

Her body felt warm to the touch, which he thought was strange in that moment on a cool, breezy rooftop, but his whole focus was on holding her and willing whatever strength he had left to somehow pass to her. Castle stroked her hair gently, whispering nonsense just so Kate would understand that he was there and they both were alive. Maddox's whereabouts were the last thing on his mind.

"It's ok, Kate. I have you. You're safe now. I've got you."

* * *

_The next morning, 12__th__ Precinct Homicide Captain's office_

Captain Gates stood behind her desk, facing Kate Beckett and Javier Esposito with their civilian consultant Richard Castle. Ryan was still in the hospital with a tibia broken from the gunshot. Despite the fact that Maddox got away, she looked with satisfaction on her best team. They had executed a near-perfect assault on a residential building against a well-armed and well-trained foe, capturing two-thirds of the criminals and rescuing the hostage alive.

"Before anything else, I wanted to tell each of you how proud of you I am. Your main target got away, but you accomplished every other objective of the raid, and you did it without anyone suspecting you were there. I couldn't have planned better results."

"Sir?" Beckett asked from her position with arms behind her, "With all due respect, Maddox had us dead to rights. None of us should be here right now. He had total surprise on his side and wounded one of us. The plan was faulty because we didn't know he was there. We just assumed he was there."

Gates nodded her agreement, "All of that is true, Detective Beckett, but you of all people should know that no plan survives first contact. All things considered, getting the results you did was the best we could have hoped for," she changed gears and regarded the only civilian in the room, "Castle, how's Mrs. Blaine-Murphy doing?"

Rick looked up from his own interlocked hands. "She's pretty rough, given everything that happened. I dropped her off at the hospital so they could be sure she was physically ok, and made sure a therapist friend of mine checked in on her. I think when she's out of the hospital, she's headed straight to her lawyer's to sign the divorce papers."

Kate interjected in surprise, "She's still signing the divorce papers?"

"Yeah. She said the way he doubted her over something that never happened made her realize the marriage was never as sound as she thought it was. Kyra's going to use this opportunity to cut her losses and probably leave the city. She said something about starting fresh in Chicago or Boston," Castle explained.

Esposito interjected, gesturing to both Gates and Castle. "Hang on, there's something that really needs explaining. You two were awfully chummy in the planning session. I thought you hated him, sir?" he asked, putting an inflection on the last word.

Castle and Gates looked at each other, silently deciding who would answer Esposito. She took the lead, saying, "Castle showed up in my office a couple years ago with some half-assed story about needing to get an Internal Affairs office procedure right for a scene."

"She threw me out, but I kept coming back, and eventually she agreed to talk to me. The story had to be right. You know how much of a stickler I am for accuracy," Castle continued with a wink at Kate.

She responded with a roll of her eyes, but it was done more out of habit than anything else. "Ok, but how were you that familiar?"

Gates looked at her subordinate, "After a little while talking, I could tell he was serious about getting things written the right way, so we just started talking, and damned if he didn't charm his way past whatever irritation I had in the first place."

Esposito grunted and Beckett grinned. Neither was surprised that Castle managed to charm her.

"After Montgomery was killed and when Kate was in the hospital," Castle went on quietly, "I called the Mayor's office to specifically ask for her to take over the 12th."

Kate turned incredulous eyes on him. "_You _did that?"

"Yeah, I did. When everything was going to hell and all the events pointed to corrupt cops, I thought someone taking over with experience ferreting out dirty officers would help us find the Dragon's moles inside the precinct."

Kate and Javier just gaped at him. "So, wait a minute," Kate finally found her voice, "If you two knew each other and got along so well before, why did you fight so hard to get him out of the precinct when you took over?"

Gates actually smiled. "I got along with Rick Castle, the author interviewing me. I didn't like Rick Castle, civilian consultant. I wasn't excited about someone attaching himself to our team, poking around crime scenes and getting into trouble. After he forced me to accept him, it took a while for me to see his value, but in the end, I had to admit I was wrong. Anyway, about Rick's plan to have me looking around the 12th from the Captain's office, it was a great idea. While you all have been doing the legwork after Maddox and the rest, I've been quietly poking into Raglan and McAllister from this end. I've found enough to link them all, but I have some bad news."

The team in front of her looked worried, but they'd been through enough on this case that they felt ready to handle whatever bad news Gates was about to announce.

"I found out these dirty cops were connected to activities and people outside the city and outside our jurisdiction. I'm sorry, Detective Beckett, but with everything that's happened to you on this case, I'm going to have to send the entire thing up to someone Castle told me about, a Jordan Shaw. Everything I've heard about her and seen about this case tells me it's exactly her kind of responsibility. As of now, this case is closed as far as the 12th precinct is concerned. I can't risk any more members of my best team. You've all cheated death far too often." Gates delivered the blow as softly as she could and waited for the almost inevitable blow-up from her senior detective at losing a case that had so many highly personal connections to herself and her family.

It never came. Kate's eyes got large for the briefest of moments, shining green in the filtered light of the office. Her jaw clenched and she made a fist, but after the initial indicators of internal tension, she blinked a couple times, stood a little straighter, and nodded wordlessly.

Castle looked worried at her lack of a reaction. By all rights, she should be yelling about the case belonging to her. He remembered her declaration about bringing a war to the doorsteps of the people hunting her, but she was just letting it go without a fight. Something was off with her.

"That seems like the best course of action, Captain. I'll box up whatever I have on the whole mess and get it ready to send to Shaw and her team," Kate said quietly.

Flustered and unsure of how to respond to Beckett's ready acceptance, Gates looked at her for a moment before setting her mouth. "Right, well, with Ryan in the hospital now and out of commission for the foreseeable future as he heals, this team is hereby ordered to take a week off. Get some rest, get your heads on straight, and come back fresh."

Esposito and Castle nodded with matching smiles and murmurs of thanks, but Kate kept quiet. She turned and walked out of the Captain's office without a word, but didn't stop at her desk for any longer than it took to grab her keys. Kate walked to the elevators and left the precinct without a word or glance to anyone, leaving Castle and Esposito standing in the bullpen, watching her walk away.

* * *

**A/N 2: So there that is. I hope you liked it! The next chapter is the long-awaited payoff for all the angst from the start of the story, so hang with me at least another week. It'll be worth it, I promise! **

**I know I re-wrote the rooftop scene from _Always_, but it works for this, I think. I wanted to keep as much of the canon as I could, re-imagining it within the AU I created here. Having Castle be the one who rescued her in the end tied a lot of different threads together here. Please let me know what you thought! Reviews are what keeps this story going. Thank you!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Well, here we are! The longest chapter of the story yet, but I wanted to get this all out in one go, rather than cut it in half and make everyone wait longer. I know keeping Rick and Kate apart thus far, especially with Kyra, wasn't popular, but this chapter will hopefully be the payoff :) **

**Thank you to everyone who has left reviews, alerts, or favorites thus far. You're awesome!**

**As always, my silent beta made sure this was logical enough to read. Without their help, none of this would have been possible.  
**

**No ownership of the show or its characters, or the song referenced halfway through, is implied with this. **

* * *

M & M Chapter 10

* * *

"_I found out these dirty cops were connected to activities and people outside the city. I'm sorry, Detective Beckett, but with everything that's happened to you on this case, I'm going to have to send the entire thing up to someone Castle told me about, a Jordan Shaw. Everything I've heard about her and seen about this case tells me it's exactly her kind of responsibility." Gates delivered the blow as softly as she could and waited for the almost inevitable blow-up from her senior detective. _

_It never came. Kate blinked a couple times, stood a little straighter, and nodded wordlessly. _

_Castle looked worried at her lack of a reaction. By all rights, she should be yelling about the case belonging to her. He remembered her declaration about bringing a war to the doorsteps of the people hunting her, but she was just letting it go without a fight. _

"_That seems like the best course of action, Captain," Kate said quietly. _

_Flustered and unsure of how to respond to Beckett's ready acceptance, Gates looked at her for a moment before setting her mouth. "Right, well, with Ryan in the hospital now and out of commission for the foreseeable future as he heals, this team is hereby ordered to take a week off. Get some rest, get your heads on straight, and come back fresh."_

_Esposito and Castle nodded with matching smiles and murmurs of thanks, but Kate kept quiet. _

_She turned and walked out of the Captain's office without a word, but didn't stop at her desk. Kate walked to the elevators and left the precinct without a word, leaving Castle and Esposito standing in the bullpen._

* * *

_Six hours after Kate Beckett walked out of the precinct…_

Castle stood in front of her door, wondering for the thousandth time if he was doing the right thing or not. The way she left the precinct still had him rattled. Detective Kate Beckett gave in that easily, especially where her mother's – and now her – case were concerned, but when Gates made her pronouncement, she just turned and left with barely another word.

He paced back and forth a little bit; still unsure of where he fit into her life after their fights. After everything that happened starting with the Boylan Plaza blast, the status quo was anything but certain. He wanted to see how se was doing, but after all of it, he wasn't sure if he still had the ability to knock on her door at any hour. Finally, he decided to throw caution to the winds and, taking a deep breath, knocked three times.

"Kate?" Outside the precinct she was always Kate now. They'd been through far too much together to use last names.

A bump. A thud. A rumbling crash, complete with shattering glass. All sorts of worst-case scenarios flew through his head, with Maddox, who was still walking the streets freely, tracking her down featuring prominently.

"Kate? I'm coming in!" No response.

"Kate?" Nothing. _Oh God. What's happening in there?_

* * *

The apartment was swimming. Kate looked at the bottle of alcohol in her hands – she was too emotionally preoccupied to care about using a glass – and realized why her apartment was acting so odd. The vodka bottle was almost empty.

_That's funny. I don't remember drinking that much. After the first few glasses it just started tasting like water. _

Pain.

She'd spent most of the last few hours drinking to make the pain go away. The progressively larger waves of vodka succeeded in pushing the worst of the self-hate away, but it was always there.

_I'm sorry I let you down, Mom. I couldn't get the Dragon. It was too much for me. I'm so sorry, Mom._

Losing the case was the last straw. Intellectually, she knew she hadn't failed her mother. Gates was right; the bastard Dragon was too powerful for one insignificant detective in the NYPD to slay. Falling off a building put things in perspective.

Even with her whole team, she had risked their lives too much. Gates was right about that too. Javier, Kevin, and Castle all almost died because she wanted revenge. Justice was nice to have, but the thought of avenging her mother's murder drove her more than any other force.

She couldn't keep risking other people's lives. It was that simple. If even one more person close to her died in her chase of revenge, the price was too high. Gates was right. She had to let it go.

Even with knowing all of that, it still felt like a betrayal. She'd sworn to her mother's soul and memory that she would personally bring the bastard who killed her to justice. It almost cost her life courtesy of Maddox's bullet. It almost cost her friends, courtesy of the same son of a bitch and his tricks. It almost cost her…Castle.

Castle.

At the same time the brightest light and source of the most tension in her life the last few years, other than The Case, of course. Her stubbornness and fear of taking the leap had all but cost her the best chance at her one and done she'd ever come across. The bitterness of their fights since the bombing case left a barely-holding truce as the one strand of hope she clung to that all was not lost.

Hence the vodka. Hence the swimming apartment. Hence the no glass, straight from the bottle swilling. She would have slopped too much of the vodka out of the bottle with her shaking hands anyway, and she wanted to drink it all.

Drink herself to oblivion, where she could feel nothing. No pain, no loss, no shame, no fear, just sweet nothingness. If she got drunk enough, she could forget the Dragon, the case, letting her mother down, lying to Castle, losing him, getting him back and then losing him again.

_Knock…knock…knock…_

_Oh shit. Who the hell is here? Well you know what? Screw you! Tonight is for me and me alone. I'm just going to finish this bottle and pass out so I don't feel any more pain. At least for tonight. Go away, Mr. Knocky-knocky!_

"Kate?"

_Oh holy shit. Seriously, Castle! Do you have some sort of emotion-radar-mind-reader thingy? How the fuck do you always know when I'm wallowing? He's not going to go away, and he has a key. Fuckity fuck, fuck! Maybe if I hide the bottle he'll think I'm only a little drunk and leave me alone for tonight. I can't deal with Castle and his sad eyes right now. They see too much and make me feel too much. Tonight is supposed to be about not feeling…things. I don' wanna feel things…_

_Maybe if I can just stand up and put the bottle down on the coffee table…Woah…was my floor always this wobbly?_

_Bump. Thud. Crash. Shatter._

_Oh holy shit that hurt._

* * *

He took out the key she'd given him well before the bombing case and tried to calm the shaking in his hands as he unlocked the door. Pushing into her apartment, he saw what he expected to see. Her coffee table was pushed aside from the couch with the glass around it in fragments. Thankfully there was no Maddox. He breathed a sigh of relief. Two legs in knee boots stuck out from behind the cockeyed furniture, from the angle of the feet it was obvious she was laying on her stomach.

"Oh shit, Kate. What happened?" he groaned as he rushed over to her. Rolling her over, he smelled her drunkenness before he saw just how intoxicated she really was. A bottle of expensive vodka was lying next to her. The fact that there wasn't enough alcohol in the bottle to reach over the curve and drain out the top was a testament to how much she'd consumed; at least two-thirds of the contents were gone. Her eyes were bloodshot, but not completely. When they focused on him, pain and regret shot through the alcoholic haze. "Castle…" She started to get on all fours, but only succeeded in smacking her head into the broken coffee table and falling back down.

The shattering glass he heard outside was from the coffee table, which cut her left arm badly from the elbow down to her forearm. "Oh Kate," he whispered.

* * *

_Yup. Ricky Sad-Eyes is back. Yay. Bang-up job, Katie. You always find ways to make the one man you want to see smile more than anything else look at you with those sad blue eyes. This self-hating thing is about the only thing I'm good at other than solving other people's murders._

_Wait a minute…what's this red stuff on my arm? Blood? How the fuck did my arm start bleeding? Why doesn't it hurt more? _

_Oh crap, He's helping me sit up. No more, Rick, just let me die in peace. I can't keep dragging you down with me. You're too good for me, don't you see that? You're this incredibly sexy, down to earth man-child who somehow raised the world's most perfect daughter and I'm just a pathetic wreck who can't even manage her own life…_

* * *

Getting her sitting up was something of a struggle, but with a lot of pulling and gently dragging her away from the broken glass, he managed it in the end. Satisfied that she was sitting up and wouldn't move, he went into her bathroom to find antiseptic, bandages, gauze, and aspirin.

Out in the kitchen once more, he put an ice pack together from her freezer along with a glass of water.

Castle rejoined Kate in the living room, squatting down in front of her. "Here, drink this water and take a few of these aspirin," he instructed. The anguish in her gaze from before was gone, replaced by a kind of wonder that she normally would never have allowed him to see.

When he started to clean and bandage her wound, she took the pain relievers and finished the water off, as instructed. Bandage and tape finished, she turned to him with the same awe in her expression. "How did that happen?"

Castle cocked an eyebrow before responding, "Well, I think you tried to drink yourself unconscious and fell down over your coffee table. The glass broke, which gave you these wonderful lacerations down your forearm."

The head shake she gave him was evidence of her level of intoxication; her usual poise was long gone as her head wobbled severely on her neck and he could see how much effort it took for her to get the room to stop swimming.

* * *

_He doesn't really understand. It's not really the cut. It's about YOU, Ricky Sad-Eyes. How did my life start revolving around YOU? I used to be this badass, independent, tough cop chick. I've taken down the worst of the worst, laughing while I did it. Now I'm sitting alone in my apartment, drinking myself stupid and sobbing hysterically when you show up. How did I become such a GIRL around you?_

"No, I m-mean how did you turn into that guy?" she stuttered a little.

"What guy? I'm not sure what you mean, Kate," he answered.

"That guy, the guy I run to when it hurts and who kishes all of my boo-boosh," she giggled a little at the way she slurred the S in her words.

That set him back on his metaphorical heels. "I, um, well, I guess it's because I want to be. For you, I mean."

"Why?" her need to know was written all over her face as she asked her question in a painfully small voice.

"Why? Because I care about you, Kate. Always have. It's not a sacrifice for me to take care of you. It makes me happy, even more than writing a good chapter, though those are few and far between," he finished lamely, realizing how needy it made him sound and attempting to cover his discomfort with self-deprecating humor.

What he wasn't expecting was for his little joke to result in tears flowing down her face. Her slender body was wracked with sobs worse than when he hauled her back onto the roof. Upset at how his words made her feel, he took her into his arms and started to rub her back gently. "Kate? What did I say? Why did I upset you?"

When her composure was mostly under control and the sobs had trailed off into ragged little half-snorts, she took a deep breath and lolled her head to the side to meet his gaze, though her speech was still broken with stutters and slurs from the truly heroic amount of vodka she'd consumed. "You say you love me so much, 'n you treat me like a queen. You really do, but what I can't figure out is why. You deserve someone so much better than me."

"Better than you? No such thing, Kate. Trust me, I've looked," he grinned, trying to lighten her mood.

She looked down at her hands after hearing his words. "Yeah, b-better than me. I let her down. I made a promise and I let her d-down."

"You didn't let her down, I promise," Castle said softly as he drew her into an embrace, "but we're going to talk more about stuff like that tomorrow when you're sober."

"Oh Rick," she drew a raspy breath with fresh tears threatening to fall from unfocused, bloodshot eyes, "I did a t-terrible thing."

"What in the world could you possibly have done that was so bad?" Castle asked.

"I hurt the one man I've ever really loved," she confessed in a whisper, "What you said when I got really hurt and I l-lied to you about it," she hiccupped – though whether it was from the alcohol or the crying he wasn't sure – "and I kept lying for so long. I b-built this wall to keep my heart safe and it ended up being my prison. 'swhere I belong. I can't handle anything else."

Sheer elation at her confession of the real extent of her feelings warred with despair over the lengths she had to go to reveal them. Both of them combined to make his heart race at the fact that she actually did care for him just as much as he did her. Kate Beckett was the one person in Rick Castle's life who could reliably leave him searching for words. The novelist and wordsmith had a comment for every situation, but whether it was a flirty comment over a dead body or sobs of regret on his chest, she was his exception. The writer in him appreciated the irony of the moment: alcohol made the usually reserved detective more loquacious than ever while her words left him bereft of the ability to form a coherent sentence.

In response, he lifted her bandage to his face and kissed it gently. The obvious care in his action started her tears anew, and she wrapped herself around him, burying her face in his neck and fisting her hands in his shirt. Castle tried to hold her, but something in the action startled her, and she pushed him back. "No!"

The shock he felt at her action took any resistance out of his limbs and he stared at her.

"I'm poison! You can't t-touch me, Rick. You just can't. People get hurt because of me. Montgomery is dead. McAllister and Raglan are dead. My dad almost drowned in a bottle. I've almost been killed, God, I don't even know how many times. You had a TV f-fall on you, and Ryan was shot! I can't let any more of my poison -," the vigor of her warning seemed to upset more than her emotions as she stopped talking suddenly and her eyes got large. Without another word, she clambered over him and wobbled off.

The sound of retching echoing from the bathroom explained both the where and the why of her escape. Castle heaved a sigh and slowly got to his feet. He walked to the bathroom to find her hunched over the toilet, shoulders heaving with her turbulent stomach. He grabbed a small cup from the counter and a hand towel from the hook on the wall, settling down on the tile next to her. As he sat down, he carefully collected her hair from around her head, holding it back around her.

When she was done, she took the offered towel gratefully and wiped her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Rick," she moaned through barely-restrained tears that he saw her at this level of self-defilement.

"Don't worry about it," he reassured softly as he stroked her shoulders, "That's what I'm here for."

He gathered her in his arms and slowly helped her stand up. Castle filled the small cup with water and let Kate rinse her mouth out. "Ok, let's get you settled in bed. You need some sleep."

She nodded slowly, obviously focused on how much effort it required.

Without a word, Castle picked her up gently and carried her into her bedroom.

* * *

_His arms are so strong and warm. I don't think I've ever felt so cared for; so protected; so loved. Why did I ever fight my feelings for him? Why did I ever push him away and lie to him? Maybe there's something I can do that will make it right. What has he wanted from me from Day One?_

As he lowered her onto the bed, she opened her eyes wide and her mouth curved up into what would have been a lascivious grin if she would have been sober. As drunk as she was, it just looked like a caricature of a smile. "You finally got me in bed, Ricky," she tried to purr, leaning back on her hands and pushing her chest out, "So what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm going to tuck you in for the night," he replied as he gathered the covers and tried to slide her under, fighting a chuckle that threatened to escape at her inebriated effort at seduction.

Kate pouted comically and attempted to wink. "I think you can do better than that. Why don't you see just how far you can get tonight? Maybe I'll finally get around to spanking you like you wanted."

He had to fight a sad smile at her efforts. Making love to Kate Beckett was a frequent dream for him, but even with the way she was offering herself on a platter at the moment had no power to turn him on. Not in her current state. He wasn't the kind of man who could take advantage of a drunken woman. "Not tonight, Kate."

"Aww, why not?" her pout deepened.

"Because if we were ever to do…whatever it is that you're suggesting, I want to be sure that you can remember it in the morning," he carefully replied as he laid her down on the bed.

"Those were a lot of really big words, but I trust you," she breathed, furrowing her brow and scrunching her nose. The majority of the alcohol must have been hitting her system just then. Castle left her on the bed and got two bottles of water from the fridge. When he got back into the room, he handed her one with instructions to drink the whole thing and put the other on the nightstand.

She settled back into the covers as he slipped her boots off. After covering her with the sheet, he unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off her legs, but she was already mostly asleep. Castle took the bag out of a garbage can next to her bed and placed it right below her face just in case her stomach rebelled again.

Before leaving her room, he placed a soft kiss to her forehead, "I love you, Kate."

Whether she heard him or not, she felt his kiss, and a small smile played across her lips as he quietly slipped from the room.

* * *

Throbbing. Painful throbbing that threatened to split her skull in two.

_Oh God. Did I die? Is this what death feels like? Nothing but pain? _

Consciousness fought its way into Kate's brain. She pushed aside the jackhammer-style headache to open her eyes gradually. The room looked hazy at first, but a few blinks brought everything into focus. Her room. Thank God she didn't wake up with some stranger like a few times just after her mother's death when she stopped caring.

Her blinds were closed which blessedly kept the worst of the morning sunlight out, but the rays that did peek through sent more painful pulses to her already reeling head. She looked around her darkened room, taking stock of her situation. She wore only a t-shirt and panties, and on her nightstand there was a glass of water and several aspirin.

Someone had taken care of her the night before.

The sight of water made her realize just how bad her mouth tasted. Memories came back slowly. Falling over the coffee table, crashing glass, cuts on her arm – she looked down to verify the bandages – tearfully confessing her real feelings for Castle after someone arrived, then throwing up violently.

_Please God let it be Lanie. _

After taking the aspirin and draining the glass of water, she slowly got to her feet and put on a pair of yoga pants also set out by her mysterious nurse.

Clattering pots and pans signaled the presence of someone in her kitchen, renewing her hopes that Lanie had somehow known she needed help last night. When she opened the door, a variety of smells greeted her. Even in her hung over state, she could discern the different smells of scrambled eggs, bacon, and hash browns cooking in her kitchen, but above them all she detected the smell of her lifeblood, especially in the throes of a hangover this bad: brewing coffee. Her savior had arrived indeed.

Making her way closer to the kitchen, she heard a softer noise through the cacophony of a cooking breakfast: singing. More specifically, she heard a man's voice singing. Arriving at the end of the hall, she was just able to make out the words to "I've Got You Under My Skin," being sung by whomever was cooking her breakfast.

_Whomever. I'm only fooling myself now. If there' s a man in my apartment cooking breakfast, making coffee, and who was thoughtful enough to leave out aspirin, water, and comfortable pants, there's only one person it can be._

Her thoughts were confirmed when she heard Castle's voice more clearly singing the lyrics,

"_Don't you know, you fool_

_That you never will win_

_Why not use your mentality_

_Step up, wake up to reality_

_But each time I do, _

_just the thought of you_

_makes me stop before I begin_

'_Cause I've got you under my skin"_

Peeking around the corner, she saw Castle, complete with a dishtowel over one shoulder, bobbing and weaving slightly with whatever rhythm he was imagining as he scraped a pan across a burner, flipping eggs up with one hand as he stirred hash browns with a spatula in the other.

His singing gave her hope; if someone was under his skin, it was probably her, and the quiet, but somehow happy way he sang made her think that she might not have completely lost her chances with him yet.

The delicious aromas competing for her attention from the stove were finally too much. Her stomach rumbled in its hunger, which made Castle look up and see her peeking around the corner at him. "Kate! You're awake! How do you feel?" he asked quietly, in deference to the physical misery almost radiating from her eyes.

"Like death, but that's probably appropriate considering how much I must have had to drink last night," she admitted, "but I guess I'm a little hungry."

"That's great! I mean, not that you're not feeling well and you're hung over, but I've been busy making Mother's special cure. Guaranteed to take care of any physical discomfort. Uh," he hesitated, "how does your mouth feel?"

_Oh my God. He saw me throw up last night. He probably even held my hair back. _Kate's mouth fell open as she flushed in mortification. "I, um, washed it out, so it's ok. Thanks for leaving the water and aspirin," she responded weakly.

Castle smiled softly. "I'm glad. Why don't you sit at the table, I'll start you with some coffee, and we can have some breakfast?" he asked.

She nodded with a somewhat forced smile. When they both sat down at the table, Castle served the breakfast he'd prepared. They ate in relative silence, the only sounds soft murmurs of approval from Kate and the clatter of silverware. He was right; the greasy, carb-laden food in front of her did wonders to soak up the remaining acid in her stomach from her binging the night before.

When they were done and Castle had cleared the table, he moved to rejoin Kate at the table with two mugs of coffee. Kate looked at him before glancing down at her hands on the table and asking quietly, "Can we talk in the living room?

Castle read her emotions in her tensed posture and nodded. "Of course."

* * *

_Now or never, Katie. He's seen you at your absolute worst and he's still here. You've treated him like dog shit you stepped in at the park and he's still here. Everything he's ever done has been to care for and protect you, misguided as some things might have been at the time. There's nothing left to hide; there's nothing left to hide from. Time for your penance. _

Kate's thoughts swirled around her head as she led Castle into the living room. There were no more walls. No more barriers. No more excuses.

They each set a fresh mug of steaming coffee on the table in front of them. When Castle settled onto one side of the couch, she took the other, folding her legs and feet under her. "Thank you for taking care of me last night, Rick. I know I haven't exactly given you many reasons to care about me lately," she started before he waved her off.

"You're my friend and my partner, Kate. God only knows how many times we've almost died together, or how many times we've saved each others' lives. Of course I'm going to take care of you when you need it," he reassured her.

She smiled at his warmth before breaking the eye contact and looking at her hands, hoping their physical strength could give her courage somehow. "There's a lot I have to say, and you know I'm not really good with words, so please, please let me finish before we get into the details," she looked over to see if he understood her request.

Meeting her gaze, he saw all the meanings behind her words in her eyes and nodded.

Taking a deep breath, she said the words that had been festering in her chest for a year, "I'm sorry."

Castle sat back against the arm of the sofa with raised eyebrows. Kate might not remember her tearful confession of love the night before, but with those simple words, she showed that she was sincere. She started the right way, so he would hear her out.

For her part, Beckett saw how Rick looked surprised at her apology, but not stunned. More happened the night before than she remembered, but how much more remained to be seen.

"I'm sorry for everything. Ever since you went away for the summer with Gina, I've been awful to you. I pushed you away, I left with someone else after you kept me from freezing to death, I hid behind my walls rather than face what was so blindingly obvious that half the precinct has money on whether or not we're naked right now," she took a deep, ragged breath, marshaling her strength for the worst of it, "and I'm sorry for lying to you about what I remembered. I ran from you rather than accept it, and even though I broke up with Josh the day I sent you away, I never told you. For months I let you believe that I was running from you and didn't remember the sweetest words anyone has ever told me. When you told me that you loved me in the cemetery, it wasn't just that I remembered those words. Those were the only words I did remember. Your face was the only thing I could focus on. You gave me a reason to live, and for that I will always be grateful. I'm sorry for my lies. I'm sorry for our fights. I'm tired of fighting you, so I'm sorry," she reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it for emphasis.

By that point, both of Castle's eyebrows had climbed to his forehead. She was either letting him down gracefully for once and all or she was building up to something big. Still, she admitted everything finally, so he felt like it was up to him to respect her courage.

He didn't let go of her hand as he quietly asked, "Why were you fighting me so hard the last few weeks?"

"Because you scare me," Kate answered, "Will, Tom, Josh…they were never scary. I never had to risk anything with them, because on some level I knew none of them stood any chance of getting past my defenses. You – you never stopped trying, never stopped poking. You were the slow trickle of water that would eventually erode my wall," the writer across from her gaped at the eloquence of her verbal imagery, but she continued, "You scared me, because you forced me to face who I was with and without my mom's case. I hadn't had to think about that for over a decade. You were the only one who could have been my one-and-done, and you were nothing like I expected. Do you know that I went to therapy after the shooting?"

"Yeah, that's the departmental regulation, right?"

Kate shook her head. "The regulation only requires you to go to the doctor until he clears you to go back into the field, but I kept going back. Never stopped, actually," she waited to see how Castle would react to that piece of news.

"You…you're still going?" he managed to stammer out through his surprise.

She smiled at his surprise. "Yeah, I still am. After everything that happened, especially when we had our talk on the swings, I knew that I wanted us to be together, but I was so wounded, so broken. Physically and mentally I wasn't ready for you. Healing myself physically was the easy part."

Concern broke through his gaze. "Oh Kate. How could you ever think that you had to make yourself better just because of me? I've spent the last four years thinking that _you_ were the one out of _my_ league."

"If I didn't fix what was wrong with me; if I didn't get past the wall I built around myself after my mom died and my dad disappeared into a bottle, I was afraid that any relationship we started would have ended in disaster. I didn't want to take that risk, Rick. I told myself that I had to be whole enough to want to share all of myself without holding anything back, and I had to know how to do that. I know how you feel about me: you created this almost invincible version of me for the whole world to see. Nikki's tough, determined, confident and sexy; basically the opposite of me. I just wanted to be Nikki Heat for you," she finished in a sigh.

_Oh Kate. Why would you ever think that I wanted you to be Nikki? _"I never fell in love with Nikki Heat; I fell in love with you. You don't need to be perfect for me, Kate. God knows I have my own flaws, especially some real insecurities and self-doubt. Ring a bell after the last few weeks?" she chuckled at his joke, but realized it for what it was as he continued speaking, "Life isn't a fairy tale. You don't have to be Snow White, and I am certainly no Prince Charming. We could have a happily ever after, but it won't ever be perfect. You know how much we bicker now; it comes from both of us being so strong willed. The point of a real relationship is to accept ourselves and each other for who we are and work at it day by day. We're supposed to help make each other better, not be perfect for each other from the start. I'd still be an ass every so often, and you'd probably do things that drive me crazy. In the end, the only thing that would matter is not letting the little things get us down and fighting _for _each other more than we fight _with _each other," he took a breath after his long speech.

"I have to know," she started, with her heart in her throat at how close all of her dreams were to becoming reality, "does this mean you've forgiven me?"

It took him a moment to catch up to her. His eyes got large and he opened and closed his mouth a few times without saying anything. "Kate? Are you being even remotely serious?"

She nodded wordlessly and breathlessly.

"Of course I forgive you! I thought it was obvious," he was genuinely surprised that she was still that much in doubt.

She exhaled an enormous sigh of relief, so unexpected were his words. "I just…you really forgive me that easily for everything? I don't have to beg, grovel, promise bribes, anything? You…really?" Kate could barely believe her ears at his words and her eyes at the sincerity in his face.

"I'm not perfect myself, Kate. What kind of hypocrite would I be if I held you to a higher standard than I would want someone to hold me to for my mistakes? The way I see it, I can either be righteously angry and alone, or I can let the bitterness go and be happy with you right here, right now, and hopefully for a very long time to come," he declared.

"I just never expected it to be so easy. I really don't deserve it," she wondered in a timid voice.

He pursed his lips, needing to find just the right words to make her understand how he really felt, "It's not up to me to give you what you deserve. It's not going to be easy for me. It will still be in the back of my head for a long time, probably. I mentioned my self-doubts earlier. There are going to be times when I have the whispers of doubt, or when we fight I'll probably remember the last few weeks and it will irrationally make me more upset. I just have to work every day to let go of the angry memories and focus on the good ones. I choose to forgive you, just the way I choose to love you, because you're worth it all," he finished.

"I wish we would have had this talk a long, long time ago. I never would have let you go to the Hamptons with Gina," she grinned through damp eyelashes.

"And I never would have gone, either. I just need to know one thing, Kate: did you mean what you said last night?" he asked slowly and deliberately.

For the briefest of seconds, Kate looked like a deer in the headlights as she frantically tried to remember what she said the night before. Most of the evening was a total blank, so she came up with nothing. _Come on, Kate. If you can't remember, figure it out! Rick's posture is guarded; he's expecting a blow. His hands are crossed in front of him, another defensive bit of body language. His eyes – those are the key. His eyes show so much more emotion than his words ever could, and for him that's really saying something. Fear. He's worried. What could he be worried about? He asked if I meant what I said, and his body language is defensive and he has fear in his eyes. There can be only one thing that has him this nervous. He's worried I might break his heart again. Stupid man. Now this is an answer I can actually give him._

For one of the first times that morning, she smiled widely and leaned forward. "Yes, I meant every word. I love you, Richard Castle."

Rick's grin could have outshone the sun. The mere sight of his joy took Kate's breath away, and if she hadn't been sitting on her couch, her knees would have gone weak at the sight.

A heartbeat later his lips were on hers and they were locked in their first-ever real kiss. Tender, passionate, and loving all at once, the sensations of his warm, wet lips rubbing hers and the way his arms enveloped her in their embrace overwhelmed her. Rational thought fled and for the first time in her memory, Kate Beckett gave in to a kiss, closed her eyes, and allowed herself to do nothing more than feel the kiss.

When air became a concern, they broke the kiss, each feeling wet cheeks though neither could tell whose tears were whose. Castle rested his forehead against hers and said through a surprisingly shaky voice, "I love you too, Katherine Beckett."

* * *

Much later as they lay on the couch together, Kate more on Rick than the couch, she was reflecting on how many turns her life had taken over the past few months and weeks. Chief among her thoughts was the sheer amount of time she'd wasted when she could have been truly happy with the wonderful man behind her.

With that thought in mind, she turned her head slightly and smiled. As she expected, Rick returned the smile, reaching down and caressing her cheek as he did so. Making up her mind, she broke the eye contact, snuggled back in and casually said, "So when do you want to start boxing up the stuff here?"

His body remained relaxed as he searched her words for meaning. "Box up your stuff?"

She giggled. "Of course. I have to put it in boxes if I'm going to move in with you, silly."

That finally broke through, and he stiffened. Stifling more giggles, Kate straightened up and looked at him. "Don't you think we've wasted enough time?"

"Yeah, but…that is, I thought that…don't you want to date first or something?" Castle finally managed to stammer out.

_Time to have a little fun, Katie,_ she thought with an inner smirk. "Don't you want me to move in with you?" she pouted, stuck out lip and all.

"Of course I do, it's just…unexpected," he searched for the right words.

She shifted on the couch to face him head on, "I meant what I said, Rick. We've basically been non-romantically dating for four years now, and when you add up the times we've saved each others' lives or almost died together, no two people could be more intertwined than we are. We've wasted far too much time.

"I couldn't care less about this place. My apartments were the walls where I hid from the world to pour over a murder case on my own, alone. Your loft has been more of a home to me than anywhere else I've lived for a very long time. When you took me in after my place blew up, I saw what it would be like to have a real family again, and I want that. I really do, Rick. I want to move in with you, the sooner the better."

"Well, ah, that is to say, I would love to have you move in, provided Alexis is ok with things, of course. I know she wasn't too happy with either of us over the last few weeks, so I need to ask her. She'll be off to college soon but still keep the loft as her permanent address until she gets a real place of her own out of the dorms," he cautioned.

"I wouldn't worry too much about Alexis," she grinned, having a piece of the puzzle click into place, "haven't you seen how awfully chummy she's gotten with Lanie since her internship started? Lanie was upset for a while, but then she started pushing me to start chasing you for once."

Thinking back, Castle smiled, "You're right, and I caught her and Kyra huddled together whispering more than once before urging me not to give up on you. You don't think…" he trailed off as the same thought clicked in his head.

"…they played us! All three of them were in on it, scheming to get us back together!" Kate exclaimed, finally seeing the whole puzzle.

"My daughter is a diabolical genius hiding behind a façade of angelic innocence," Castle murmured in wonder, "I've never been more proud of her," he faked a sniff and wiped way an imaginary tear.

"I think I know how we can have some fun and get a little revenge at the same time," Kate whispered with a devious grin of her own as she leaned in for another kiss. She whispered her idea into his ear, inwardly giggling at the way her breath tickled his ear.

"Have I said lately how much I love the way your mind works, Detective Beckett?" with a smirk, he accepted the kiss before wrapping his arms around her and claiming her mouth with his own.

* * *

**A/N: That's the last chapter of the story, except for a short epilogue if anyone wants to read it. Thank you to everyone who has made me feel so welcome in this new fandom. Your reviews and alerts have been so heartwarming. **

**I hope you enjoyed this! Thank you again :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Well, you asked for it, so here it is :) I'm kind of sad to be posting the final chapter. It's been so much fun thus far, and I'd like to keep going, but the story just wound itself down here.  
**

**This is a much shorter chapter than I've done before. It's just here to round out all the stories and give a lighthearted ending to a story that was much less lighthearted than I started out intending to write. **

**Thank you to everyone who has read this from the beginning. Your alerts, favorites, PMs, and reviews have been amazing to read. This fandom has welcomed me with my first story so warmly I could barely believe it. **

**As usual, I don't own any characters or settings. It's all in fun. **

**Enjoy!**

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Chapter 11

_The first day back at the precinct…_

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Kate sat at her desk, staring at the elevators with a glower that had the rest of the homicide staff avoiding her like the plague. She tapped her ceramic coffee mug with a manicured nail, waiting. To everyone around her, she looked like she was about to tear someone's head off, and if the precinct rumors were to be believed, that someone usually arrived right about….now.

_Ding!_

The elevator doors slid open to allow him to exit. Rick Castle entered the 12th precinct's homicide bullpen with all his usual swagger and flair. His charcoal Armani suit was as immaculate as ever and the royal blue shirt with French cuffs made the blue in his eyes seem to glow in the right sunlight. When he really tried, no one could deny that he was, in fact, ruggedly handsome.

Gesturing greetings with his coffee filled hands to one and all, he had the appearance of a returning hero, rather than someone walking to his apparent death. Other officers accepted his greeting but hurriedly looked away rather than be collateral damage of Hurricane Beckett. When his eyes met Kate's laser-like glare, he froze comically, with his mouth opening and closing.

"What the _hell_," she interrogated in a low voice hiding her malice, "are you doing here?"

"I…I…brought you coffee?" he answered, somehow using his tone to make the response a question of its own as he lifted her cup.

"You cost me my best chance to ever personally slap the cuffs on the bastard who ordered my mother killed and you think waltzing in to _my _bullpen with a cup of coffee is going to make up for it?" Kate asked in a threatening voice as she slowly got to her feet, her posture and expression radiating menace.

"Now just a minute, Detective Beckett," Castle protested as she slowly walked up to him, nearby officers scattering from her progress and leaving her path to her intended target clear. From his desk off to the side, Esposito watched in confusion and growing dismay.

She didn't give him the chance to finish. "You have a lot of balls to think I'm going to welcome you back with open arms, Rick Castle," punctuating each word with a jab to his chest.

"What happened to _partners_?" he shot back, leaning in to regain some of the ground she'd taken, "What happened to all the times I've saved your life?"

The _slap _took Esposito by surprise. In the four years that Castle had been working at the precinct, Kate had never once physically struck him, no matter how annoyed she'd been.

"I told you I didn't want you back here after we rescued your girlfriend," she sneered, "I told you we were done when she was safe. Why are you back here acting like nothing has happened?"

Castle looked incredulous as he rubbed the darkening handprint on his face. He opened his mouth to retort, but his specific response was lost on their only audience as off to the side, Esposito withdrew his phone from his pocket and was furiously sending Lanie a text as fast as his efforts at surreptitiousness would allow.

**Mom and Dad are fighting again. It's bad. There was a slap. What should I do?**

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Downstairs in the morgue, Lanie's phone beeped to signal an incoming text as she showed Alexis the answer to one of her questions in a procedure guide. Leaving the girl to read, she looked at the message and rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding me?" she murmured.

"What's wrong, Dr. Parrish?" Alexis asked, looking up from the book.

"Your father and Kate Beckett, that's what's wrong," Lanie grunted as she showed her intern the phone.

"Oh come on, Dad! What happened _now?_" Alexis wondered in a more exasperated voice than Lanie had ever heard from her.

"Enough is enough," she said, "Working behind the scenes is all well and good, but with these two, I think we're going to have to stage a damn intervention," Lanie looked to Alexis, hoping she wouldn't take any offense to the comment on her dad.

Alexis stood with her and went to get her own purse. "You're absolutely right. Shall we?" The smile on her face would have had her dad worried for his well-being, or at least the well-being of his wallet.

"I like the way you think. Follow me," Lanie answered as she thumbed a quick reply to Esposito.

**Time to put a stop to this once and for all. Tell them there's a suspect in one of the holding cells they need to talk to. We'll be waiting.**

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Upstairs, Esposito grinned, sensing their plan. Lanie Parrish was a devious woman. She'd used the pronoun _we, _so it was likely thatLittle Castle was in on it too. She must be just as fed up with the two arguing partners as everyone else was.

"Uh, Castle? Beckett?" he asked in a loud voice to get their attention off their latest squabble.

"What?!" They exclaimed in unison, whirling over to face him.

"There's someone down in holding from the Brentwood case a couple months back that we need to go have a chat with. Can we maybe get back to this…whatever it is…after interrogating him?" he asked, gently steering them to the choice he wanted them to make.

"Fine," Kate spat out, "but we're not done with this, Castle. As soon as I'm done talking to this scumbag, you and I are going to have it out for the last time."

"Sounds good to me," he shot back.

They followed Esposito down to the holding area, but before heading to the cells, he gestured for them to lead. When they moved down the aisle, it was apparent there was a problem. One of the cell doors was hanging wide open. Approaching the area, Kate whirled on Esposito, apprehension filling her entire face. "What the hell is going on?"

Not giving them any time to react, Javier grabbed Castle's arm and pushed him and Kate through the door and swung it shut without a word. Lanie and Alexis joined him from their hiding place, standing next to Esposito with their hands on their hips in mirror images of consternation.

"We've all had it with your antics, Dad. You too, Kate," Alexis began without any preamble, "and this is what we're doing about it. You're fighting like teenagers, but it's obvious to everyone you're only fighting yourselves. It's time for an intervention."

"I really just want things to go back to normal, when I could ignore your little glances and awkward silences and pretend like nothing was going on," Esposito chimed in.

"And Kate," Lanie took her shot, "I've spent enough time counseling you that I'm about ready to share notes with the department shrink. Honey, you've spent way too much time with losers in dead-end relationships. Castle's the first man that's really challenged you and made you feel again. He's the first guy who's really made you live as the woman you were before your mom died. You need to embrace that. Grab it with both hands and never let it go, because you'll never see the same chance again."

"It's time for the fighting to stop. Nothing you've done to hurt each other could be worth this much pain when the payoff could be so good. Dad, I've seen the way your eyes light up when you're around Kate. She's made you grow up in ways that no one ever has before. Mom's a flake, Gina was a blood-sucking witch, and don't even get me started on the parade of bimbos you dated before Kate showed up at the book signing. You need each other, so stop screwing around and fix this!" Alexis finished.

Kate looked out of the corner of her eye at Castle as they each dropped their gaze to the floor. It was tough to tell, but she thought she could see the corners of his mouth twitch up. She tapped her foot twice before saying, "Think we've taken this far enough, Rick?"

Looking up at her, he grinned. "Yeah, I think they've learned their lessons."

Their audience was stunned, but Esposito was the first to recover. "You mean this was all a set-up?"

Kate chuckled. "Of course it was, Espo. You didn't really think we were still fighting, did you?"

Bereft of a coherent response, Esposito could only stammer out, "Well I was…I mean I thought…"

Alexis cut him off, arms folded across her chest. "I'm still not buying it. They could just be saying that to get out of the cell. I want proof," she declared, looking at her father.

Heaving an obviously faked enormous sigh, Castle turned to look at his fellow prisoner. "Well, if they want proof…" he trailed off.

"…always give the people what they want, eh Mister Best-selling novelist?" Kate finished with a smile.

"You've learned so well," he complimented before laying a short, sweet kiss on her. "Happy now, daughter of mine?" he asked, turning to the redhead.

Lanie didn't give the girl a chance to answer. "Uh-uh, no way. Do you think some nice words and that pathetic excuse for a kiss are going to convince us to let you out? Do I look satisfied, Javier?"

"No, ma'am, I've seen your satisfied face and that's not it," Esposito responded before his brain could filter his mouth.

A visible shudder went through the rest of the group at his statement, accompanied by an audible, "Ewwwww," from Alexis.

Lanie turned to him and stage-whispered loud enough for everyone else to hear, "When we're done here, I'mma smack you."

He gave her a challenging smirk, "Looking forward to it."

Kate threw her head back and blew out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. You want proof, you'll get proof." Without another word, she turned to her partner, grabbed his lapels and crushed her mouth on his in a toe-curling kiss on him that he would remember for the rest of his life. Their tongues dueling, she poured every ounce of repressed passion she'd felt for the man over the course of four years, snaking her hands through his hair as his hands found places on her hips after flailing in shock for a few moments. Their audience was soon forgotten, and as the kiss deepened they whimpered moans of lust, want, sheer _need_ for each other.

It was almost a full minute before they came up for air. Kate licked deliciously bruised lips before turning to face their captors with her hair mussed and breathing hard. Castle had clearly gone to his happy place. His body was limp, his eyes were fully glazed over, and a sappy, dreamy smile formed on his lipstick-stained mouth. He may not have even been on the same planet, much less in the same cell as Kate.

Javier and Alexis were laughing, though the latter looked slightly grossed-out at watching her father make out with his apparent girlfriend. Before Lanie could stammer out an answer, Kate looked at Alexis. "I'm sorry we had to tell you this way. I wanted to just get it out over the last week, but when we figured out you all were playing us behind our backs, we wanted to have a little fun in return. Your dad and I (she snapped her fingers in front of his face to no avail; Castle was still gone and even seemed to be humming slightly) talked about something, but agreed we'd wait for your approval. If you're ok with it, I'd like to move into the loft permanently."

Dead silence.

Alexis' jaw dropped. "Kate?!" she squealed, "Are you serious?"

Beckett nodded. "We've wasted too much time as it is, and after we talked things out once Kyra was safe, it just seemed like the most natural thing in the world."

Lanie gave a happy squeal of her own as Alexis' face split in an ear-to-ear grin. "Of course I'm ok with it! I've been wanting this to happen for years!"

"Me too, sweetie," Kate responded. Seeing that Castle was still in no condition for actual thought, Kate directed her question at Lanie. "Satisfied now?"

"Absolutely. I'm so happy for you, Kate," Lanie answered before elbowing Javier, "Don't just stand there! Let them out!"

That's when things hit a little snag. He patted his pockets. "Um, yeah, about that…"

Kate stood up, her mood switching from happy woman in love to active menace in an instant, "What about that, Esposito?" she growled, eerily reminiscent of a Doberman Esposito had seen once early in his career, but never forgot. He still hated walking down a certain street.

"I, um, don't have the key. The guard said it was unlocked and ready to go," he whispered.

"So go get it from him!" Lanie exclaimed.

"The thing is, as soon as we got set up, he went to lunch. Said something about not wanting to see whatever was going to happen," he admitted sheepishly.

"So we're stuck here until he gets back," Kate finished, disbelieving.

"You three are stuck," Alexis answered, "Dr. Parrish and I are going to get some lunch. Want me to bring you anything back?" She directed the question at her dad, who was slowly coming out his stupor, but who didn't comprehend her question.

"Just get us some burgers and fries from Remy's, please. They know our usual," Kate answered for him. When Lanie and Alexis had left and Esposito went to wait for the guard at his desk, she turned back to Castle. "Oh well. I guess we've got the chance to make up for lost time," and with a huge grin, started kissing him again.

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**A/N: And that's a wrap! Once again, thank you to everyone! I really hope you enjoyed this! **


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